


Two Queens in Kirkwall

by Flakeblood



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Adventure, Canon-Typical Violence, Companion Piece, Modern Girl in Thedas, Multi, Self-Insert, Slow To Update, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Team Bonding, Undecided Relationship(s), long chapters, my roommate is a one woman inspiration team
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2018-10-22 19:22:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 72,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10703496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flakeblood/pseuds/Flakeblood
Summary: Falling straight into the Fifth Blight might be the worst moment of my life. My knowledge of the world is limited. With Hawke's help, I hope to get back home, at least until I find out my roommate is having similar problems. (Self-Insert)Optional Companion Piece:One Flip in Fereldenby eveesolo





	1. Into Thedas

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Dragon Age II belongs to Bioware. This is just a love letter to the series.

The highway was hazy in front of me, wavering in the heat. I couldn't believe I'd just driven through seventy miles of rain. The sun was mocking me. As soon as I got to my parents house, it would to rain again.

I sighed. Just an average spring break in Texas. Weather inconsistent, college and grade school breaks don't coincide, and the state was still too. Damn. Big. I had, at the least, two hundred more miles until I reached my parents' house. Damn my need to go to a good university. Except not really.

I loved my school, and I was ever grateful to have met my friends and roommate. Of course, she wasn't taking the trip with me. Ellen didn't want to visit her mother, and the rest of her family was states away, all along the west coast.

So she stayed behind for work, as well as some quality time with Dragon Age games, and I drove alone, as per usual. Though the drive itself wasn't usually bad, with my music in the background, the heat waves rising from the road were getting frustrating. Could it even be that hot with storm clouds nearby? The road ahead was wavering so much, I started to worry about staying in the right lane. The waves built up, gaining intensity until I pushed on my breaks. What was going on? I reached for my a/c, but found the waves obscuring my vision inside the car as well. I screeched to a halt, foot plastered to the brake, and closed my eyes as my body whipped forward; but I wasn't stopped by the seatbelt. I just kept going, feeling like I should have hit the windshield by now. 

I thought I heard someone call my name, surprised and concerned. I tried to open my eyes against the now bright light, but a harsh impact to my back changed my mind. With my lungs empty, I focused on breathing. Ow. I had definitely landed outside the car. The rocks between my shoulder blades told me so. I flexed my fingers a couple times, then wiggled my feet. Didn't think my spine had broken.

When I opened my eyes, a blue sky greeted me, fluffy clouds partially blotted out by smoke. Was my car on fire? I fervently hoped not, though the nearby sounds didn't instill confidence. Better get moving then, before it exploded. Dammit.

I slowly eased my way up, turning to my side. My back was going to have some nice bruising. After pushing up onto my knees, I clambered to my feet, blinking when I realized the landscape had changed. Instead of sprawling, open fields of grass with an asphalt road, I stood on a dirt path winding along on a cliff side dotted with rocks. Down below, in the distance, a small village was being set on fire, swarming with oddly shaped, humanoid creatures.

Even from here, I could hear the screams. I looked around frantically, but no paved road appeared, and my car was nowhere to be seen. Then, just up the ridge, I saw some of the monsters which were decimating the village. I knew them from my roommate's newest gaming obsession. Darkspawn.

I could feel the blood drain from my face as they scrabbled over rocks towards me. Their skin was corpse grey, scarred, and looked infected; It stretched tightly over their skulls, clearly displaying their yellowed teeth and milky eyes. However, their equipment was what truly terrified me. Just like the ones in the games they crawled out of, they wore dark armor. Only three, but each one--each hurlock, as they were human sized--carried a bloodied sword. They screeched, turning to look straight at me, and I finally moved. 

I sprinted off in the opposite direction, not thinking, just pushing faster. Faster. Somewhere in my mind, I was glad I always wore athletic shoes. The thick smell of iron assaulted my nose from others who tried to run, dead on the rocks. I heard a snarl just behind me and the whooshing of an object being sliced through the air. I instantly forgot the smell and opened my mouth wider, inhaling desperately as I increased my speed. 

My strides stretched each leg as far as it could go before impacting the earth again. My muscles screamed in desperation, and my arms pumped in short bursts to help build even more momentum. Inside my head was nothing but screams and white noise, so of course I never saw the person I tripped over. I just landed face first on the ground, arms barely absorbing the impact, trembling and out of breath. A quick turn of my head told me the person I was partially laying on was a corpse.

I heard some shouts along the lines of "Are you trying to get killed?" but the growls of the hurlocks got me scrambling to my feet. A hand on my arm startled me, and I swung around, hand fisted to punch, but the calm blue eyes staring at me--human, alive--made me stop. 

"You're safe." I was?

Sounds of swords clashing and thumps on the ground met my ears. Though my legs were still shaking, I turned further to see the battle happening behind me.

Two hurlocks were on the ground, dark blood spattered around them. The third swiped at a muscular man, but the shorter woman fighting with him tossed a fireball at the creature, wreathing it in flame. Sufficiently distracted, it never saw the sword the man plunged into its chest. A final whack from the woman's fire-enhanced staff had it fall to the ground, lifeless. 

I just stood, staring, waiting. Surely everything would make sense. Like, I'd wake up from a dream. The man stomped over to me, closely followed by the fire mage. They looked alike enough to be relatives. They had the same dark hair color and curved lip shape.

"What's wrong with you?" the man demanded. "Look, we're all trying to run, but if you don't pay attention to your surroundings--" His voice blurred out as the ringing in my head reached a crescendo.

The smell of burning flesh and blood seeped into my nose and throat, building a pressure behind my eyes. I turned and stumbled a few steps towards a boulder, realizing the woman who tried to calm me down still had her hand supporting my shoulder. I tightened my low ponytail before bending over with a steadying hand on the rock. Tears slipped from my stinging eyes as I retched, my stomach muscles convulsing enough to make me gasp out pleas whenever I could breathe. I felt the hand rubbing circles on my back as I reached the end of my episode. I sniffed some of the snot away, and attempted to spit some of the acid taste from my mouth. 

"Don't overdo it." I turned to get a good look at the woman aiding me.

Blue eyes, short black hair, an expression which somehow managed to be both sympathetic and alert, ready for another attack. She looked vaguely like someone I should recognize, except I don't know people who wear armor. I moistened my lips.

"Who...? Um, what... is it over? Is--" My thoughts scrambled; I couldn't decide what I should be asking about. What took priority?

"Those darkspawn are dead, but we have to keep moving if we want to outrun the horde," the man answered.

The blue eyed woman looked briefly like she wanted to ask after my health, but her mouth flattened in determination.

"You'll make it," she commanded, "Keep going."

Yes, yes if I could just escape, leave this carnage behind, I could think properly. I wiped my face with the backs of my hands and nodded.

"Good. This is my mother, Leandra. Stay with her." An older woman I hadn't noticed smiled gently and put an arm around my shoulders.

I felt something bump my leg and turned my head to see a large dog sniffing me, his head even with my stomach. He looked up and gave me a confused whine. The young woman smiled.

"And this handsome rascal is Calenhad."

My automatic reaction for meeting animals kicked in, and I slowly leaned over. With the same gentleness, I extended my hand, lightly curled, for him to smell.

"Hey boy," I said, voice quiet and rough, "How are you?"

He gave me a small happy bark, and I felt a hint of a smile on my face.

"Yeah, me, too."

"We're taking her?" I heard the man question, though he was clearly just waiting for a judgement from the leader. 

She nodded decisively.

He just sighed and looked down at me with darker blue eyes. "I'm Carver." 

"Bethany," the mage introduced, "I'm his twin." She kept giving me searching looks, though I wasn't sure why. My head was still spinning.

Finally, the leader said, "And I'm the older sister to these two, Marian Hawke."

...Hawke. Like Champion of Kirkwall, killer of high dragons, and main character of the GAME, Hawke? I was suddenly glad I was still squatting close to the ground.

Calenhad, the sweetie, noticed my distress and rubbed against my shoulder. My hands scratched through his short, tan fur and ended at his shoulder wrinkles, needing something to hold on to.

With a firm clamp down on the hysterical laughter shaking my chest, I managed a nervous smile. "Sabrina. I'm, ah, grateful. Thank you."

*-*-*

Running was good. Actually, we were moving at more of a light jog--paced, meant for long distances. However, even with my year of prior experience in cross country, and knowledge constantly spouted by my more competitive sister, the run was hard. That meant I had to concentrate on breathing, which stopped any possible sobs. There was just more smoke, more darkspawn, more blood.

They never stopped shrieking, even as they died, slaughtered on the cliff side. We took short breaks after each fight, both to give the fighters a chance to regain their stamina, and so the non-fighters, Leandra and I, wouldn't collapse. At least I didn't have to worry about slowing them down. Our breaks were more like a few moments standing still to catch our breath, anyway. I wanted to spend more time with the cute mabari hound, but he was our best scout, so he wasn't around much except when battling to protect Leandra.

The older woman didn't talk to me much, even during breaks. She just put her hand on my shoulder, supportive, before checking on her children. It was a small comfort, but it helped. 

During one of these breaks, Bethany voiced an obvious concern. "Where are we going?"

"Away from the darkspawn, where else?" Carver made it sound like such an obvious answer, but I sympathized with his sister. 

"We can't run forever," I said softly. We needed a safe place. I needed a safe place. Why wasn't I home?

"She's right," Bethany agreed, "Even then, we can't just wander, aimlessly."

Older-sister-Hawke looked at all of us before shaking her head. "We stay alive. That's all we need to worry about right now."

Everyone sobered at the sentiment, making me wish I could give them some hope. I knew where we, no, they would end up eventually, I just couldn't remember who needed to have the initial idea.

"We could go to Kirkwall." Oh, right. It was... wait, what was the mother's name again?

Hawke raised an eyebrow at the suggestion. "Well, that wouldn't be my first choice."

"There are a lot of templars in Kirkwall, mother..." Bethany sounded just as skeptical.

"I know that, but we still have family there," the older woman insisted, "And an estate."

Her children looked less dubious about the idea upon hearing that. Even so, they hesitated. Hawke and Bethany shared a look before the youngest spoke up.

"We'll have to head to Gwaren and take ship."

"If we survive that long," Carver said, "And what about her?"

I started a bit when he gestured to me. Well, I wouldn't be around much longer. I was sure I'd fall back through a portal to my world any minute. Until then though, I didn't want to die.

"I'll come." I cleared my throat and spoke louder. "I-I don't have any family here, anyway. And I don't know where to look now."

"You're welcome to come," Bethany said. She was giving me a kinder smile than I'd seen from her yet. Maybe having a destination made her feel better?

Hawke nodded her assent. "Let's get going then. It's a long trip, and the darkspawn won't exactly give us a head start."

Carver was already turning to jog. "I'll just be happy to get out of here."

A minute later, around yet another bend in the trail we followed, we heard more darkspawn. The only difference was, it sounded like they were already fighting. Turning the corner, we came across two people who, frankly, looked like knights. 

Both stood with swords, hacking at the group of darkspawn, fervently protecting each others backs. The man stood slightly taller than the woman, with his black hair singed and covered in dirt. The red-headed woman was speckled with so much blood, it was hard to tell if the freckles across her face were just my imagination. Aside from her ponytail, she had a leather band tied around her forehead in an attempt to keep loose hair out of her face. Their armor was scratched and filthy, but my only thought was, she looks like a valkyrie.

Suddenly, I recognized her. She was Aveline, one of Hawke's companions. And her husband was still alive...

Not a second after we noticed them, the man was struck from the back, causing him to cry out and drop his shield. When he faltered, Aveline gained a fierce determination, killing several darkspawn around her before shoving the offending creature to the ground, punching it with her bare hands. She then picked up her fallen weapon, yelling "You will not have him!" as she chopped off its head, sword like a guillotine. After grabbing her husband's shield, she immediately went to his side, helping him stand while whispering in his ear.

"Stay here," Hawke ordered, as though she thought I'd suddenly decide to tackle a horrible creature for myself. Oh, wait, she was talking to her dog.

She and her siblings rushed to aide the strangers against the darkspawn. Aveline and her husband noticed their arrival and changed tactics. The wounded man was quickly set aside, and the other fighters formed a defensive wall in front of him. I was in awe of the battle prowess they all showed. When a darkspawn charged at Aveline, she pushed back with the shield in her left hand. Off balance, it would quickly succumb to the bite of her blade. Bethany was providing backup, making sure the group kept their distance from her mother and I. Carver swung his two-handed blade in wide arcs, getting into a rhythm with his older sister.

Those two were a dervish as they slaughtered through the ranks, corpses falling to the earth in their wake. Weren't they in the army or something? My brain was too frazzled to remember exactly, but I was sure they were trained. I could tell. They never hesitated and were obviously used to each others presence in combat. Several minutes later, the small band of darkspawn was dead. Everyone wiped off and sheathed their weapons, though with caution.

Aveline was helping her husband up when he stumbled, a dirty glare on his face. What? Oh. I followed his line of sight to Bethany. Right, rogue magic users were thought dangerous, especially by those like this man, who was duty bound to track them down.

"You have a mage in your group," the man stated. He looked clearly worse for wear, favoring one side, his armor covered in blood and dirt. "Keep your distance apostate."

"Oh good, a templar," Bethany said, thick with sarcasm. "Well, the Maker has a sense of humor. It's not enough that we have to deal with darkspawn."

He made a face at her comment, or maybe he felt pain since he had lifted a hand to point at her. "The 'spawn are clear in their intent, but a mage is always unknown. These may be dark times, but the laws of the Chantry are clear."

Honestly, I was more worried about flesh-eating monsters spreading across the land than a lone mage running with family. What was it with religious lawmen in RPGs?

"You're welcome, by the way." Hawke moved further in front of Bethany, arms crossed. Growling lowly, Calenhad moved further forward, backing up Hawke's sentiment.

"The order dictates..." The templar paused for breath, looking paler.

"Wesley." Aveline stepped up beside him, placing an arm on his shoulder. Probably more to steady him than hold him back.

"That woman is an apostate," he argued.

"Dear, they saved us. The Maker understands." Her voice was calm and clear. I couldn't detect any sign of strain from her earlier fight. Damn, she's good. "I'm Aveline Vallen, and this is my husband, Ser Wesley. Thank you for your help."

"It wasn't a problem," Carver spoke up, "But we should get moving."

"Yes," she agreed, "We can hate each other when we're safe from the horde."

A quick glance at her husband got a meek, "Of course."

"You're quick to offer your allegiance." Hawke still stood with arms crossed, protective.

"Another blade between us and the darkspawn?" Carver said, "Yes please." Bethany shot him a glare; I was ready to side with her brother, but Ser Wesley spoke up first.

"My duty is clear... but that is for another day. Should we survive that long."

"We will be fine," Aveline commanded, "We all will."

I instantly understood how Hawke and Aveline could become such close friends. They had the same kindness and determination about them. It seemed Hawke saw it too, as her position softened, and she lowered her arms before speaking again.

"For a while it looked like we were the only ones to escape the darkspawn."

"I thought the templars abandoned Lothering, with the Chantry priests," Bethany added.

Lothering. The town I had seen burning in the distance. How many people had the Chantry left behind? All those screams... I shook my head. My dreams had never been so detailed--or chronological, if I'm honest--but this just couldn't be real.

Despite the look of distaste, Ser Wesley answered. "I was traveling to Denerim on business for the order. But when I heard about Ostagar..." he glanced at his wife, "I had to turn south."

"Bad luck--and judgement--," She was clearly returning his look with a soft glare, "Brought us together here before the attack."

I had been distracted by hearing game lines spewed before me by, maybe, real people, but Wesley just said something strange. How did he hear about Ostagar so soon? The darkspawn had overrun the southern fortress within one night, as far as I remembered. How long did it take the darkspawn to get here? Perhaps their army traveled slower than I first thought.

"Well, we aren't free of the darkspawn yet," Carver interjected. "Just like at Ostagar, this is only the start."

Oh, so these were just scouts. Fan. Tastic.

"You were there?" Aveline seemed to look at the Hawkes more thoroughly. "Yes, I see it now. Third company, under Captain Varrel."

I was right, thank goodness. I thought I was going crazy. So Carver and, erm, Hawke had been part of the army. Now if only I could recall everyone's names. Remembering was so much harder when some were never said in the game. Devita? Sayji? No, my roommate, Ellen, had chosen those. 

While I was staring at Hawke, trying desperately to remember her first name, she stepped forward. Whoops, looked like Carver and Aveline finished their conversation.

"You're welcome to join us, provided you keep away from Bethany." The last part was pointedly at Ser Wesley. Hawke's tone was friendly enough, but the steel in her voice was unmistakable.

Aveline had a silent conversation with her husband before turning back to us. "That sounds fine."

"The wrath of the templars is terrible, indeed." I couldn't see, now looking at the back of Hawke's head, but I thought I heard a smile in her voice.

"More so their wives," countered Ser Wesley, glancing again at Aveline, "But so long as there is a greater danger, I will keep our accord."

Everyone seemed satisfied with the arrangement, and Hawke nodded. "How bad is that wound?"

"I think my sword arm's a loss." Ser Wesley looked at us, only one hand able to clench fully. "Even with healing."

"Then you will have mine," Aveline promised, "As always." Her smile dropped as she turned to us.

"For now, we move with you. North is cut off. We barely escaped the main body of the horde," she explained.

"Then... we're trapped!" Carver exclaimed, "The Wilds are to the south, that's no way out!"

I looked to the side and noticed his mother with her hands over her mouth in despair. I couldn't think of how to comfort her, so I did the only thing I could; I placed my own hand on her shoulder. Even though she tried to smile at me, the deep look in her eyes wouldn't go away. I gave one awkward squeeze before removing my hand and looking forward. It was all I could do at this point. And wasn't that weird? I always had control over my dreams, even the other people in them.

Hawke had stepped forward again, ready to lead the group. "If the options are south or die, I'll take my chances with south." 

The Hawkes exchanged names--which was helpful for me--and discussed strategy for a moment before taking up positions. Marian and Calenhad stood in front, Aveline and Wesley behind them, with the Leandra and I safe in the back, the twins taking rear guard.

I supposed Bethany didn't feel comfortable showing Wesley her back. I guess I wouldn't. We continued as before, taking out groups of darkspawn and keeping to a steady jog in-between. Since we had more helping hands, we sometimes scavenged potions from the corpses along our path. When I expressed an interest with my obvious staring, Leandra would point out what each potion was used for. Somewhere along the way, I decided to just think of her by the nickname my roommate and I had used: Mama Hawke.

Having Aveline made the fights easier, even with the Hawke siblings getting used to the change in strategy. The only problem was, the darkspawn just seemed to get more numerous as we went. The next break we had, I remembered why.

Oh god. Carver was still alive. We had to face two large waves of darkspawn in a clearing. And ogres. I started shaking. What could I do?

Mama Hawke survived in game, but who was to say I would, too? Or that it would play out the same? NPCs didn't appear during fights, or became untouchable, so you never had to worry about them. Where could we hide? The darkspawn would come from every direction, and we were going the wrong way. If I could have kicked myself for forgetting that detail, I would have.

Mama Hawke put her hand on my shoulder. "Sabrina?"

I startled to hear my name. It was weird, but I was always surprised when people remembered who I was. Maybe it was because, personally, I almost never remembered people's names, even after just ten minutes of meeting them. Of course, it could be because I was shocked people remembered someone so boring. Or maybe that was my low self-esteem talking.

"Er, yeah?" I answered brilliantly. Mama Hawke frowned.

"How are you holding up?" 

She was worried about me? She was the one who had been so worried about our blocked escape routes. What about her three children? One of them was going to die! I gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile.

"I'm alright. Really. I'm keeping up. What about...?" I gestured towards the siblings as they conversed in hushed tones. Her eyes softened as she took them in.

"My children are strong. And they have each other."

A small hysterical giggle burst from my mouth before I closed it, biting my lip. I couldn't help it. She was implying I was all alone. Which I was.

But I couldn't possibly be stuck here. Maybe I'd flown out of my car and now had a concussion. Or maybe I slipped into an alternate dimension, like in the Weird Al song. But I didn't have to live (and die) here. She definitely shouldn't waste time on me.

"It's fine." I took a deep breath and swallowed the lump out of my throat. "Go check on your kids. Seriously. I'm fine."

Mama Hawke stared at me reluctantly. "We'll be alright." She squeezed my shoulder and walked away.

I felt the pressure build behind my eyes, so I started up a calming rhythm with my breaths. A small sob escaped, accompanied by a tear, but I didn't think anyone would judge me for it.

Our break was nearly done, so I walked over to Aveline and Wesley, already in position. They broke off their conversation to greet me.

"I don't believe we were properly introduced." Aveline had a ghost of a smile on her face, though it was genuine.

"Um, Sabrina. I'm-I'm Sabrina," I said lamely.

"Aveline." She held out her hand for a handshake.

All my practice on proper business form sprang to mind, and I immediately took her hand in a firm but polite grip. Her smile grew. We separated before Wesley offered his hand.

"Ser Wesley." We shook and parted the same. The smile on his face dimmed when he spoke again, "If you don't mind my asking, did you get separated from your family? I do apologize, it's just that you don't seem to be related to the Hawkes."

I waved off his apology, though I didn't know how to respond. Don't think about your family. Don't do it.

"It's fine. Just, I mean yeah, no, my family's not here," I stumble over my words, nerves fried. 

What could I say? 'Don't worry, my family's back in a safer dimension?' Ha! They'd just think the blight cracked my brain. I did want to be taken seriously, thank you.

"They're, um, safe. They aren't anywhere near here."

He nodded. "That's good to hear."

Why did he care anyway? Not that he was a terrible person, but he didn't have to bother himself by asking me. If darkspawn had killed them, what could he have done?

Aveline had been looking at me intently as I answered, though the approach of the Hawkes took her attention. She mentioned Wesley's deteriorating condition, and he was given a stamina potion we had scavenged from the refugee corpses. Then we were on our way again, slower, but steadily jogging up a small incline. Oh no... 

I blanched as the clearing came into view. As soon as we turned a corner and crossed the lower crevasse, we could head up towards the prologue's main deviance. The first death. What could I do? Should I do anything? It was cruel to think, but I didn't want to mess with the game. Or, story? The world? But Carver was more than a possible companion. Wasn't he also a brother, a son? Agh, what to do. My pace slowed as I thought, and suddenly Bethany was striding beside me.

"What's wrong?" She wasn't as tired as I was, but her voice still came out breathy.

"What if you die?" I blurted. She looked as shocked as I felt.

We'd slowed down enough to catch the attention of Mama Hawke and the mabari, Calenhad. He barked impatiently at us. The others in front slowed down, weapons ready until they saw it was just me lagging. How embarrassing.

"Do we need a break?" Hawke asked, all business. 

I shook my head, mortified now that we were all standing still at the entrance to the clearing. But... maybe I could warn them? Why had I said that to Bethany? Hawke--no, wait--Marian Hawke was a warrior, clearly. Carver would die. Except it probably wasn't so simple. Bethany was the other option. My thoughts tumbled through my head.

"Look..." I started, then hesitated.

Attentive, they all watched me, but my eyes were for Marian and Carver. They worked so well together. Carver was kind of an ass, from what I'd seen, but his death... it would hit their family so hard. If I could prevent it, I should at least try.

"We don't have all day to lag around. The horde is coming after us, now." Wow thanks Carver, hadn't noticed.

But I could tell the others were also getting impatient. I didn't think I could stand another brash comment; I'd immediately clam up. So when I saw Bethany's mouth start to open, I blurted the first thing that came to mind.

"You!" I pointed at Carver. His startled jump would have been funny if his life weren't on the line. "Big, disgusting creature things. Ogres! Over--" I gestured in the general direction of the now perfectly visible clearing.

I was sure I'd confused most of the party with my random declarations. Marian seemed to have gotten the gist of it though.

"There's Ogres ahead? How would you know that?" She cocked her head and gave me a wry grin. "Don't tell me you've been a Grey Warden all along."

I could tell from the tone of her voice she wasn't serious, but I shook my head regardless. I couldn't explain my random knowledge either. Stupid, stupid Sabrina.

Aveline was giving me the searching look again, and she kept her eyes on me as she spoke.

"Regardless, we should stay aware of our surroundings. Precaution never hurt anyone."

As if proving her right, Calenhad began barking. Our party tensed and drew their weapons again, facing the direction he pointed. We saw a line of hurlock bolters advancing, crossbows already drawn to fire. This alone was enough to put me on edge, but they were closely followed by an emissary, a darkspawn mage. Shit. 

This darkspawn was less human-shaped than the others. It looked to be seven feet or taller, gangly arms lengthened by the oversized, claw-like fingers. It wore something like a cross between a mage's robe and a blacksmith's apron, of all things. Mages packed a terrific punch, I knew from the game, but I had also been watching Bethany, and I saw firsthand how much damage a fireball could cause. 

"To arms!" Hawke commanded.

Our group quickly got into position, which meant Mama Hawke, Ser Wesley, and I were herded to the side with Bethany watching over us.

Aveline was the first to advance, having the advantage of a shield. She deflected a few bolts before Carver called out, taunting and distracting a good amount of the creatures. This gave Aveline time to quickly advance into their ranks and engage in close-quarters combat, which the bolters were ill suited for.

Hawke herself had taken off with Calenhad at her side, the mabari too fast to pin down, but big enough to be threatening. They quickly caught the attention of the mage. Hawke managed to take out a couple hurlocks in one mighty swing, but the mage was already close enough to begin launching fireballs at her. 

Bethany, who had been providing cover fire for Carver, switched to summoning spikes of ice underneath the emissary apprentice. It wasn't as affected as the average darkspawn, but the attacks slowed it down and occasionally froze it, giving Hawke and Calenhad time to dodge behind it and strike.

The whole battle wrapped up in only a few minutes, though it had obviously tired the fighters out. As we all gathered again, I tried to think of a solution to our upcoming ogre problem. It's not like we'd be able to run past it; there were just more and more darkspawn. In the game, it took the efforts of the witch Flemeth, in dragon form, to save the group. I sighed. Maybe I could just call out a warning before anyone died.

"Well, at least it wasn't an ogre," Bethany said, trying to relieve the tension.

"True. But that wasn't the usual group of scouts," Aveline noted. "We'll need to move quickly if we want to avoid any more surprises."

They were both looking at me. Why were they looking at me?

"Then let's get moving." I made a mental note to thank Carver later. ...Oh wait.

A heavy breath pushed through my throat. Carver's--and perhaps Bethany's--dilemma was something I still had no solution for. A warning wouldn't do much good if Carver charged right at it.

Once we were all back in formation, we continued on, my hands clasped together at chest level for comfort, though the scenery wasn't doing my heart any good.

As we walked up the hill, the warrior's swords at the ready, I was watching the progression of decorations along the roadside. Oh god. They got more and more numerous as we made our way to the final clearing. Skulls were speared on stakes in the ground, many standing taller than me. Some skulls looked cleaned off, but others still had chunks of rotting flesh on them. I wanted to hurl again.

Looking away from the sight, I noticed we had reached the top of the hill. We could see a good distance in all directions from here, but it meant we were visible too. The party members looked around, but there were no darkspawn in sight. We inched into the clearing.

We were creeping across the expanse when the ground beneath our feet rumbled. Though faint, everyone tensed. The shakes grew in intensity and frequency until it became obvious they were footsteps. We all turned towards the nearest path as an ogre came into sight. 

It was more than twice our size, muscled, with towering horns to set it apart from the other darkspawn. These were the gate-crashers of the horde. It charged straight for our group, so we all sprinted aside to get out of the way. Ser Wesley and I were slower, and so we had to jump, falling to the ground, though it was better than being crushed by two thousand pounds of darkspawn. Then the creature did the worst thing possible.

It turned towards me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I feel like I should play that cheesy "What will happen next?" music. Okay, so! A couple little notes here.
> 
> First, I've been working on this fic for a while, I'm just super lazy. Yup, I admit it. But, I do have someone to keep me on track, which brings up my second note. This is a (sort-of) companion fic! By which I mean that eveesolo and I are writing our fics in the same universe, and our actions in each will have consequences on the other. We're pretty excited about the whole thing.
> 
> However! I will not force you to read her fic to understand mine; I am writing this so it can be read as a stand alone. While it would be really awesome for you to check out One Flip in Ferelden, rest assured, you don't have to. (But we are building the stories together, and I'm pretty excited for what she's doing with DA:O.)
> 
> If you have any feedback, critiques, or thoughts, you can review or message me! I may also put some of my social media on my profile, so people can ask questions there, if need be. But this note is way too long now, so laters!


	2. Escaping the Blight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabrina attempts to cheat death, and Flemeth is enigmatic, as usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Bioware owns Dragon Age II. David Gaider and the whole writing team are awesome.

Oh god oh god oh god why- Why was the ogre after me?

I tried to scramble to my feet, but they just wouldn't keep me up. A quick glance behind me showed Mama Hawke being guarded by both of the twins. That wasn't right. I noticed Aveline was busy trying to get her husband out of the way, and Hawke was hesitating on how to take the ogre down, Calenhad growling by her side.

It lumbered towards me when no one made a move to stop it.

"No, no, oh god please no-" I chanted. A dream, that's all this was. Some dimension I didn't belong to. Pressure built up in my chest, sharp and twisting. My throat felt thick, like I couldn't breathe. I finally made it to my feet, but my actions only seemed to agitate it more.

"You vile creature," I heard Carver shout.

"Stop!" I yelled, though at who, I didn't know. It roared and reached for me.

I felt the pressure in my chest and throat reach a bursting point. I wasn't sure if I screamed, but when I threw up my hands and stumbled backwards, there was a sudden large howling. I looked up to see a distortion in the air, similar to the one I had noticed in my car. It twisted between the ogre and I for just a moment before the darkspawn stumbled back. It roared again in agitation.

What happened? I stood still for a moment, wondering at the emptiness I now felt. Was the distortion some of Bethany's magic? I noticed Carver standing next to me now, eyes and mouth wide. He gaped like he hoped to have words come out, but nothing.

I looked further behind me and locked eyes with Bethany. She looked just as shocked. Why? Because she hadn't used the spell before? But her expression quickly changed to flat determination, and she sent an ice spell at the ogre to slow it more.

"You're a mage!" I finally heard Carver shout. Of course Bethany was a mage, what a stupid-

My train of thought screeched to a halt. He was still looking directly at me. 

"No, I'm not- I didn't-" It wasn't even possible, magic didn't exist on Earth!

The clang of metal brought us both back to our senses. Hawke and Aveline were providing good distractions, and Calenhad had run around to meet us.

Carver gave me a hard look. "Move to safety. Stay with Calenhad," he commanded before charging at the beast.

I wanted to yell at him, but Bethany had moved up and started pushing me behind her. "Go now!"

I stumbled over to Mama Hawke, confused, and we both followed the mabari over to where Ser Wesley lay. He was breathing hard now, clutching his good arm over his side, but he still had the time to send me a wary glance.

"Did you know?"

"No! I mean, I'm not-!" I tried to deny, but the words got stuck in my throat. I didn't feel as empty, like I was slowly drinking a cup of hot chocolate and the warmth was trickling down my insides.

"Don't lie to me." His tone was harsh, even as he suppressed tremors.

I couldn't bring myself to pity him right now. "I didn't know," I cried. My thoughts whirled more violently than ever. I couldn't come to terms with it. This was a goddamn dream!

I felt Mama Hawke's hand on my shoulder. "It's alright," she insisted. I didn't see how it could be, but I let it go.

Even Ser Wesley seemed to soften, and he just sighed, turning from me. I tried desperately to calm down and breathe, though my eyes were drawn back to battle. They all seemed to be doing alright, though hurlocks had joined the battle as well. The creatures caused significant distractions and forced Calenhad to defend us several times when the dark soldiers ventured too close.

The ogre itself seemed to have gained a second wind. Despite all the wounds on his form, slowing him down, his anger made each hit whistle through the air and shake the ground. The close-combat fighters took turns trying to stun or knock down the ogre, while the others held back the ever replenishing numbers of hurlock soldiers. Carver took his turn, and my heart jumped into my throat when I saw the ogre make a swipe at him. He dodged out of the way, but it was a close thing.

Couldn't it just die? My hands were trembling, so I clasped them together at my chest. I could feel Wesley giving me looks, but I just couldn't acknowledge them right now. 

I kept my eyes on the fight, occasionally jumping when a hurlock forced Calenhad into battle. A darkspawn near us burst into flame, and I realized Bethany was keeping an eye on us as well.

There were just so many darkspawn, and so many bodies now littering the ground... I felt a pressure returning to my chest and throat. My breathing grew faster in response. There was still no way the earlier magic could have been from me, but the feeling made me nervous. Wesley and Mama Hawke both gave me looks when I started a hurried breathing pattern. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

The pressure grew, but this time I recognized it. I held my hands over my stomach and turned away from the battle. There was a small crevasse between some of the bigger rocks, so I knelt and unloaded once again. There was nothing in my stomach this time, only bile, so it burned more than before.

Almost a whole decade I had gone without puking more than three times total, ever since I was thirteen, and now I'd gone and done it twice in the same day. I wasn't even sick. How unfair.

Mama Hawke was rubbing my back, murmuring something I couldn't comprehend with the ringing in my ears. What broke through the silence was something I had not wanted to hear. "Maker, give me strength."

The other fighters were distracted by the soldiers, and though it looked like there wasn't any more backup coming for those weaker darkspawn, Bethany was the one facing off against the ogre. Her magic was reaching better than the others' swords could, but she was dangerously outmatched in strength.

The ogre reached for her. She batted its hand away with her staff, but with each strike, the appendage barely moved. She was only just holding off the hand, and soon it's strength would overwhelm her. No one was close enough to help. Whipping around, I watched in horror as it grabbed Bethany's leg.

"HEY!" My throat felt raw, from the stomach acid and now my screaming, but it did catch the attention of the largest darkspawn. "Someone HELP HER," I screeched.

My screaming had done it's job. With the ogre distracted, Bethany sent ice spikes through it's wrist. Howling, it let go of her, and she quickly stumbled back towards her sister. Now though, it set it's eyes on me, a loud and obviously vulnerable target.

It seemed all the blood drained from my face and pooled in my chest as it rumbled towards us. Neither Calenhad's growls nor Aveline's taunts dissuaded the creature. Mama Hawke stepped backwards and Wesley tried and failed to get up. One thought pierced the noise in my head, don't get them killed. So of course I did the most obvious and stupid thing I could do. I ran.

Calenhad barked in dismay as I ducked to the left, hoping to strafe around the ogre, keeping it's attention without getting killed. The hurlocks were virtually gone now, Bethany backing up her sister in taking down the last few, back near the entrance we had come from. Thank god. At least I only had one darkspawn to worry about. Though that one darkspawn was enormous and now charging right at me holy sh-

I felt like an olympic sprinter as I barely made it past the ogre. I actually felt the wind rush by behind me, ground rumbling, as I just missed getting gored. Not bothering to look back and see my demise, I ran straight for the first friendly faces I saw, Carver and Aveline. With a roar, the giant 'spawn geared up for another run. I practically flew past the two and prayed that no more darkspawn would show up. I stumbled to a stop and looked back, mouth hanging open to draw in air.

Aveline and Carver dove to the side to avoid the charge, but thankfully it stopped right between them. They immediately took advantage. Shield up and ready, Aveline started slicing at the knees. It roared in anger, but a backhand swing did no damage, as she danced out of the way. Carver had a longer reach with his broadsword, but the ogre's swings were too wide for even him to reach past.

I dithered for a moment, but that was all the time it needed to lock eyes with me again. I took off before I could think about it, taking a wide circle again in hopes of making it back to the others, but apparently the ogre was having none of that. It stomped forward, cutting me short as it took the inside route. Oh no, they were smarter than game AI. I stepped back as it advanced, wanting to turn around and out run it, but my stupid, stupid legs wouldn't cooperate. Then, Carver was in front of me.

"You soulless bastards!"

He swung at the arm which descended towards us and gave it a good slice along the forearm. Roaring in pain, the ogre managed to backhand him away.

I might have screamed as his body flew through the air, rolling to a stop at Hawke's feet. She grit her teeth and looked up, eyes ablaze with fury.

"Hey ugly!" she yelled, running towards the beast, "I believe you're missing something!"

It responded with its own roar, though it quickly changed to pain as Hawke lopped off several of its fingers.

"Or at least you are now."

Aveline ran up beside her, and together they began a dangerous dance. With the ogre's attention off me for the time being, I skirted around to Bethany, leaning over her brother.

"Carver? Brother?" 

Her words came out stiff and muted, like her throat was blocked. I looked closer and saw the tears slowly building in her eyes. My own throat was suspiciously tight, but I had to check, make sure...

My first-aid training had expired at least seven years ago, the last time I had bothered lifeguarding. However, I did remember the basics. I hoped it would be enough. Steeling myself, I grabbed Bethany's shoulder and made sure I had her attention.

"Move back Bethany." My voice sounded more steady than I hoped for, and I continued.

With her out of the way, I leaned over his body. Gently, I felt his neck; It didn't seemed broken. Maybe his spine was okay too. His body was limp, arms flopping to the ground as I rolled him onto his back. I bit my lip, hoping I wasn't making things worse. My heart was beating hot in my throat, chest too constricted to hold it, but I gently tilted his head and lowered myself to his face. I couldn't hear any breathing. Desperately, I put my hand in front of his nose. No air movement. I moved my hand to his neck instead, placing my first two fingers just under the hook of his jaw, and pushed lightly. I waited. One second, two, three... Finally, after a grueling six seconds I felt a weak flutter. Okay, okay, so he was in bad shape, but alive.

Bethany came back into my line of sight, looking into my eyes. "Are you a healer?"

Not unless she counted my vague knowledge of first aid. I shook my head. "You?"

She fidgeted before answering. "Not much. Just flesh wounds. Right now, I can only heal things I can see."

"Fine, just, do it." I ran my fingernails across my scalp. Next step in treatment. I didn't have time to think. While Bethany concentrated on his bloody scrapes, I moved myself over Carver's chest.

One hand over, then other hand on top; I pushed with the heel of my hand, right? I positioned my shoulders over my hands to make it easier to push, and I started up a rhythm, shoving down on Carver's chest.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

I whispered to myself to make sure I kept pace. I didn't know how many repetitions I needed, so I just sang the chorus a couple times. My adrenaline made sure I pushed deep enough, and I felt a small crack below my hands. Right, ribs can crack during CPR, great, fine. Bethany didn't stop me though; I must have looked confident enough. Then I moved back to his face. Don't think about it, just do it, do it do it-

I tilted his head a little more and opened his jaw, leaving my right hand cupping his chin. Just before starting, I remembered to plug his nose with my other hand. I lowered and placed my mouth over his, leaving no gaps. Twice I breathed out all of my air into him, making sure the chest rose a couple inches. I checked his heartbeat. Still just a flutter.

I started the process again, not paying attention to anything else. The next time I checked his pulse, it felt more consistent. Still quiet and slow, but keeping an almost steady beat. Should I keep going? I didn't want to stop his heart just as he recovered.

I settled for two more life-saving breaths. Why wasn't he breathing? Bethany was done healing now; I saw no scrapes on him. Maybe the injuries were mostly internal?

I started to shake. Bethany put a hand out to stop me from starting another set.

"What-?" I spit out, angry. I was trying to save her brother's life. But her tears stopped me; She was already grieving.

I heard the others coming up behind us, and knew the darkspawn were dead. We had to move, or we might not have another chance. But one more look at Carver's face had me pushing away Bethany's hand. If they weren't going to help him, I would give it my all.

I placed my hands down on his chest again, fingers intertwined, and began another set. Someone was weeping, probably Mama Hawke, and my chest tightened in sympathy. I felt a tingling across my skin, centered at my heart before jumping down my arms.

A couple gasps reached my ears, and Mama Hawke stopped crying, but I couldn't get distracted. Not even when I felt another prickle across my skin or saw light spots dancing in my vision.

I made it to the end of my compressions and began two more breaths. I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard a strangled inhale next to my ear. He- he was alive! Not to say he wasn't before but, now he was really alive, or something.

I let out a shaky laugh and closed my eyes against my tears. They escaped anyway. I heard Mama Hawke kneel next to her son.

"Carver, Carver wake up. The battle's over. We're fine." I opened my eyes to see her stroking his hair.

Sitting up, I now saw Hawke and Aveline walking up behind her, grim looks on their faces.

"I'm sorry Mistress..." Aveline started, but seeing Carver's breaths made her pause. "How is he?"

Wait, she was looking at me now. Say something helpful, Sabrina. "Alive?" Perfect.

I stuttered in embarrassment and stood up so I could look her in the eyes, sort of. Aveline was tall, wow. "That is, he's breathing now- again. And also, heartbeat. He-he needs actual healing though."

Hawke took charge then, helping her mother tilt up Carver's head. They trickled a potion down his throat, both watching carefully for the automatic swallow before continuing.

Ser Wesley stepped up next to his wife, eyes narrowed at me. "You say you were not aware of this?" He made a sweeping motion with his hand, gesturing to the whole scene.

I froze. W-was he talking about my future knowledge? No, that wouldn't make sense. I swallowed and gathered my thoughts.

"Not aware of what?" My confusion just caused his face to contort in anger.

"Don't play coy, mage," he spat. My eyes blew wide at the accusation. "That's twice now you've used magic."

"But it wasn't-"

"Do not lie to me!"

Bethany stepped closer to me, drawing Ser Wesley's attention.

"You knew," he accused, "And you hid it from me."

Aveline beat Bethany to the punch. "I suspected as much." She ignored the distressed look her husband threw her. "I thought you must have a good reason for hiding it. Did you also come from Ostagar? With the rest of the circle enchanters?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "I'm not a mage!" I insisted. Ser Wesley began to argue his point, but I cut him off. "That was CPR! It's a life-saving technique. Maneuver. Anyone can do it if they learn!"

"Yes, clearly creating lightning from your hands is a learned skill." That amount of sass was completely unnecessary. What did he mean, lightning? I did no such thing.

I could feel blood pulsing behind my ears, so I looked away from the Templar. However, everyone else looked just as skeptical as he did at my declaration. 

"What are you talking about?" I reluctantly turned to look at him again. "All I did was- was chest compressions." At my protesting, even Bethany turned to face me.

"Do you truly not know what you're capable of?" I had no response. Neither, it seemed, did anyone else.

Thankfully, Hawke took this time to speak up. "It doesn't matter right now. Sabrina-" I startled at my name, "-Come and help mother with Carver." I nodded, still shaking.

As I moved over, I could feel Ser Wesley's eyes boring into me. I was afraid to meet them, not sure what expression he'd be making, but certain it would upset me more. Bethany was the one to break the silence. 

"We need to get moving. Carver wouldn't want us to sacrifice ourselves."

The twisting on Mama Hawke's face told me she was thinking exactly what I was. Carver would clearly do so for any of us. Neither of us voiced it though. Instead, we worked together to get Carver between us, one arm hooked over each of our shoulders.

By the time we were ready, we heard more snarling, hurlocks once again charging up the hill where we stood.

"Flames, we're too late," Aveline cursed.

"No," Hawke breathed, frustrated, "Can't give us a break, can they?"

Mama Hawke and I stumbled back towards the cliff side looming over us, hoping to protect our backs, along with Carver. Ser Wesley limped next to us, arm now wrapped tightly around his midsection, breathing more labored than before. 

The others formed a semicircle around us, slaying as many as possible, but more darkspawn kept coming. Our window of opportunity was closed.

"There's no end to them." Bethany's sentiment had a sort of finality to it; We all saw the numbers which continually took place of the fallen spawn.

I tightened my grip on Carver. Come on, come on, don't let me down. Where's that deus ex machina?

Just as the others readied their weapons for the next round, we heard a screeching roar from behind us, and I sighed in relief. The darkspawn began to back away almost nervously. Thank God. We all looked behind ourselves, up at the bluff at our backs, where a dark maroon dragon perched, plain to see.

She growled lowly before tensing her muscles and leaping off, spreading her wings quickly enough to avoid hitting the ground. Our party crouched as she soared over us, opening her maw to release a scorching stream of fire at the company of darkspawn in the clearing.

No one seemed coherent enough to say anything about the obvious high dragon. What does one say about the timely appearance of the most powerful, primarily female species in the land? We simply watched as she wheeled back around, grabbing an unfortunate hurlock in her maw and climbing skyward. Once high enough, she dropped her prey. The creature's dying screech was abruptly cut off as it hit the ground with a crunch, bones breaking and organs ruined.

I grimaced at the sounds and sight, looking away soon after. That was more gruesome than I was expecting.

The dragon circled around and landed across from us on the hill. After throwing one more gout of flame into the last group of dark soldiers, she swept her muscled tail into those behind her. The final hurlock was crushed beneath her front paw. Or was it foot?

The dragon then turned her attention to us, standing only on her hind legs. I didn't look at the rest of the group, but I was certain they were as transfixed as I was, if more wary of the potential threat.

A flash of fire and light swirled around the dragon, slowly condensing into Flemeth's badass self. The older woman stood tall, clad in red leather with knee-high steel greaves and similar gauntlets. Her white hair whipped in the remaining wind of her magic, four parts styled back like the horns she had just shed, all of it held back by a steel headpiece. She stalked towards us, her long maroon tabard sliding over her legs as she dragged the dead hurlock in her hand.

I felt significantly less awed when I noticed it was only connected to its arm by a sliver of tendon and muscle. She finally dropped the spawn as she fully cleared the smoke.

"Well, well," Flemeth said tauntingly, "What have we here?"

Her voice--oh, help--was exactly, exactly like I remembered. And I would know the rough cadence anywhere; It was the same as Captain Janeway.

Clanking armor distracted me, and I noticed Aveline helping her husband sit back against the cliff. Oh no, I had forgotten about him. There was nothing I could do to help though. Not even Flemeth could. I turned to face her again, stomach churning.

Her eyes and mouth wore an amused tilt. "It used to be we never got visitors to the Wilds, but now it seems they arrive in hordes!"

I must've heard it three times by now, but I finally understood her joke. Hordes. Like the darkspawn horde currently invading her home. I sighed, not in the mood to appreciate her humor.

The eldest of the Hawke siblings seemed to share my sentiment, placing herself directly in front of the injured party members.

"I don't know what you are," Hawke started, voice strong though her hands clenched tight, "but I won't let you harm us."

"Let me?" Flemeth seemed amused by this. "If I wished you harm, I daresay you would not be able to stop me." She then turned and began strolling away. 

"Sister," Bethany spoke, and I leaned in to hear her soft words, "Perhaps she is one of the enchanters from Ostagar."

Hawke turned to tilt an eyebrow. "Somehow, I doubt that."

"Did you see everyone there?" the youngest countered, "Her abilities certainly would have helped her survive."

Eyes flicked back to the old woman, hesitant, before realization crossed the older sibling's face.

"Hold on." Flemeth paused, so Hawke continued cautiously, "Where did you learn to turn into a dragon?" The witch looked at us over her shoulder. 

"Perhaps I am a dragon." Her smirk did nothing to confirm or deny her claim. "If so, count yourself lucky. The smell of burning darkspawn does nothing for the appetite." Looking back at the dying flames, she continued.

"If you wish to flee the darkspawn, you should know you are heading in the wrong direction." 

Ah, dammit. Why didn't I insist on a course change earlier? They might have listened, though I wouldn't have known how to get around the troops already north of us. Actually, maybe it's better we just ran into Flemeth. Carver's weight on my shoulder seemed heavier at the thought, but I ignored it.

"Wait!" Bethany walked just past her sister, despite whispered protests. "You can't just leave us here!"

The witch stopped, a dangerous, "Can I not?" crawling from her lips as she slowly turned to face us again.

"I spotted a most curious sight: a mighty ogre, vanquished! Who could perform such a feat?" Her gaze lingered on Hawke as she stalked back towards our party. "But now my curiosity is sated, and you are safe... for the moment." Her gaze flicked to Bethany, challenging. "Is that not enough?"

The younger sister didn't have a response. Hawke, however, stepped up to her side, meeting Flemeth's eyes.

"It's fine, Bethany. We can travel on our own."

"All the way to Kirkwall?" the young mage asked, frowning, "With this many darkspawn?"

"Kirkwall?" The whole party looked stiff as the old woman pondered aloud. "My, but that is quite the voyage you plan. Your king will not miss you, hmm?"

I watched as Hawke visibly tried to relax. Loved Not-Actually-Captain-Janeway in the game, but I was uneasy with her uncaring tone now that my life was on the line. Hawke had some success calming down, as she gave a tense one shoulder shrug.

"I'm surprised you don't know. King Cailan was betrayed. So, I'm sure he'll miss his life more." Flemeth was startled into a laugh. 

"Oh, you I like." The smile never left her eyes as she went on. "Hurtled into the chaos you fight... and the world will shake before you." 

Everyone's wariness grew at that statement, though I simply watched as she turned to pace away. Carver was getting heavy, so after a glance at Mama Hawke and an understanding nod from her, we slowly knelt down to set Carver against the cliff side. Mama Hawke stayed next to her son, but I stood up again, limbs still shaking.

"Is it fate or chance? I can never decide." Flemeth's sentence trailed off as she bowed her head in thought. When she looked back, her face hardened with a decision.

"It appears fortune smiles on us both today. I may be able to help you yet." She gave a chilling smile and looked directly at... me? "Though how much, I cannot say."

The two sisters seemed to pick up on the oddity as well. They exchanged a look before Hawke spoke. 

"There must be a catch."

Flemeth laughed again, though this one seemed more scornful. "There is always a catch, life is a catch! I suggest you catch it while you can."

"Maybe we shouldn't trust her," Bethany cautioned, "I don't even know what she is."

"I know what she is," Aveline spoke up, "The Witch of the Wilds."

"Some call me that," she agreed, "Also Flemeth. Asha'bellanar. An 'old hag who talks too much.'" She chuckled after her last title, low and harsh.

"But it's a Chasind legend. Witches that steal children."

"Bah!" Flemeth waved the accusation away. "As if I had nothing better to do! And does it matter? I offer you this: I will get your group past the horde in exchange for a simple delivery to a place not far out of your way." She watched all of our reactions as she offered this, but kept most of her attention on Hawke, the obvious leader. "Would you do this for a 'Witch of the Wilds?'"

"You're an apostate?" Bethany asked cautiously.

"Yes," the witch assured softly, "Just like you. And just like her."

My stomach twisted harshly at the attention I was now getting from several people. Though I tried to protest, they came out weak, too quiet. Flemeth ignored my feeble excuses and let her smile grow.

"You would go through all that to have something delivered?" Hawke questioned.

"I have... an appointment to keep." What had it been again? Maybe something to do with her daughter, Morrigan. Ellen and I had never finished that companion quest. Or started it for that matter. I shook the thought away and listened.

"It is far more convenient this way. Happily, you're not without your own needs."

"How much trouble will this delivery be, exactly?"

"About as much trouble as my saving your lives not five minutes ago."

"Good point," Hawke said, sheepish. Flemeth chuckled softly.

"If you knew my daughter, you'd know how seldom I hear that." I actually watched Hawke hold herself back from addressing the witch's offhand comment.

"Even so, that's a lot to ask without telling us what this involves."

"It's nothing more dangerous than one so capable can handle." Which meant it was troublesome.

Hawke turned her head to the rest of our group.

"Should we trust her?"

"Wesley is injured," Aveline worried, "We'll never escape the darkspawn."

"If you need to, leave me behind."

"No!" Aveline turned a determined look on her husband, "I said I would drag you out if I had to, and I meant it."

"Carver won't make it in his condition, either," Mama Hawke said, voice low, "We need help."

Hawke looked particularly grim as she turned to the Witch of the Wilds. "We have to reach Kirkwall first."

"But you will do it."

"We don't have much choice, it seems."

"We never do," Flemeth agreed. "There is a clan of Dalish elves near the city of Kirkwall. Deliver this amulet to their keeper, Marethari."

Hawke stepped closer to grab the amulet from Flemeth's hand. I didn't get a good look, but it looked to be made of gold with some sort of twisting design.

"Do as she asks with it and any debt between us is paid in full. Before I take you anywhere, however, there is another matter or two..." She turned her attention to Ser Wesley, whose coughs had become more violent even just in the few moments they had been talking.

Hawke noticed as much, face twisting and eyes sorrowful. Right, she was at Ostagar, of course she knew what darkspawn corruption looked like.

Aveline still stood up before Flemeth. "No! Leave him alone!"

Though the witch stopped walking, her voice contained a note of apology. "What has been done to your man is within his blood already."

"You lie!"

"She's right, Aveline," Ser Wesley croaked. "I can feel the corruption inside me." He heaved another cough. "From the darkspawn. All that blood... I knew, when it happened..."

"Then how much time before you...?" Tears gathered in my eyes at the tremble in her voice. I knew I was a chain crier. I could never stop myself from feeling sympathetic.

"Not long now, if I am any judge." Flemeth's words rang like the final tolling of a church bell.

His wife looked absolutely miserable, pleading to Hawke with her eyes.

"There must be something we can do." But I could tell Hawke had already lost hope.

"The only cure I know of is to become a Grey Warden," Flemeth offered.

"And they all died at Ostagar."

"Not all, but the last are now beyond your reach." Hawke and Flemeth shared a look, and their eyes made it clear they both accepted the inevitability of Ser Wesley's death.

"Aveline-" Hawke started.

"No!"

"Aveline. Listen to me," Ser Wesley beckoned. His wife settled next to him.

"You can't ask this of me. I won't!"

"Please," he breathed, "The corruption is a slow death. I can't..."

She still looked hesitant as Hawke kneeled beside them. When she turned to face our de-facto leader, her eyes had a glassy sheen.

"He's your husband, Aveline. I can't decide his fate."

She shook her head, looking into Ser Wesley's foggy eyes and whispered something I couldn't hear.

"Aveline," he beckoned. He placed a weak hand over hers. "Be strong, my love." 

A tear cut a path through the blood on Aveline's cheek as her husband jerkily unsheathed a dagger at his side.

I had to look away as they shared their last moments. A pained grunt followed by a rattling exhale let me know the deed had been done. Bethany put her hand on my shoulder and gave a light squeeze, giving me the strength to look over at the couple. 

Aveline closed his eyes and hung her head. I could tell the group was anxious to move on, but we couldn't leave just like that. We needed some sort of send off, or prayer, or at least to burn his corpse so it wouldn't get eaten or possessed. 

Flemeth had stepped up behind Aveline, looking more remorseful than I expected. "Without an end, there can be no peace."

I had always liked her sentiment, but it hit me how alone Aveline would feel now. The living grieved, not the dead.

Hesitant, I stepped forward, gaining the attention of both women. Ignoring the stare of one of my idols--but oh god it's Janeway--I locked eyes with Aveline.

"Would you-- I can..." Speaking up was harder than I thought. I had always been embarrassed showing my religion to people who didn't share it. I always felt like I was being judged for it. But now was not the time for such discomfort; Aveline was waiting for a complete sentence. After a calming breath I continued.

"I want to pray for him," I stated. Feeling the blood rush straight to my head I added, "If that's o-- ...please."

She just nodded, probably thinking I would recite something from the Chantry. I sighed and knelt down, a tear finally escaping my eyes at the sight of his clammy, greyish skin. He had already started developing pustules on his face before he died.

There was only one prayer which came to mind when I thought of death. "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee."

Usually, for someone's passing, we prayed a whole rosary, but I knew we didn't have that kind of time, even with Flemeth on our side. So I simply finished my prayer and added one of my favorites to the end.

"Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end, Amen."

With the "Glory Be" finished, I opened my eyes, unsure exactly when I had closed them. Once I stood up, feeling both calmer and more embarrassed, I simply made my way back to Carver and Mama Hawke, eyes glued to the ground.

Before I could offer to help pick him up, Flemeth's voice stopped me.

"And that brings up the second matter." I looked up to find her staring right at me. What matter? "What are you going to do now?"

The look of confusion on my face must have been a dead giveaway, since she clarified.

"You have already saved this young man's life,"--she gestured to Carver--"so what reason do you have to continue with this group?"

She appeared genuinely curious, but I didn't know what sort of answer she was expecting.

"I have nowhere else to go," I said hesitantly, "I--I want to stay with them."

I kept my gaze trained on Flemeth, afraid to see the expressions of any of the other Hawkes. How embarrassing. I hated being dependent or telling people how much I liked them. I felt soft.

"Is that so?" she asked. "I suppose that their plight is what inspired you to come here in the first place."

I felt my back and neck heating with the suggestion. "I didn't come here on purpose." With effort, I forced the words out. "I don't even know... how I ended up here in the first place." Admitting it made my stomach churn, especially when it seemed everyone's gaze sharpened on me.

"You do not know?" she inquired. I shook my head. "Hmm. An inexperienced voyager. And a mage, at that. How fortuitous."

My hair stood up on end at her tone. Hawke and Bethany both moved slightly more in front of me, once again tense.

"What do you mean by that?" Hawke questioned.

"Exactly as I said," she responded. "But if she insists on following you, you may want to consider a change in wardrobe." She directed the last part at me, and I felt all the blood drain from my face.

"That's not an answer," Hawke insisted.

"Does it have to be? I believe I have made myself perfectly clear on the matter." The edge to her voice made Hawke back down.

Aveline was inspecting me closely, and I swallowed, hands coming up to wrap around myself. I knew my jeans and red graphic-tee would draw their curiosity, and I wasn't sure how to answer any questions. Finally, the redhead spoke up.

"She's right." Her voice was horse from grief, but she plowed on. "Even if you aren't fighting close range, or at all, you should have more protection than that."

"But we don't have any extra sets she could wear," Bethany argued, "and there's nowhere we could get some at this point."

Flemeth seemed amused for some reason. "It just so happens that I have an old set of robes that I no longer require."

Despite how uncomfortable I was, I couldn't help but raise my eyebrows. I was clearly at least a foot shorter than her.

"And how exactly will that help us?" Aveline sounded skeptical.

"You needn't take them if you don't want them," Flemeth assured, "but they will certainly be a lot warmer than what you currently have."

The chill in the air hit me full force. Even with the all the running I'd done and fire being thrown around, the temperature in the air should have been more noticeable. I chalked it up to shock.

My slight shiver was all the convincing we needed. I nodded at Flemeth, and Hawke backed me up with a cautious thanks. The witch gave me another glance before turning and stalking away one final time.

When Calenhad bumped into my leg, I lowered a hand to run across his shoulders. The motion was soothing until I ran into a wet spot on his right side. A quick glance told me it was blood, and I jerked my hand back. He whined, but I couldn't bring myself to try petting him again.

"It gets no easier," Flemeth warned, still facing away, "Your struggles have only just begun."

We all watched warily as she stopped at the edge of the clearing, raising her arms. Power ran through her, manifesting in light while blowing her hair and clothes behind her. I felt a strange tingle across my skin, like an intangible wind was caressing me.

It died down just as quickly as it came, leaving everyone to unwind. 

"I suggest begin your journey immediately. I have provided as much help as I am able, at this point."

Hawke, at least, had already relaxed enough to respond. "I don't suppose you would roast a few more darkspawn?"

A small smile graced Flemeth's face. "Sadly, my charity is at an end." She turned one last look to me. "We choose what and how we believe. Will your choice blind you to the truth, I wonder?"

With those cryptic words, she swirled with more power, the light so bright we all squinted or looked away. Then she was gone.

*-*-*

We were fortunate enough to have a small campfire that night. Though the darkspawn pursued us for a couple hours at the start, they had slowly dwindled, and we hadn't seen many during our last hour of travel. Similarly, the gorgeous bluebird who had been our guide was nowhere to be seen.

It had been odd, following an animal who was probably charmed to help us. I wondered if it was like something from Brisingr. However, the bird had come with gifts. We had only been walking for a few minutes after Flemeth left, in a more easterly direction than before, when we had come upon the blue feathered creature. Perched on a fallen tree, it trilled when we got close, but did not move. Haw--Marian had noticed the bundle sitting next to it. Closer examination showed it consisted of a couple blankets and the promised green robes. Thankfully, it appeared they had been altered and hemmed to the point they would fit me well enough.

After I had carefully pulled them on, the bird had flown dutifully ahead of us; close enough to see and hear while keeping a good pace. I wondered if it's directions were the reason we eventually lost the darkspawn on our tail.

Fleeing still exhausted the group, of course. I was sore all over. Carver wasn't even entirely to blame, as I had been tired and beat up even before having to cart his dead weight for miles. Mama Hawke and I had been staunch in our 'no's to anyone who offered to help carry him. They were our fighters, and needed to be in top shape if we wanted to survive. Silently though, I wondered if our slower pace would mean we couldn't make it through Ferelden the way they did in the game.

I shivered. The ground was cold, even close to the fire. Mama Hawke had been discussing the possibility of snow with Bethany, and I fully believed the prospect. Marian noticed my tremors and came to sit next to me.

"So." She looked contemplative. "How are you taking this?"

My sigh sounded ragged, even to my ears. "I... I don't think I can talk about it."

As much as I wanted to be truthful, there was way too much for me to come to terms with. I wasn't sure it was all really happening. When I stared into the fire, it felt like there was a blanket draped over the world. As though I was just a visitor in my own body.

Her brows furrowed and lips thinned. She hesitated a few times, breath catching before she reached out, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Maybe you should." Her eyes burned into mine. 

It was so weird how Marian felt like an older sister; That was always my role. My stomach squeezed as I thought of it, and I couldn't look at her face anymore. Instead, I glanced at my intertwining fingers, rubbing small circles with my thumbs.

"How old are you?" I blurted. Her eyebrow hiked up.

"Twenty-three."

God, she was my age. Hot shame ran down my spine and I clenched my fingers.

"What about you?"

"Twenty-three, also."

"Not so different then."

I sighed. It gave me no comfort. She had experience fighting. How would I survive? I had to get home and... A glance at Carver's form had me blurting out my fears.

"My brother... he's only--he's like, ten--or nine, I meant. H-he..." I buried my head in my hands. "I need to go home." My breath hitched and I felt a couple tears slide down my face. 

Marian shuffled over and wrapped her whole arm over my shoulders. She tried to comfort me, but I couldn't stop, words pouring from me.

"He d-doesn't know where I am--he..."

"He'll worry?"

I burst into full sobs. "I have to... he needs me."

Words completely failed me, and I resorted to whines and moans with unintelligible words gasped out periodically. The warrior surprised me when she turned completely and pulled me into her embrace. I desperately grabbed her sides and hid my face in her shoulder. When my shaking slowed down, only then did she speak.

"Where's home then? Can..." She sighed and rubbed circles into my back. "Can we help you get there?"

She would abandon so much for me? Or maybe she would just help me find a way to travel there once we reach Gwaren. Either way, it's surprisingly sweet.

I shook my head regardless. "N-no. I don't think... It's too far. And, I don't know how to get back." I whispered the last part, terrified as the truth of it hit me.

Marian allowed me to get over my bout of shivers. It took several minutes, and more crying, but I quieted my sobs.

I noticed I was hugging her, and awkwardly moved to sit beside the warrior, though I couldn't quite remove one of my arms from her. Staying partially in the side hug was comforting, and I was grateful she removed her outer armor.

The words for a thank you wouldn't come, but I nodded and attempted a smile. She leveled a wry grin at me in return.

"You're not going to tell me you're from the Anderfels, are you?"

"What?" Her random question actually surprised me. "No... Why would I?"

"No reason, really. I suppose you reminded me of... an acquaintance." I was too scatterbrained to figure out who she meant, not to mention my lack of Dragon Age lore. However, Marian continued before I could question her statement. "So then, where is 'home' for you?"

Oh, no, I couldn't. She wouldn't believe me, and even if she did, I wasn't sure I should be giving out such information. Her face was getting colder and more skeptical as time went on and I didn't answer. Dammit, dammit. 

My bottom lip began trembling again, my emotions still unstable and volatile from my earlier cry. I tried to keep it still, but my face just pulled into a pitiful expression, I was sure. Marian confirmed it when her eyes softened again.

She wrapped her arms around me again as I started another round of tears.

"Well, I suppose it is a bit late for questions like that."

"I'm so sorry, I want to, but... we just met and..." My uneven breaths keep breaking into my sentences, so I try to calm down. "I don't know. Don't be angry..."

"I'm not, Sabrina. I'm not."

I continued to cry in her arms right up until I fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Whoo boy, would you believe part of this had been in the first chapter? My roommate suggested I cut it, so that's how this one happened so fast. Seriously, don't expect stuff so quick all the time.
> 
> Well, we finally got to the first major change! Huzzah! Carver was going to die as per game canon, but my roommate whined and complained... so now I have a really difficult curve ball to deal with.
> 
> Honestly I want to talk about my decisions and ALL THE LORE I have to keep up with, but that would take up entirely too much space. Feel free to review or message me though! I love answering questions and discussing my choices. See ya!


	3. Long Road to the Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabrina deals with traveling, completely deserved scrutiny, and a dream that means nothing (probably).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Bioware owns Dragon Age II. I'm just playing in **THE** **D** ragon **A** ge **S** etting.

Waking up was awful. The first thing I noticed was the cold. Even with my whole body curled in the fetal position, I still shivered. Darkness cloaked the whole campsite, except near the small fire someone must have kept going. I could only barely tell the sun would rise soon, judging by the lighter blue I saw between the trees. My nose was clogged, thanks to the chill, and my lips were dried and cracking. The next thing I noticed was my aches. Most were from running and carrying Carver yesterday, but I could tell more had crept in from the hard ground I'd laid on all night. That thought led to my last discovery. I wasn't in the same position I'd fallen asleep in. of course, I had fallen asleep while crying in Hawke's arms. Embarrassing. It would only make sense she would lay me down afterwards, which was why I was confused about the body curled up next to mine.

Sitting up slowly, I turned my head, spotting a large dog curled against me. What was his name? Ah, Calenhad? His own head lifted to look at me, a hopeful, dopey grin on his face.

"Were you keeping me warm?" I turned more to scratch his head, forcing words out of my horse throat. "Thanks sweetie."

He tilted his head into my ministrations before standing up. Shivering, I followed his example.

"Good morning, Sabrina." Hawke nodded at me from across the low burning fire. Though she was wearing her armor again, her sword remained unequipped, and she had less wounds than I remembered seeing.

I nodded back, bleary-eyed, and took in the rest of the small camp.

Mama Hawke was speaking quietly with Aveline, frowns on their faces. Near the fire, Bethany was looking over Carver, seemingly checking for more injuries we may have missed. He was still unconscious. My stomach flipped and I looked away, seeing Calenhad walking over to Hawke to receive more praise.

Aveline joined Hawke, standing tall, though her face was grave. "Alright, it's a three day walk to Gwaren. We've made some progress already, but I expect it may take a little longer than usual... considering the circumstances."

The air was heavy for a while, and I shivered before walking closer to the fire, kneeling in front of it. At least now my hands felt better.

"Well, all things considered, there is some good news," Ha- Marian said, voice sounding stilted after the silent air. "We are going through a good portion of the forest, so there will be plenty of roots, and game if we're lucky. We haven't seen the darkspawn in a while, so it should be safe to take some breaks." I saw her gaze shift to myself and her mother before flicking away.

"And of course, we won't get lost." She pointed up and I noticed yesterday's colorful bird was back, trilling gently. "Funny little thing, but I suppose getting help from a witch brings some... odd occurrences."

Aveline nodded and picked up the thread. "Leandra, Sabrina, are you well enough to keep carrying Carver?"

"Of course," Mama Hawke spoke up quickly from her son's side.

When Aveline turned to me, I managed a small nod. I mean, either carry him or fight, right? And I had no experience hunting or gathering either.

"Well then," Hawke sighed, "We have enough time to eat a bit before we move out."

Breakfast was a subdued affair, since the Hawkes had left their home quickly they didn't have much food with them, and Aveline and I had nothing. Despite the dire circumstances, I found curiosity poking at my mind.

"You didn't live in Lothering?" I asked Aveline. She shook her head.

"No, I'm usually stationed in Denerim. I was part of the army, remember?" I offered a sheepish smile. Honestly, survival had been on my mind more, along with trying to come to terms with this situation. "Right. I never managed to fully escape the horde after Ostagar. I had only arrived at Lothering yesterday, and found... Wesley. The horde arrived right after me."

How awful. "So, you didn't arrive with everyone else...?" I gestured to the two other warriors in our group.

"When the darkspawn broke through our lines, it was chaos. Only small groups managed to escape. Other than..." Her mouth pulled down into the deepest frown I had seen from her. "I suppose that isn't important right now."

She didn't need to explain. If there was one thing I would always remember about Origins, it was Loghain's betrayal of King Cailan. All the troops that pulled out early, leaving their king without support... Feeling heat in my empty stomach, I turned my thoughts to food instead.

Luckily, the early risers had found some hardy berries nearby, and there was enough bread for everyone to break off a handful. Both foods were nothing like what I was used to. The bread was fairly coarse and tasted... odd, not at all like wheat. Despite my initial surprise, the next few bites tasted good enough. The berries... well, I knew I'd need all the energy I could get, but they were so bitter. I found myself with a permanent twist to my face as I stuffed berries in my mouth, trying to chew them just enough to shove down my throat without choking.

Marian was throwing amused glances at me, despite the fact she had yet to actually speak up about it. Thank God. Surprisingly, Bethany was the one who broke the silence.

"Aveline, are you coming with us to Kirkwall?"

The redhead paused, lowering her bread, and sighed.

"I-I'm sorry," she asked, "It's just, I know Gwaren has ships that go elsewhere in the Free Marches, or even..." She stopped as Aveline shook her head, a small smile on her face which didn't reach her eyes.

"I have nothing holding me here anymore. Wesley... And I don't wish to stick around for the darkspawn."

Bethany nodded soberly.

Chatter was sparse afterwards; Bethany did a quick check up for everyone to make sure no one had injuries which needed tending to. Surprisingly, I found out she had healed most of my scrapes last night after I fell asleep, though I was sure I had less than everyone else. Looking around, I noticed Marian and Aveline each had poultices wrapped around their arms, as well as some uncovered bruises. Bethany must have reached her limit for mana reserves last night. I wondered how much she regained by sleeping, and if she was saving it in case of an emergency.

Once the fire was put out and the camp cleaned, Mama Hawke and I lifted Carver to drape over our shoulders.

The walk was harder this time, with no adrenaline fueling me and the previous day's aches coming back full force. Still, having a goal made helped give me something to keep pushing towards. Just get to Gwaren, just get to Gwaren... I refused to think beyond that. There was no need, I was sure. I'd be back home in no time.

Around ten o'clock, or what I assumed based on the sun, Hawke had everyone stop for our first break. I groaned after setting Carver down, and immediately sat.

Bethany plopped down next to me.

"Sabrina," she said, voice serious, "We need to talk."

"...Okay." Jesus, I couldn't even hold her stare. When was she this intense?

"I won't beat around the bush. Have you ever been trained in how to handle your magic?"

Even though the others were relaxing in their own way, I could tell they were all listening to our conversation. Even Calenhad. Dammit.

I heaved a breath. "No."

Bethany's breathing hitched, but she settled into a firm posture right after. "Really... Well, that has to be remedied. Sabrina, until further notice, I will be teaching you the basics of control."

It could only stare. "B-but, I-"

"I cannot compromise on this." Her voice was the most firm I'd ever heard. "It's irresponsible to walk around without knowing how to control your abilities. You could hurt yourself or other people without meaning to."

Stutters were the only thing I could manage, until I looked intently at Carver. I finally ground out the words, "I know. I... I never had, before I-" I managed to put my thoughts in order when Bethany put a hand on my shoulder. "I don't have magic. I can't."

"Sabrina."

I watched Carver's breathing. That was due to my CPR, right? Ser Wesley just wasn't familiar with the technique. But I remembered the look of disdain. He BELIEVED I used magic. Lightning, even. And Flemeth too...

"Sabrina," Bethany's voice broke through the haze. "Look at me."

Her voice was softer, as were her eyes when I checked.

"I... I know how difficult this can be. Trust me, I understand." Her hand squeezed the junction near my neck. "But, this is something you have to accept. You have magic. But Sabrina-" She plowed on despite how my face dropped, "- I will be here, helping you every step of the way. You are not alone."

Heat curled behind my eyes, and my gaze dropped again, this time to her boots. I wasn't alone. I wasn't sure how true the sentiment was, but just hearing her say so made it feel like something was squeezing my whole chest.

"Okay," I choked out. I spent a few more moments watching my hands twist around each other.

My body stiffened when I felt two arms wrap around my shoulders. 

"It's not the end of the world, you know."

I disagreed, as the Blight certainly seemed like an apocalypse of sorts. After my breakdown the night before, I wasn't feeling wrung out enough to relax again, and I stayed uncomfortably tense until Bethany pulled away. 

"We'll start during our lunch." With her piece said, she walked off to check in with her sister.

Dammit. She was only trying to help. But she couldn't possibly understand the conflicted thoughts swirling through my head. There was just no way to come to terms with my situation. I lowered my head to rest on my knees and wrapped my arms around them. The warmth of constantly moving was slowly seeping away.

Only a few minutes seemed to pass, dreams of home flitting through my head, before I heard another person settle down next to me. I peeked out to see Mama Hawke settle in next to me. 

"I never thanked you. For what you did for my son."

I tried a smile from the comfort of my arms. "It's fine. I-I wasn't really, I mean, I've never had to, um, try it on an actual... person."

She looked surprised. "Really? That was the first time...?"

I nodded self consciously. "Well, I mean, I haven't been certified, er, I haven't actually practiced or... uh been retaught in like, a few years so... I was just doing what I remembered from, the first time, I was... taught." God, I'm so awkward.

She just smiled more at my fumbling. "In that case, I suppose I'm even more grateful. You did seem very confident when you were performing your lifesaving technique. What was it called?"

I stiffened. "Uh, CPR."

"Hmm. An odd word."

I shrugged awkwardly. I didn't feel like explaining it stood for cardiopulmonary resuscitation. I wasn't even sure they used scientific terms.

Thankfully Mama Hawke stayed quiet, seeming to just get her strength back for what was sure to be another grueling few hours through the woods.

When everyone had sufficiently rested, we took off again.

I felt my feet rubbing against my shoes uncomfortably, and my shoulders and back were burning at this point. Could I really make it three more days?

Lunch couldn't come soon enough, and I practically dropped to the ground when we stopped. After putting Carver down, I laid on some grass, hoping no bugs would find me. The cold surely deterred them.

Calenhad came around to sniff me.

"Lucky," I grumped, "Not tired in the least." He whined at me and nudged my face. I grunted and tried to push his face away while also petting it. "Not now."

He huffed and immediately plopped next to me, head on my stomach. I just sighed and scratched his ears.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Hawke loomed over us both.

"Maybe..." I drew out the word, but made no move to get up.

She huffed, a small smile on her face. "Calenhad, you know you're going to help me find something." He huffed himself, standing up and giving her his silly grin.

"C'mon then. Sabrina, Mother has some things to eat now, if you would like."

I gave a small nod, watching her walk behind me to search the trees.

I grunted, closing my eyes instead of getting up. I felt my mind drift until a hand shook my shoulder. "Wake up Sabrina."

I opened my eyes, seeing brown eyes before blinking and stretching.

"We should start now, before my sister returns." Ah, Bethany, then.

I slowly sat up, not enthused about the whole idea. Magic was so cool, but I didn't want any more part of this craziness. I was just passing through. I sighed and watched Bethany sit herself across from me.

"We can eat after this first exercise. It would probably be best to not be sleepy for this..." A wry smile touched her face. "Though that may already be an issue for you."

I hummed. "It's not that kind of tired. I'll be fine."

"Hm. if you say so. Well, don't fall asleep on me. We're going to be practicing a form of meditation."

I perked up a little bit. She smiled wider at my attention.

"It's important to have focus when you cast, so meditation is a useful practice to keep your mind clear."

She continued to explain some of the concepts of the meditation we would be trying, letting me know that there was no real 'right' way to do it, so long as I kept my thoughts clear of distraction and focused on whatever topic I chose.

It sounded kind of like daydreaming, just with more purpose, so I nodded and followed her instruction. Soothing words encouraged me to close my eyes; I thought of just the forest around me, listening to the soft rustling and trying to feel the warmth of the sun through the crisp air.

I did well for a while, until I found myself thinking of my family. What would they do when I didn't show up? Obviously they'd try to contact me, but when they couldn't they would try to reach my roommate. What could she tell them? I had just vanished. I- I was gone and-

"Sabrina?" Bethany's clear voice broke through my musing. I saw sympathy on her face. "You did well for your first time. At least you tried to concentrate, and you were keeping a smooth aura for some time."

I sighed. "Uh, thanks."

"Don't worry." She smiled at me. "It takes some time to keep yourself grounded. Even I have a time limit that I have trouble going past. The key is to separate yourself from your thoughts; to see them, but not be a part of them. " She stood and offered a hand to me.

"Let's get something to eat, and we'll do this exercise again later today."

Hawke came back soon after we joined Mama Hawke, and everyone ate some more bread and berries, with Calenhad munching on some small rodent he was lucky enough to catch.

Once everyone finished, the hardest part of the hike happened. I felt welts and blisters on my feet, and my upper body muscles were on fire. I could hear my breath in my ears, and judging from the worried looks I got from my other companions, they noticed my struggle as well. Leandra herself was looking pretty worn when I glanced at her over Carver's shoulders.

We ended up taking an afternoon break earlier than expected, since the two of us just couldn't keep up the pace anymore.

I felt a rough grumbling and a pinching in my stomach. Great. The new food must not have been agreeing with me. All I wanted was to sleep forever, but breaks were meant for things like this, so I hesitantly made my way into the trees to take care of my business. It was... not as bad as I expected, but still way less sanitary than I wanted. I tried not to think about it and plunged my hands into a cold, clear stream of water, scrubbing briskly before heading back to our temporary stop.

When I got back, Aveline was waiting for me.

"Sit," she said, "I'll help with your muscle cramps."

I lowered myself, hesitant as she sat down behind me. She grabbed my shoulders, massaging along the back with her thumbs. I closed my eyes and relaxed as she applied a comfortable pressure around my deltoids and along my upper back, trying to push and relax my muscles there.

"Are you cold?"

I nodded to her question. "Even when we walk," I murmured, "I have poor circulation."

She hummed. "Well, I suppose I won't ask you to take off your robe then. However, when we get to our campsite for the night, I will do this again." She paused. "You'll have to sit near the fire, I suppose. The tunic you were wearing underneath this was thin enough that it won't be a bother."

I stiffened, but managed a nod. Ohhh, I really didn't want anyone to look at my Earth clothes again. It was just too weird, and I couldn't explain it. I tried to force down the lump in my throat, despite the burning it created in my tonsils. I had no time for crying right now, and I could deal with social awkwardness when it happened.

Aveline made larger motions to sooth my quickened breathing. "What's the matter?" She asked.

"Nothing."

She didn't press the issue, yet, and we soon continued on. The next bit wasn't nearly as long, since we had to stop before sundown. Surprisingly, we were able to find a small, worn path near our camp. Everyone seemed heartened at this. The bird simply twittered and flew away, not even waiting for us to stop and set up.

Aveline promised the next session after she scouted for supplies, leaving with Hawke as Calenhad stood watch over Mama Hawke and Carver.

Bethany once again sat down with me and led me through a meditation; This time I was only distracted once my stomach gave a fierce gurgle. Bethany let out a small, strangled laugh.

"I won't make you try to concentrate over that. Besides I..." When she looked past me at her brother, I nodded in understanding. We walked together to check on Carver.

"Mother," Bethany said, waiting until she got acknowledgement to continue, "How is he?"

"Well enough," Leandra answered, watching her daughter kneel down to... scan him with magic or something. "He opened his eyes, but I don't think he heard me, and he went right back to sleep." She smoothed his forehead, even as her own remained tense with wrinkles.

I stayed silent, barely hearing them discuss small things until the two warriors came back. A soft snowfall had started just before they returned. I watched it with both awe and despair. It would certainly make things colder, but I preferred snow to sleet. We didn't see much snow in Texas; It was beautiful. Dinner was subdued, though I did have the... pleasure of watching Hawke skin and slice up a rabbit before sticking the meat at a fire. Lovely.

So long as it cooked through, I probably wouldn't get sick, and I was hungry. The chunks of meat speared around the fire reminded me of kebabs. Aveline did one more session of massaging while it cooked, making sure I took my thick robe off first. The others gave my clothes questioning looks, but my determination to stare at the ground stopped any questions, for now. At least the fire melted the small snowflakes quickly and kept me relatively dry.

Just before dinner, we got our first surprise. Carver grunted, the loudest sound we'd heard from him since his injury, and opened his eyes. He seemed disoriented and unfocused, though he did look at each of us in turn.

"...?" He let out a small sound of confusion and question. Mama Hawke immediately rushed to his side. 

"Oh, my darling, can you hear me? Carver?"

He looked up at her and gave a slight nod. She smiled as a few tears ran down her cheeks, then leaned over and held him to her. "My precious boy. I'm so glad you're alright."

Everyone had a small smile on their face at this. Hawke spoke up next. "Good to see you awake brother. Figures you'd sleep away the traveling and hard work." She chuckled. "At this point, you might as well head right back to sleep."

Bethany smacked her sister on the shoulder, and even Carver sent a glare at her, his state of exhaustion and confusion completely undermining it.

"H-... How long...?" Bethany sensed his question and came around the other side of him.

"You slept all through today. Yesterday was when you... got injured." Her breath hitched before she compulsively checked his vitals. "Mother and Sabrina have been carrying you. We've gotten quite far away."

At this he looked to me, his wariness still obvious, but there was an odd shine to his eyes. He opened his mouth, paused, and looked up at his mother. The look they shared seemed familiar to me, like I had seen it in my childhood. After the eldest Hawke loosened her grip on Carver, he cleared his throat and said, "Thank you."

Only when his eyes flickered to me did I realize I was also included in his thanks. Mama Hawke was quick to assure her son she would always help him, of course. I just stared at him for a while, but when I noticed the others waiting I mumbled a "you're welcome" somewhere in between the older woman's soothing words. He shook his head.

"Can't believe you really stuck around."

I wasn't sure what to make of his statement, though I felt a light scoff push past my lips. "What, did you think I'd run off and die?"

I felt my throat clench in retaliation, and his frown made it worse. 

"Alright," Mama Hawke interjected, "Let's have Bethany take a look at you."

Carver grunted, but that seemed to be the signal to give the twins some space, so everyone else moved back to their places. He struggled with the blanket draped over him before Bethany placed it aside.

The younger sister began her usual process before pausing and calling me over. I sat opposite her, regardless of my still tensed muscles. "Sabrina," she started, hesitant, "I know you haven't had much time to practice your magic but..." 

My eyes flew wide. No, no, I couldn't practice on a real person! Damn, I hadn't even accepted I had done actual magic yet. She noticed and smiled to calm me down.

"Well, you seemed to know a technique for... saving Carver's life, even when I didn't. Do you have any more medical knowledge?"

Carver himself looked baffled. "Wait, she saved my life? What happened?"

Bethany sighed. "Brother-"

"Bethany. I deserve to know what happened. I was out for over a day and apparently almost died?"

"Um." I almost stopped speaking when he glared at me. "It-it wasn't a big- well you got, uh, hit by the ogre. We thought..." I swallowed self-consciously. "We thought you were dead. I- All I did was keep your heart beating." I hurried to clarify at the shocked look on his face. "It wasn't magic or anything! You just, I mean you have to do it right, but you push down on the person's chest to keep their heart beating, and sometimes the heart is capable of regaining it's rhythm..."

Bethany sighed. "That's true, but you did more than that." She shook her head and dropped the subject, which I was glad for. "Regardless, you haven't answered my question."

"No. I mean, I wasn't trained as a, erm, healer or anything. Just, you know. That. It was mainly meant for people who might have suffered drowning just before."

"I see. Thank you anyways." She nodded and resumed checking her brother. I didn't leave yet, just performed my own visual analysis. I cleared my throat. "His back and spine seemed fine to me, when I check before."

Bethany looked up, silently urging me to continue. 

"Um, I guess we should check how he is consciously, at this point, since I'm sure you've gone over and healed his physical wounds by now." She nodded in agreement, but didn't say anything, content to see what I would do next.

I swallowed nervously, barely able to look Carver in the eyes. "So, what's your name?"

He raised an incredulous eyebrow at me. "Are you serious?" I nodded. "Carver."

"F-full name?"

"...Carver Hawke."

"How old are you?"

"Eighteen. Look what's the point of this?"

"Just to make sure, um, that your brain is working properly. I mean-! Just that you can access information and stuff..." I let out a shaky breath. "Can you please count backwards from ten?"

He was scowling now, but did as instructed.

"Well," I said, "I honestly don't know what else we can do. Like I said, I'm not a healer."

Bethany nodded. "I'll take over from here then. Thank you."

I agreed, leaving my spot open for Leandra as she began cooing over her son again. At the campfire, I found Aveline and Hawke already in a discussion about the rest of the trip towards Gwaren.

"We've been keeping a good pace, all things considered," Aveline said, "So I expect we could arrive late tomorrow."

"Let's hope so. I don't think we have nearly the supplies we need." Hawke sounded weary, like the world was weighing her down. I wondered if having to deal with the horde twice was too much for a person. "We should run into some farms now that we're closer. Maybe- ah, Sabrina."

I dipped my head in acknowledgement and settled down near them, reaching my hands towards the fire.

"How is Carver doing?"

"Pretty good," I answered, staring into the orange flames, "I don't know how to help, but he's talking fine, so." I shrugged.

I heard a snicker. "Well, if baby brother is well enough to be talking," and she emphasized the word, "Then he must be alright." She stood and stretched.

"I think all he needs now is a visit from his loving older sister." The mischievousness written all over her made me laugh. It felt just like the sort of thing I might do to my younger brother...

I watched wistfully as Marian walked over to pester Carver, getting a loud reaction with everything she said.

A shuffling sound had me glance over at Aveline. Now that I actually paid attention, I noticed her armor was off. She looked different without it, especially since the shirt beneath was actually thicker and long sleeved, not like what she wore in the game.

"How are you holding up?" Her eyes were piercing, not wavering even when I said the usual "I'm fine" complacencies.

"You're not used to this sort of thing, I can tell," she stated bluntly. "You haven't ever fought, have you?"

"I never needed to."

She hummed. I felt a hand on my shoulder. "We're the fighters. I know this must be difficult, but it's our job to keep people like yourself and Leandra safe. Trust us on this."

I felt heat behind my eyes and nodded.

"Good. Now, I think some sleep will do you good. Here." She offered my robe. Seeing the two side by side, I concluded her shirt must be made of the same material as my robe.

"Thank you," I said, shivering. Wow, I must have been distracted to not notice how cold I was. I quickly pulled it on, dragging it over my curled legs, and shuffled towards the fire.

Falling asleep was already going to be much more difficult than the first night, I could tell. For one, I had nothing to hold onto. I always slept with at least one stuffed animal, and the lack of anything to hold was making me feel infinitely more alone. The cold was also more acute than the night before, the drifting snow making soft hissing sounds when it encountered the fire. If it didn't stop soon, we would end up wet, and thus, even more cold.

My mind was also spinning, trying to come to terms with my current situation since I had nothing to distract it. I was tired physically, but thoughts about home and the darkspawn horde chased each other back and forth.

Finally, listening to the Hawkes murmur back and forth as I stared at the red flames, I dozed off.

0-o-0

I was still feeling numb, last night not having restored as much energy as I wanted. I had woken up after everyone else, Bethany giving me gentle shakes. Even with the fire and my new thick robe, I had woken up cold. I figured the light layer of frost settled over everything might have had something to do with it. The others said we got lucky. I just dreaded the possibility of heavier snow and sleet. If I was this cold now, anything more might kill me.

Lucky for me, Carver was deemed well enough by his family to walk on his own, even with his odd pace. Mama Hawke was still hovering, to Carver's irritation and Marian's amusement. I was just glad I wouldn't have to carry him any longer. My muscles were still aching, and I wouldn't have been capable of another day.

Our pace was slower, thank god, and it gave me time to think. I ran through what I remembered of Bethany's sessions on minding my focus, stubbornly ignored the memories of darkspawn, and prayed for Gwaren to be closer.

We filled our breaks with more mediation exercises and Bethany showing me how she summoned magic into a useful form, fire. She said I couldn't practice yet, but I wasn't especially eager, since I was still coming to terms with my magic.

Carver was the one to bring up the issue.

"So, you never knew you were a mage?" His narrowed eyes made me nervous, despite the awkward shuffle he had to do.

"No."

"...Really. " He crossed his arms. "How is that even possible? What, you just ignored when things randomly caught fire?"

I had to force myself to breathe. What an asshole. How dare he. I didn't grow up in this world.

"Nothing ever caught fire," I bit out. "And how would you know what the signs are? Nothing weird ever happened to me, and I hadn't even seen any mages before."

I heard him make an wordless sound of anger. "How would I know? My twin is a mage; My father was a mage. And you're telling me, that no one, not even you, suspected you had magic until now? For that many years?"

"Carver," Leandra put a calming hand on his shoulder. "We don't know what her family was like. Perhaps the signs were small and easily dismissed."

"Well..." Bethany spoke up from behind us, "I was actually wondering that myself." She caught my eye as I peered back. "You're safe with us, you know. I can understand being afraid of showing any signs of magic, but you don't have to fear anyone here."

A quick glance showed even Aveline agreeing with her statement.

"It's not that," I sighed. "I... I really just didn't know." I put a hand over half of my face. "I don't want to talk about it," I whispered.

"If you didn't know about your abilities," Aveline started hesitantly, "Then how did you know of the darkspawn we would face."

Carver's head jerked to me again. "Yes, exactly! You pointed straight at me-" Carver demonstrated the motion, "-and declared there was an ogre. How would you know that?"

"I-!" I had no answer for them. Carver seemed to take this as affirmation of my skill and looked unnecessarily smug, if slightly pained because of how he'd jostled his healing ribs. Hawke however, she was looking over her shoulder, analyzing me. Uh-oh.

"Well, whatever the case, I think we should apologize." Bethany's guilty expression surprised me. "When we left you with mother and... Ser Wesley-" We all snuck a glance at Aveline, who looked sad, but accepting. "We assumed you had some control over your abilities, and you had just been hiding them."

Aveline herself nodded. "Yes, we shouldn't have assumed you could protect yourself with them, let alone two others."

Calenhad barked and butted into Bethany's leg. 

"Ah, of course. We didn't forget about you, boy." She rubbed his ears. "But we thought you had backup."

I waved my hands as if to dispel theirs worries. "Don't worry about it. I know you were all fighting your hardest. I-it's not like I knew either."

I was stopped by Carver's snort.

"You had better pay attention to my sister. I won't have someone untrained around my family."

Bethany looked like she was torn between thanking him and scolding him, so I just agreed and fled towards Mama Hawke, Calenhad following behind. At least the dog was happy to see me.

The conversation died a little after that, and I continued to look forward to Gwaren.

0-o-0

Gwaren was small, compared to what I was used to, but seemed clean enough. Even the older houses look expertly patched, meant to withstand time through sheer human tenacity. The midday sun shown overhead, bringing some much needed warmth. As it was the fourth day of my little romp through Thedas, convincing myself that the things around me weren't happening became difficult.

Feeling my heart rate pick up, I breathed in and out slowly, trying to hold the calm detachment Bethany had been teaching me.

The smell hit me hard. I enjoyed the salty scent in the air, relating it to all my good memories of the beaches in Texas and California. However, the strong smell of fish was incredibly overwhelming. Jesus, it was worse than walking through the seafood section of a food market.

"Alright, we don't have much time, so I think we can split up here," Hawke announced. "Mother, Sabrina and I will attempt to barter a boat trip. Aveline, Bethany, and Carver, please pick up some supplies for the trip. Anything we can afford at this point."

Calenhad barked. 

"Of course, you can go with Carver, you strong boy."

He woofed assent.

Everyone agreed to meet up in about an hour, regardless of success.

The docks were more crowded than I had expected, so many people must have realized the actual danger a Blight posed. Or even believed there was a Blight. A couple farm holds we passed on our way into town didn't seem to think there was a threat. I pitied them.

Despite our searching, most of the ships at the port were not taking passengers. The few that were had reached the maximum capacity they were willing to carry.

When I heard a woman complaining about the prices to get aboard a ship nearby, I pointed it out to Marian. It seemed like our best bet. We found the vessel, and managed to locate the first mate, a scruffy middle-aged man chewing on what looked like tobacco.

"How much to get passage to Kirkwall?"

"Kirkwall, huh? That's pretty far for three ladies to travel." We all tensed.

"Please Ser, this is important," Mama Hawke said.

He grunted. "For you three? Five sovereigns."

"That's exorbitant pricing!" Hawke exclaimed. The man just shrugged.

"Don't like it? Don't get on the ship. You aren't the only people wanting to leave the country." He spit into the water near the boat. "So if you're not paying, you're not travelin'." He took our silence as his answer and walked away to yell at some of the dock workers.

"What do we do?" Mama Hawke lamented. "Try another ship?"

Marian sighed. "I'm not sure we'll find one today. We may have to wait." She trailed off. No one liked the idea of sticking around any longer than we had to. Sure, the darkspawn had gotten progressively less as we neared Gwaren, but it wouldn't stay that way. Even I wasn't sure how many darkspawn stragglers would attack this city before the threat was neutralized. It was never mentioned in the first game.

Feeling lost, we started to make our way back to the agreed upon meeting point. With hopelessness creeping up, we almost didn't notice the person waiting for us. A young woman came walking up hesitantly to our group, glancing over at me before asking, "Are you Hawke?"

Stepping forward, Marian said, "I am. Why are you asking?"

"Here." She shoved a small coin purse at the taller woman before disappearing back into the crowd.

"What was that about?" Leandra wondered. 

"Perhaps she simply doesn't know how stealing works," her daughter joked. She shook her head and opened the bag.

A sharp inhale had me leaning closer to look inside. I watched as Marian counted out several golden coins. Unlike the currency I was used to, these coins were larger and thicker, making a deeper clink than my change might have.

"Ten..."

"Ten?" Mama Hawke whispered harshly. "But who would have...?"

"Seems that witch was more generous than she let on. Or desperate."

Hawke cinched the purse shut and jerked her head back the way we had come. As we walked, I tried to recall how much ten sovereigns was worth. I found myself drawing a blank. The gold coins were the best ones, this I knew, but I couldn't remember how much they would buy. Judging by the expressions I saw on their faces, their worth was substantial.

"So, is that enough to get all of us on a ship or...?" 

"It's quite enough for that," Mama Hawke assured.

"Assuming we can talk down the price to something reasonable." Marian had an odd expression on her face when she turned to me. "Where are you from again?" My face fell. "Ah, yes, it's all some big secret. Are you certain going to Kirkwall is the best option, then?"

"Yes," I blurted.

"Really."

Mama Hawke turned to me, a gentle hand touching my shoulder. "I know this situation is frightening, but if Kirkwall is not where you need to be, please, tell us." She smiled. "I know my daughter promised to help get you home, and that hasn't changed, for any of us. Please, allow us to help you. It's the least we could do after what you did for my son."

Her voice turned watery at the end, causing sympathy wetness to spring up behind my own eyes. "Thank you," I whispered, for some reason unable to speak any louder. She simply looked at me, the same soft smile on her face, and I realized she was expecting more of an answer. I swiped at my nose and took a deep breath. 

"I... I do want to get home-" I paused to wipe my eyes. "But, I'm not sure how. I wasn't even living at home, and last I remember before I met you, I was just on the road..."

Hawke shifted as we all came to a stop, the soft clinking in her hand reminding me of our deadline. Looking up at Mama Hawke's face, finally, I managed to continue. "I was traveling anyway, and if I die here, I'll never get home." A squeezing in my chest strangled the next words I meant to say. 'Please let me come with you.'

"That is true," Hawke said, "But I'm certain some of these ships are stopping elsewhere. They could drop you closer. If you remember where that is."

I tittered nervously. "Yeah, I... I have no idea how I ended up in Ferelden in the first place..." Both women's eyes widened. 

"Ferelden?" Mama Hawke said, hand tightening on my arm. "You weren't even in the country? Oh you poor dear." Sidling closer, she wrapped her arm completely around my shoulders. "Don't you worry, we wouldn't dream of leaving you behind in a foreign country, would we Marian?"

Said daughter sighed. "No, we wouldn't. What would help is if you told us what country you're trying to get back to. Would a map help?" She asked sarcastically.

I managed a weak chuckle. "Maybe? How big would the map be?"

She just shook her head. "And you don't remember how you got here?" Her eyes sharpened at my conspicuous silence. "Sabrina."

"Well," I said, wrapping my arms across my stomach, "At one point, the road it... wavered." I furrowed my brows and closed my eyes. "It was like, a heat mirage. Then I fell, I think, and when I hit the ground... I was just outside Lothering."

I looked up at Marian when all I heard was silence. I shifted from foot to foot, but stayed within Mama Hawke's side hug.

"You don't think your sudden journey here had something to do with your... talents, do you?" Marian asked.

I frowned. I wanted to say no, but could I be sure?

Hawke continued in a quieter volume, "That witch, Flemeth, did call you something. A 'voyager.' Perhaps that has something to do with it?"

"I'm not sure," I said slowly, "I've never heard of anyone calling themselves that. It's just, a term that means people who explore, I guess." Now that I considered who said it, it probably had some significance. ...Besides the fact someone who sounded like Captain Janeway said it. Wasn't that an odd thought.

"But, I guess, until I figure this out, I'd like to, come with you." The last part came out as more of a question, but both women did smile.

"Of course," Mama Hawke assured. Her daughter relaxed her stance.

"Well, we should probably secure that ship then." As we started following Marian, she looked at me again. "What's a heat mirage?"

Several minutes after attempting to explain a natural phenomenon I didn't fully understand, we made it back to the shipyard.

Weaving around distraught families, we saw the captain of our potential passenger ship was finally available. Hopefully he would be more helpful than the first mate.

"Excuse me, Ser," Marian called. "Do you still have room for your journey to Kirkwall?"

He responded in a gruff voice, "Depends. I got some room, but I can't take anyone unless they pay. No exceptions. Just you three?"

"No, we have three other companions, and my hound as well."

"We can't have untrained dogs on board."

"He's a mabari, and well trained."

The captain grunted, but seemed pleased enough. "Alright, well if you've got nine sovereigns on ya, feel free," he said gesturing to his ship.

Hawke pulled the pouch into plain sight, but instead of reaching in, she cocked her hip. "Six sovereigns."

The captain scoffed. "Do you know how many sods want to leave Ferelden right now? And it'll only get worse as news spreads about what happened at Ostagar. Nine sovereigns, and you should be grateful I'm still accepting passengers on a cargo vessel."

Hawke stood her ground. "Seven sovereigns, and Aveline and I will do work for you as we sail." At his unimpressed expression, she continued, "We've both trained for combat, we can handle manual labor."

"Hmm." He rubbed at his beard, stroking the coarse grey hairs. "What about your mabari? Any special skills?"

Seeing Hawke hesitate, I quickly thought of anything ships might need. Sailing problems, come on, you've read plenty of fantasy... A memory from several nights ago flashed through my head, and I found myself blurting out an answer.

"Cal- the mabari, he's good at catching rats." With the older man's attention, I swallowed and tried to appeal to both his honor and needs. "If any rodents do actually manage to sneak aboard, he'd get rid of them quick."

"...Very well." I breathed out when he finally stopped scrutinizing me. "Seven sovereigns, plus the work you've promised."

Hawke presented him with the proper amount, letting him test the coins. "Welcome aboard. Ship leaves in about thirty minutes, at the four bells."

"Thank you, good Ser," Mama Hawke said. He just waved her off.

We went to the agreed meeting place, an area with particularly nice flowerbeds, to meet up with the rest of our party. It was done. My new companions were leaving their homeland, likely never to return.

But all I could think of was how I could get back to mine.

0-o-0

I found out very quickly I was not used to sea travel. Ferries and small lake boats had not prepared me for the levels of turbulence on the open sea. Though I didn't feel seasick, at least not the way I'd heard it described, my head would occasionally throb or swirl like a dizzying amusement park teacup ride.

There was nothing much to do besides rest and talk, since the sailors didn't want us spending too much time up on deck. Apparently we would have gotten in their way as they tended to the ship's sails and various other tasks, though I was also sure I had heard superstitious whispers.

The gentle rocking threw me off sometimes, but the down time gave me plenty of opportunities to think about what I was going to do now. The ship would reach Kirkwall, and then... I follow the story?

Home was the only thing constantly on my mind. I knew I needed to find a way there, or at the very least, a plan on where and how to get pertinent information. Inter-dimensional travel wasn't a likely gossip subject. 

I swallowed the lump in my throat and focused on breathing. The smell of unwashed human flooded my senses, reminding me of the other families who managed to garner passage. Gross. I surreptitiously leaned to smell my own armpits. Okay, so they weren't the only ones.

"What are you thinking about?" I turned, surprised to see Carver talking to me of his own free will. I figured he'd be too upset with me to strike up a conversation. Maybe he was bored.

"Do you think sea water is sanitary?" I asked. "I mean, it's salty, sure, but can it get you clean?"

His eyebrows climbed his forehead. "What, are you thinking of jumping in?" I felt acid in my stomach and sent him a deadpan look. What was his goddamn problem?

A large, insincere smile spread across my face as my confusion immediately turned to burning irritation. "I was thinking of throwing some people in. Are you volunteering?"

"Of course not," he huffed. 

"Too bad," I said in mock disappointment.

"She's only looking out for your best interests, brother." Marian scooted closer to our part of the group. "How will you ever bring home a lovely lady if you smell like halibut?"

"Will you stop with that?" he demanded, ears turning red, "That's not how it was with, her, before."

I titled my head further when no answers were forthcoming. He had a love interest? Then again, in the two playthroughs I sat through with my roommate, Carver had always died. What did I actually know about him?

"Really? Well, Ellen was rather secretive, wasn't she." She turned to me. "Something the two of you have in common."

Her chipper declaration of my hidden background was pushed to the back of my mind as the name Ellen hit me. My roommate's name. I wondered how she was doing, relaxing back at our apartment.

"Hello? You don't have to ignore me in order to avoid your past."

I grimaced as Marian tried to capture my attention. "S-sorry." Avoiding every single question she threw at me, or her jabs at my lack of info, was not the best plan. I mean, so long as I didn't go saying anything crazy, like I was from another dimension or planet or whatever, it was fine, right?

"Ellen, the name, it reminded me of my roommate. So I was just thinking."

"Hmm..." Her eyes looked more sympathetic. "Your home, you said you left? You were traveling?"

"Um, yeah, I mean, I didn't expect to end up so far though. Or in a Blight," I ended up mumbling.

"I don't think anyone expected that," Carver scoffed, "Even the army."

"Your... room mate," Hawke said, low but clear, "Did you have to leave her behind?"

My eyes widened as I caught her drift. Marian and her mother were the only ones I had told about the fact I was from another country. She probably thought the 'Ellen's we were discussing were the same. My stomach rolled with the next pitch of the ship as I shook my hands back and forth. "No no," I assured, "Of course not. She's, back at our shared place, uh, in the city."

"Denerim?" Carver asked.

Sure, I thought. But I knew if I actually tried to speak the lie it would fall right through. I changed the subject.

"She'll be fine, I'm sure." Hawke immediately focused on me, and I felt my stomach flip.

"And you're alright leaving her behind?" Hawke questioned, "You don't think she'll wonder what happened to you when you don't come back?"

I flinched. God, that's what my family and roommate would actually have to deal with. Dammit. "They'll be fine," I whispered.

Neither sibling looked like they believed me. 

Carver finally spoke up saying, "Why did you get on a ship to Kirkwall then? I mean, it's stopping at a town near Denerim for supplies, right? Why don't you just get off there?"

Oh. Oh shit. Shit shit, I didn't think my story through at all. We were stopping near Denerim? I had no reason to say no, especially if I just implied my roommate was there.

"W-well, I really don't want to get caught up in the Blight..." But I knew it was a weak excuse. I mean, a responsible person would go get her friends out of danger right? If I truly thought the Blight would reach Denerim, and my best friend was actually there, I'd try to save her.

"So, you won't try to get the person who you've been living with to safety?" Carver demanded.

"I-it's not that simple, I just-"

"She's not there, Carver. She's not in Ferelden," Hawke stated. 

"What?" Carver's eyebrows slanted dangerously towards his eyes. "Where is she then? Have you been lying?"

My breath caught. "No, I mean, that's not-!"

"Sabrina," Hawke said, staring straight at me, "We've already promised you a safe passage to Kirkwall. So if you still want to come, well, there's no reason or way for me to really stop you. However, I do not want whatever you're hiding to harm my family. So if you have something you need to say, do it now."

I shook my head, panicking when she made to turn away.

"Wait! Wait. I just meant, I'm not in trouble or anything..." I winced at my exaggeration. I was in trouble, but only because I wasn't on Earth. "I really am, alone, here."

A moment passed where they both examined me, two shades of blue staring me down, and I tried to look a truthful as possible. Surprisingly, Carver spoke up first.

"We did meet an Ellen after our initial run in with the darkspawn." His brow furrowed, looking more confused than angry. "She wouldn't tell us what she was doing there, only that she had some business with the Circle."

And they were both staring me down again. What they wanted from me, I wasn't sure. I was lucky to remember all of the main characters, much less someone who might not even be in the game. Hm. Was he talking about the Circle towers where mages were kept under strict watch?

"Okay...?"

Carver's brows somehow pushed even closer together. How was he doing that? "She probably wouldn't tell us because her business was about you." He finished with a finger pointing right at me.

I managed a pitiful smile. "Not likely. No one knows where I am. I don't know anyone in Ferelden." My voice got softer and softer, until I whispered, "I told you that."

"No, you didn't. You only just told us you weren't from Ferelden." Carver lowered his voice as he leaned in. "I think that Ellen was going to the Circle, looking for you. Maybe you knew you were a mage after all."

"Carver, that's bordering on paranoid," Marian pointed out, though even she had questions in her eyes.

"Marian-" The siblings had a brief, but silent, conversation. When the younger brother looked away, Marian sighed and turned back to me.

"We'll take you at your word, for now. But I do hope you'll share with us, eventually. I can't stand not knowing things. One of my more annoying personality traits." Her mouth pulled into a lopsided grin, and I chuckled. She and Carver shared some expressions after all.

Not that they looked so similar now, considering Carver's scowl had, inexplicably, grown in the time his sister was speaking. "Well I'd like an explanation, now."

"Of course you would," Marian sighed.

"I-I can explain a little?" I squeaked. I hated when people got angry. It caused me to clam up more than usual. Carver leaned back against the mizzenmast and glared at me. His foot started a slow rhythm on the floor as I waited for confirmation.

"Well?" he barked, "I'm listening."

My heart jumped up my throat. Honestly, he could stand to calm down. I looked all over the hold, taking note of the other refugees. None of them looked like they were listening, all in various states of sleep or depression.

"Okay. I told Marian. I'm, not from Ferelden," I started, "I was... well I don't know what I was doing there. I just sort of, fell, and ended up near Lothering."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Carver demanded, though he did follow my example and lower his voice. "You fell? You don't remember why you were in Ferelden? That doesn't make any sense!"

"I-I know," I placated, "But I'm confused, too. So... I don't really have any better answers."

Marian placed a calming hand on her brother's shoulder. "Carver," she said, lowering her voice even more than we were, "We believe it may have been some... magical accident."

Carver stopped seething at me, but his eye roll was so violent I was surprised the orbs didn't fall out of his skull. "Oh, of course it was. Why not?" He started muttering to himself about witches and darkspawn and crazy researchers with no eyesight.

I didn't hear most of it, but it got Marian to raise an eyebrow. Deciding that was enough interrogation for one day, I laid down on the creaking wood and turned onto my side, ready for some sleep.

0-o-0

The days on the boat went by slowly, and I spent most of the time I wasn't sleeping doing some undercover training with Bethany. There were no Templars or members of the Chantry aboard, but we were cautious regardless, disguising the training sessions as methods for honing the mind in battle.

I was getting more comfortable with the exercises, and I found myself able to enter a calm state faster each time.

Of course, about three days in, I had the oddest dream. It was surprisingly clear, even for one of my usual dreams; The dream haze which normally covered everything and told me where to go was thinned. I felt it around, but far away, like the dream focused elsewhere. It was an odd sensation, mist I could feel but not see.

Nothing much was happening in the dream, the area around me shifting from beach dunes to a cityscape, with the two oddly intertwined.

I shrugged and walked towards the thickest impression of mist. Maybe that's where my dream was supposed to take place. As I got closer, I felt something, wrong. Like a heavy pressure trying to dissuade me from moving onward.

Normally I would follow the directions of a dream, but this just seemed so out of place. Was this a horror dream? Usually I could ignore those until they changed into something else, but this one wanted me to leave. I wasn't putting up with bullshit tonight, so I continued forward to confront it.

A house suddenly appeared before me, so I knocked before walking through the open door. "Hello? What's going on and why is everything weird?" I called.

The main room made me stop in my tracks. Before me was my roommate, Ellen, and two people I assumed to be her family.

"Oh. Hi."

I only vaguely recalled her family from the one time they visited during her graduation. Regardless, I waved, hoping they were nice in this dream.

"Sabrina?" Ellen asked as she stood from the comfortable-looking couch, "What are you doing here?"

I couldn't help the relieved smile on my face. My roommate seemed the same as usual. However, the more willowy woman on the couch, whom I recognized as her sister, stood up as well.

The younger sister--what was her name again? Bethany?--immediately turned her back on me. I tensed up. It was one of those dreams, huh? Maybe I should try to get rid of the not-Bethany.

"She's visiting," the young woman stated, clamping a hand down on my roommate's shoulder. "She said she would, how could you forget?"

"Yeah, of course." Ellen smiled, then looked at me. "I'm glad you could make it here. Was the flight okay?"

I felt some information trying to express itself to me, but it kept coming with a suffocating feeling of the mist. I shook it off and hoped I'd interpreted it right. "Of course, I love taking planes, you know that."

"Right. I also know you love the beach. You came just in time. We were just about to go. You up for it?"

"Ellen," her sister interrupted, "Go upstairs and pack up whatever we might need. I want to get to know your... roommate, better."

"Wait, what about you, Bekah?" Ellen questioned. Ah, that was her name! "Shouldn't you get ready?" 

With a smile as charming as a used-car salesman, the blonde said, "Don't worry about me." Her saccharine words got a hesitant nod from Ellen.

"You girls play nice," their father said, ushering my friend away from me.

"Ah, hold on," I called out, "I definitely want to come with you. Specifically, Ellen, you." I gestured to her.

Her smile spread across her face while her arms bobbed up in happy motions.

"Sure, sure," she agreed. "I'll be right back!" With that, she rushed up a set of stairs, her father following sedately after her.

"Whoa, whoa! I said I want to be with you," I insisted, moving after my best friend.

The taller body stepping between us stopped me in my tracks. Her sister had at least six inches on me, damn. Not like something as trivial as height would stop me in a dream. I had control here. I tried to shove Bekah out of the way and get to my roommate, but the towering blonde pushed me back.

"Move!" I demanded. "I don't care who you are to her, I'll obliterate you!"

"Will you?" She cocked a brow at me. "You would certainly try. You have a power here..." Both of our eyes narrowed, mine in suspicion and hers in what seemed like contemplation.

"I will offer you a deal," Bekah said, crossing her arms and lifting her nose in the air, "You may stay here, with your roommate."

"And in exchange, what, I have to deal with you? Absolutely not."

Her lips pulled back from her teeth. "I will suffer no renegades in my territory. Speak nothing to her of what you know, and live a life of peace, unburdened by your troubles. Sleep here, happy, surrounded by your desires. That is my offer."

"No deal," I bit out. "Ellen!"

I stumbled back as Bekah's form began to melt, revealing horns and a tail. A demon? Oh, shit, that's right! I was dreaming about Thedas, so of course there are demons.

I stumbled backwards a few steps, watching the purple creature floating a couple inches above the floor. She sneered. "You should have taken my offer. Now you will perish."

She lunged at me, and I ran out of the way, leaping over the couch. Okay, I had to fight. No big deal. At least, I thought so until I got hit with some of the purple fire around her hand. I screamed as pain flared up my arm.

What the hell? I grabbed my joint and looked to see red dripping from it. I was bleeding? I never got injured in my dreams! Not like this, anyway. I was usually so good at changing my bad dreams to good ones, I never saw any blood or gore. What was this then?

I flinched as she flung herself at me again, only to watch her bounce off a pale, glowing wall. Staff swinging, a man in griffon embroidered armor came charging through the wall. 

"Not today demon!" he shouted.

Dark flames consumed the demon as she screeched and sank into the floor.

Still tense, the man turned to me, eyeing my injury. "Let me heal that."

"...Okay." I walked over to him, sucking in a breath as he laid a hand on me, only to breathe out when the burning feeling around my wound faded. "Thanks." Energy like warmth bath water rippled from his hand, and the pain ebbed completely.

He gave me the sweetest smile I had seen for a while. "It's not a problem. Are you trapped here too?"

"Trapped here?" I questioned, "Like, in this dream with heavy fog? I don't think so." I wrinkled my nose. "You actually feel... off as well. Like, you're covered in it."

The mage looked down and waved his hands about as though trying to dispel a cloud of insects. "It does feel rather sticky in here, doesn't it? Like honey."

My eyes brightened. "So you noticed it too!"

"Of course," he said, "I'm glad you did. Only one other person has noticed the trouble we're in, and-" His eyes widened. "Are you... a mage? From the tower?"

I blinked rapidly. "Um, yes and no. I am a mage, apparently," I grumbled while rolling my eyes, "But I'm not from any tower or whatever."

Again with people thinking I was from a mage tower. ...Wait, again? I was forgetting something. Regardless, the man's shoulders drooped.

"That's odd. Then I don't suppose you've seen any other people here? Who aren't demons?"

"I'm pretty sure my roommate isn't a demon?" I pondered aloud, "She had that same... cloud around her. But thicker than yours." I let out a long breath and slumped. "So weird... Why do you ask?"

Before he could answer me, a screech echoed through the room, heralding the desire demon that popped back up where she had left, three rage demons with her. I immediately tensed at their arrival, watching their lava-like bodies sway as they decided on a target.

The desire demon herself molded back into the form of Bekah, making a break for the staircase Ellen and her father had disappeared on.

Beside me, the mage sprung into action, flinging a spell of pure energy to try and distract her, and managing to catch one rage demon in the side. His response, however, left two of the rage demons looking at me. They both moved forward, splitting up as they tried to surround me.

I quickly backed up towards a large window, pressure from the air bearing down even harder now. The man turned to see my predicament and let the fake Bekah leave as he ran towards me, swiping at the third rage demon in his way.

"Ellen," I heard the desire demon snarl, "Go back to Dad."

A brief glance told me my roommate was back, watching the scene with confusion and concern in her dark eyes, the fake Bekah blocking the entrance from the stairs.

"Ellen?" I heard the man gasp out, still dodging attacks from the rage demon attacking him and responding with ice. "No! Ellen don't. Don't listen to that demon!"

I kept inching back as the other two fiery demons closed in on me. All I thought was that maybe I could change the dream. "Ellen!" I called, "This is a dream. I-! I think it's centered on you!"

Both demons growled at me and began moving forward in earnest just as the mage finished with the other demon. Even so, I knew he couldn't reach me in time. My back hit the glass, and I inhaled sharply, desperately imagining myself in a different place, begging to wake up.

Suddenly, an unfamiliar voice shouted, "Move!"

Just as the lava creatures would have attacked me, I felt two strong hands grab me from behind before flinging me out the window.

As I twisted around and looked back up, time seemed to slow. Both of the rage demons that had been after me were breaking through thick layers of ice. The mage was swinging his glowing staff at a thick shadow that had taken my place, causing it to dissipate. And I saw the mage try to yell something at me just as I hit the fake ocean below.

I woke with a startled gasp, feeling my body jerk as it tried to catch itself from a fall which never happened. Hands shaking, I wiped sea water from the side of my face. I wasn't sure what my dream meant, but it sure messed with my heart rate.

I took in the forms still sleeping around me, making sure everyone in our group was accounted for. Yep, Good. Calenhad lifted his head and tilted it at me in question.

"It's nothing," I whispered, leaning over Marian to scratch at his shoulder. "Let's both get some sleep."

He licked my hand before settling back down next to his partner. I tried to do the same, ignoring the rocking of the ship and the wind outside.

If my dream was important, I'd remember it tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Soooo... It hasn't been a year, yet. Aha. I won't bore you with my life details, but I'm in a better place now, and I COMPLETED NaNoWriMo. Editing may take time, but at least I have the material written for a few chapters.
> 
> I could complain about all the research I did, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. So I hope all of you get the same happiness reading it as I do writing it! (Just, you know, with less life crises in the middle.)


	4. Reaching Kirkwall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabrina realizes it may be easier to deal with storms than Kirkwall itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own myself, and I control this specific plot, but Dragon Age is owned by Bioware.

Ships were something I could have gotten used to. Stormy seas while riding in a ship, were not. Every toss of the waves sent my heart into my throat, my spine stiffened, and I was sure I hadn't blinked in hours.

"Are you alright?"

I jerked my head down.

"Are you certain?"

A fierce crack of thunder mixed with water leaking into the hold made me shake my head, gripping the arm I had claimed tighter. Another hand patted my head.

"Be strong. It isn't a bad storm yet."

Now I definitely wasn't closing my eyes. If I was gonna die, I was determined to see what killed me. The hand on my head moved to my shoulder, and I felt a sigh in the chest I leaned against.

"I'll admit, I'm not used to traveling this way, either. It's... troubling to have so little control."

Turning my head, I looked up at the redheaded woman I was clinging to. "No kidding."

Considering the way my voice was straining to reach a higher pitch, I was sure her smile was pitying. Honestly, I was okay with that. The storm was really shaking me up. I knew I was a good swimmer, but the waves with their push and pull would tire me out too quickly. I wouldn't make it to the surface every time.

A whine broke me out of my thoughts. Apparently, I wasn't the only one having a hard time in the storm. All of the Hawkes were clustered together, though still next to us. Both Hawke and Carver held Calenhad, to keep the hound calm.

Carver himself was looking green, though Mama Hawke was rubbing his back in an attempt to sooth him. Bethany kept watch over everyone, even glancing at Aveline and I.

"So, you haven't traveled much by sea, either?" Aveline continued to rub my shoulder as she asked questions.

"N-no. Just over land." I didn't mention flying, for obvious reasons. "But, I mean, I've been in boats just, smaller. And not on the actual ocean."

"Ah, it's the same for me. Have you been on Lake Calenhad then?" The dog perked up at the mention of his name, but went back to shaking at a clap of thunder.

"Er, not much," I whispered, "I've been to a smaller water reservoir a few times. My cousins have a spot they keep there."

"Really?" She looked interested now, not just trying to distract me. "What is it called?"

"I'm not sure?" I compulsively grabbed her tighter at the next wave. This was the worst. There were just too many secrets to keep.

The storm didn't let up until nightfall, where we were able to catch a few hours of sleep. Come morning, I was stretching my legs on deck, knowing I only had a limited time, but glad to see the sky. Well, until I noticed the tense atmosphere between the sailors. I looked up. An amaranth red sun just crested the horizon, but I could see clouds covering much of the sky. Leftovers from the storm? Or... The captain himself came around, making sure he had my attention, as well as that of a few other people on deck.

"Finish up and get below stern," he commanded, "This storm ain't done with us yet."

As I made my way back, I heard several sailors discussing all the bad luck we, the refugees, were causing. Did they really think the presence of female humans would sway the weather? I rolled my eyes.

Down in the hold, everyone whispered nervously to each other. I found my position next to Aveline again.

"Storm is starting back up soon."

She frowned. "This is odd. It isn't the season for this kind of weather. That time should have passed already. Not to mention we've only just made it to the Storm Coast. It's odd to have so much on the fringes."

"Is it?" I questioned, listening intently.

"Hm, yes. I'm no expert, but I've heard enough talk in that area to know the patterns. It usually starts just before August and continues until Firstfall."

Well now, I recognized August, but what was that other phrase? First fall? Like, the when the leaves first started coming off the trees? Something to find out. ...Somehow. Eventually.

"So, this isn't the right time?"

"It's already the new year, so they should have stopped or slowed down long ago." She sighed. "I hope Denerim is alright."

"Ah. Me too."

It was the new year? What day was it? Back on Earth it was March, so why was the timing so different here?

Aveline turned to me, her face lighting up. "That's right, you have family in Denerim, don't you?"

Were the Hawkes lying for me? My thumbs wove circles around each other as I watched. "Erm, yeah. My, my roommate." I didn't look up at her until she put a hand on my shoulder.

"Not to worry," she assured me, "You know better than I how strong the people of that city are. Even with the... political issues they have to deal with, the nobility wouldn't let anything befall the capital."

I tried to smile at her. Might as well, since she was trying to make me feel better. 

"Yeah. Thanks, Aveline."

"Don't mention it."

I fidgeted. "What about you? I mean, do you have family-? You don't have to answer if like- don't worry about it." I finished with a flush crawling up my neck onto my face.

I saw some pain in her eyes, but she still managed a genuine smile. "Don't apologize for being curious. It isn't a bother." She stopped and looked off to the side for a moment. "I can't recall any more family I might have. My parents have both passed on, and I didn't have any siblings. If my father had more family, he never mentioned them." She shrugged. "Wesley was the only family I had left."

I felt my eyes moisten. Her voice was low, and she continued to look away. I built up the courage, somehow managing to speak past the constriction in my chest.

"You know," I started, clearing my throat, "I'm- uh, the Hawkes seem to have, taken us in? Per say?" I fidgeted and my voice became more hesitant as I went on. C'mon Sabrina, show some courage! "So uh, I guess you're not without a family anymore!" I finished, too chipper.

Her eyes widened, honing in on mine before she closed them, a smile on her face again. "I... suppose you're right. Thank you, Sabrina."

"No problem," I whispered.

After a couple minutes of silence and watching my feet wobble back and forth, I spoke again. "I have something to tell you."

"What is it?" She turned from watching a nearby family to see me.

I opened my mouth, but only managed to let out a small, high pitched noise. I tried again and managed, "I'm not from Denerim." I had to look back at my feet to continue. "I told Marian and Carver, or, I mean, Marian knew because she and Ma- Leandra heard me in, uh, Gwaren-" I stopped rambling when my stomach gave a lurch as big as the next wave that hit the ship.

"You... aren't from Denerim?" The words sounded accusatory in my ears. "Why would you say that then?"

I shuffled, her presence feeling suffocating, like there was a weight in my chest. "I don't know..." Her silence was the only answer I got, and I knew I couldn't leave things that way.

"I'm sorry." It didn't seem adequate. "I was traveling when, I don't know what happened, but I ended up lost, and somehow in Ferelden, which I wasn't before." I took a deep breath to keep from rambling again. She didn't need excuses either.

I finally managed to lift my eyes to look at her mouth, at least. She held it flat.

"I didn't know, what you would think of me, all of you. But I... should have just told you. I'm sorry. I know it's not, a good excuse." I swallowed.

"Thank you." I looked up to see her eyes, softer than I expected. "I appreciate your honesty."

I just smiled and nodded.

"So, where are you from?"

I laughed nervously. "You know, Hawke offered to buy me a map so I can figure out how to get back."

"Did she?" A grin tugged at her lips as she played along.

"Hm. Hasn't said how big it will be though." A particularly large wave sent me crashing into her, and I grabbed at her arm again. She chuckled. 

"Seems the Captain was right." Her lips parted, but she paused, her gaze moving as though she was recalling a memory. "You... didn't come through the Fade, did you?"

My breathing hitched. "The Fade? Why...?"

"It may be nothing, but the very day of Ostagar's fall, there was a rumor running rampant around the camp." Her mouth pulled down as she considered me. "Supposedly, thanks to the Circle mages, some sort of demon had come through the Fade. Now, I don't believe most of the gossip that was going around about it, however..."

"I'm not a demon!" I insisted, my wide eyes staring directly into hers.

"I wasn't suggesting that. I'm sorry if that's how it came out. Considering the circumstances though, you aren't from Ferelden, you were 'traveling' before somehow 'ending up' here, your abilities that just now manifested, and there are some other things that don't add up." She paused while a wave hit the ship. I was glad she wasn't moving away from me, but I was also terrified where this was going.

Eventually Aveline continued, "Did you come from the Fade?"

I opened my mouth to rebuke her, but only found small sounds of protest. What if I had come through the Fade? How did the magical realm even work? If I didn't know how I got here, then betting on a malleable, mythic dimension was the most logical option.

Still, since I couldn't find any evidence, I said, "I don't know."

Her eyes hardened. "We will continue this discussion later. But... if Hawke trusts you, and you aren't lying, I see no reason why you can't keep that information to yourself, for now."

I nodded meekly.

The storm came back around lunch time, battering the ship with more rain, winds howling across the hatches. Unfortunately, this time, it did not let up with the setting sun. The rains continued long into the night and through to the next day. Everyone slept fitfully, and the others we were traveling with began wondering if we would still make it to our destination.

The ship itself had to be bailed of water a few times, a task the passengers helped with, while the sailors kept the craft on course, navigating the rough winds and waves.

We all began taking shifts for sleeping; our days filled with worry. One thing which never changed was Bethany's determination to teach me. Despite the storm, the mage was determined to get my 'aura,' as she called it, suitably calm and collected. I protested the storm would interfere with training, but she insisted that harsh situations were important to recognize.

"It won't always be calm around you," she explained, "Sometimes you'll be in stressful positions like this, or even in battles, like the ones we had with the darkspawn." She lowered her voice to continue.

"Those are times where keeping your... abilities," she whispered, "In check is even more important. So," she continued at normal volume, "You will still hear the rain, and feel the thunder rumble, but focus on your breathing. Understand and accept the way that nature is around you."

And so it went. Fortunately, with the storms going on and off for days, I did get much better at meditating. The loud noises and shifting motions became normal for me, or at least I was able to experience each situation without feeling too strongly about it.

There were a couple close calls though. During a particularly vicious thunderstorm, with the highest waves we'd seen yet, I lost control. Frightened sounds filled the hold, from within our party and other refugees. A couple of the children who had managed to come aboard were crying.

Rumbling cracks of thunder which shook the whole ship were always accompanied by lightning, and I was worried a bolt might hit the ship as we crested a wave. Water poured in through the hatch from the deck, keeping everyone perpetually wet.

The clamour from above was hard to hear over the howling of the wind, but it sounded like anxious yelling punctuated with colorful curses.

When one clap of thunder scared a child to the point of screaming, I felt my own heart jump; A rush of energy poured through my limbs and left them feeling tingly.

"Ow!" I heard Aveline exclaim next to me. 

She jerked her arm out of my grip.

I turned to see her rubbing the area I had been holding, the shirt and bicep looking, burned? Oh my god, was that me? I sucked a breath in between my teeth, looking around to make sure everyone else was preoccupied with the storm.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered to her, still trying to be heard over the storm. "Was that me-? God, Aveline, I'm so sorry, are you okay?"

Our behavior must have caught our party's attention, Bethany looking at us from where she, her mother, and their dog huddled.

"Sabrina, what happened?"

Her question caught Marian's attention, and she looked over from where she was comforting Carver, to his mortification.

"It's, I think I hurt Aveline," I said, trying to stay discreet.

Bethany's eyes widened, and after extricating herself from her group, she carefully scooted over to us. "Show me," she demanded.

Aveline sent us a smile, "It looks worse than it feels."

Bethany scoffed. "Hold your arm out." She took a glimpse and scooted between the redhead warrior and the other people in the boat. "Sabrina, move here." She tapped the floor. "Face us and pay attention. I'm going to attempt to heal your arm," she started talking to Aveline, "Try not to move, I'll have to try to time this with the lightning..."

I watched as Bethany would wait for a long strike to light up the sky before bringing a glow to her hands. Each time she did, more of the burn would scab over and lighten.

I watched in fascination.

"Notice how I send the energy through my finger tips," Bethany murmured, "Since that's where the softest skin is besides the back of my hands. I also have better control when I make direct contact, or stay as close as possible. You'll have to be able to sense their energy and supplement it to promote healing..."

And so it went until Aveline's arm looked almost perfect.

"Give it time. It will be less sensitive tomorrow, but come to me if it isn't."

"Thank you," Aveline said, staring at her arm and brushing her other hand over the area, eyes flickering as if expecting it to reappear. "I hope I won't have to."

"I hope the same." Bethany turned to me. "If you want to keep holding on to her, sit on her other side."

My face heated up, a feat when covered in chilly sea water. I managed a squeak of assurance, so Bethany moved back to her mother and family hound.

I was ready to sit all on my own, but a rough list to the side and Aveline's kind smile had me scurrying around, sitting and grabbing her other arm.

"Thanks," I said, voice husky, "And sorry."

She shook her head. "I've had worse. I'm surprised you've lasted so long without any other... slip ups."

I shrugged. "I don't know if I should have had more. Are they common?"

"The way the chantry talks about it, you would think the new mages walk around with their knickers on fire."

I laughed roughly. A presence settled on my other side, and I turned to see Bethany settling next to me. She flashed me a smile.

"I'm here to make sure you put those meditation exercises to good use."

Mama Hawke and Calenhad settled in near her, creating a semicircle. The older woman smiled as well. "We're here for moral support."

The big hound whimpered at the next stroke of lightning, shivering and huddling down on the floor, ears back on his skull.

"The big guy can take down a darkspawn, but the sky makes a loud sound and he's all chicken." I turned to see Marian manhandle her brother onto Aveline's other side, completing our lopsided circle.

Bethany giggled. "Are you talking about Carver or Calenhad?"

Another laugh slipped from me, arms shaking from my hold as Carver's scathing reply was lost to the wind.

0-o-0

We stopped near Amaranthine's port city for supplies after a particularly vicious thunderstorm before heading off on our final stretch to Kirkwall. During this time we got clear skies for a couple days straight, a practical miracle after all the storms.

Everyone had been worried, especially after hearing tales in every port we had stopped at; many ships had taken off and not come back. Aveline and Marian heard the gossip first, since the clear weather meant the captain felt confident in putting them to work. Apparently, Ferelden locals were feeling particularly superstitious after the death of their king, many wondering if the storms were an omen of bad luck, or the Maker not approving of the newly appointed Regent Loghain in control of the country.

Regardless, the sun put me in a much better mood than I'd had previously. I wandered on the upper deck, humming to myself as I took in the sea. I smiled as I noticed Mama Hawke walking up to me.

"What were you singing just now?" she asked.

"Ah, just an old song from a... story I know."

"A story with songs?"

I nodded and rubbed at my neck. "A few, but I don't remember all of them." 

"Still, that's wonderful," she enthused, "You don't hear many of those in Loth- out in the countryside. Would you sing it for me, dear?"

I hesitated, but she looked so excited, and I really was in the mood to sing. Ignoring the heat in my face, I looked towards the ocean spray. I decided to just start where I had left off.

"Hush now, my baby; Be still love, don't cry. Sleep as you're rocked by the stream..." The mournful melody fell from my lips. I had always loved this tune. It was full of such heartbreak and longing, two things I'd become intimately familiar with in the almost two weeks since I'd fallen here. It also brought up strong memories of watching the Prince of Egypt with my family. I skipped over the instrumental part of the song to finish up with the sister's verse.

When I finished I hesitantly glanced at Leandra out of the corner of my eye. The older woman had her hands together, eyes lit up.

"Oh, Sabrina, that was wonderful. I haven't heard that song before."

"Thanks," I said, cheeks still hot. "I like singing."

"I can tell. Are you training to be a bard? How long have you been doing it?"

I shook my head desperately. "No, no, nothing like that. I just have an appreciation for music. But for singing, I've been doing it since, well, I guess since I was a child. I would always sing along with the songs at mass-" I stopped abruptly. No, they have a different religion! Do they even call a meeting a mass?

Mama Hawke didn't look confused though. She simply nodded. "Yes, those hymns can be truly beautiful, can't they?"

"Yeah. Hey uh," I paused when I realized I didn't know what to call her. Never in my life had I ever called older people by their first names, but I plowed on.

"Mrs. Hawke, how is Carver doing?"

She blinked. "Oh, you're so sweet. Really, just Leandra is fine." 

"Okay, uh yes, got it." Nope, too awkward. I wondered how long I could go without calling her by any name.

"Carver is doing well, thank you." She got a gleam in her eye. "Although, he was talking about you not a day ago."

"Oh. He was."

"Yes. Something about being impressed with your ability to ignore 'that damned thunder.'" She chuckled, and I did the same, finding her impression too odd.

"Well, that doesn't really sound like him at all. Er, sorry. He's just uh," I floundered for a word, "Stubborn?"

"He is that." I was relieved she didn't seem offended. The older woman must be used to her son's brash attitude. "I don't think he would ever tell you personally, so I thought I should. I also think you're doing well."

"Thanks, I guess. I've been working hard at it."

"I know, dear." She placed a gentle hand on my upper arm. "I'm glad my Bethany has been able to help you. And if I'm being honest, I think this has been good for her as well." When I tilted my head, she continued. "She learned from her father, my late husband, Malcolm. But she was the only... one in the family, once he passed." We both glanced around cautiously, but no one paid us any attention. Even the sailors seemed preoccupied with adjusting the sails.

"I think teaching you has been, exciting for her," Leandra continued, "She never had to opportunity to speak of her skills to another that might understand, much less to attempt to teach." She smiled. "I'm grateful she has such a fine student as you."

Ugh, these people made me more embarrassed than anyone in my life! My arm grew hot under her hand and I cast my eyes over the horizon. After a deep breath I was able to look at her face.

"Well, I guess I'm just glad to have her as my teacher. I- I don't know what I would have done without her."

Leandra squeezed my arm in understanding. In an attempt to dispel my awkward air, I asked, "Do you think the pigeon you sent will make it there before us?"

The letter she had sent with some of our extra money required a concise message on a small parchment. The small leather tube the bird had carried it in only allowed for the basic information.

"Certainly," the older woman said, "It should have arrived by now, barring any unforeseen trouble. Messenger pigeons usually travel over land, so I don't think it would have run into these storms."

"What about when it had to cross the sea?"

"Oh, the message would have been taken by ship then." I decided not to mention all the ships which had likely sunk during such a trip.

When one of the sailors told us to move, we headed back down to the cargo hold, letting a few others take our place on deck.

Everyone's spirits seemed to lift as we got closer to Kirkwall. The morning before we arrived, the sailors broke out into song, apparently confident that we were in the clear.

It became obvious to me sea shanties were catchy for good reason. I easily picked up on the chorus of their current tune and sang along as I peered at the upper deck from the grate near the mast.

"Whey, hey, and up she rises; Whey, hey, and up she rises; Whey, hey, and up she rises, early in the morning!"

Aveline shook her head at me, while the female Hawkes seemed to find my enthusiasm amusing. Carver looked like he wanted to sing along, but was holding back for some reason. Because of this, I decided to sing almost obnoxiously loud while staying as close to him as possible.

"Throw him in the long boat, 'til he's sober; throw him in the long boat, 'til he's sober-"

Either he'd notice my plan and try to physically stop me, or he'd lose that stick up his butt and sing along. I wasn't betting on the latter, but I couldn't help myself, his expression as he screwed his mouth shut to avoid singing was hilarious.

Come midday, the gates of Kirkwall appeared in the distance.

The atmosphere became simultaneously calmer and more tense. The families travelling with us were exhausted and ready to land. The sailors, however, muttered amongst each other, realizing something was wrong. As the gates loomed closer, we got a better look at 'The Twins,' two large, golden statues of men facing each other, leaning forward and hiding their faces in pain. Further in were several smaller versions, all facing towards the ship. The hold was unusually quiet as we sailed past them, even the sailors' jovial mood was gone, replaced with orders for bringing the ship in to dock. Odd birds cawed from the rock formations, looking like no gulls I had seen before, their thick beaks and black coloring reminding me more of a crow and puffin cross.

When the call came for everyone to come out on deck, we noticed the problem. Many ships were docked there, most of them teeming with refugees. The captain himself seemed to be in a heated debate with a member of the guard. I didn't catch much of it, but it seemed to be about whether or not we could dismount and come into the city. Aveline and the Hawkes caught on as well, and as none of the passengers seemed eager to stick around, we all disembarked.

"There are so many people," Bethany stated in awe.

"Are we really surprised? Everyone here was leaving Ferelden to flee the Blight," Carver stated.

As we made our way closer to the city, I caught the sour expression tugging at Aveline's face; Her eyes focused on the guards near the entrance to the city. Marian was eyeing the same large crowd the guards were keeping back. "Doesn't look like they're letting anyone in." She gestured towards it.

"What?" Leandra stopped to look at her oldest. "That can't be!"

"It's true," Aveline affirmed, "Look at them all."

"But where would they go?" Bethany asked, expression dropping, "They're Fereldens, just like us. I don't think anyone here can afford to go back."

I shook my head. "Who would want to? It's going to be overrun with darkspawn."

"And they would throw us all back to the wolves," Aveline said, crossing her arms, "Unbelievable."

"I'm only surprised they let us dock," Marian said. At a reproving look from her mother, she amended, "Well, so long as we're all safe, that's more important. Mother, you said we have an estate?"

"Yes," Leandra said, "We should try to contact my brother, Gamlen. Our family has always been highly regarded in Kirkwall. He'll be able to get us in, I'm sure of it."

Carver was the one to jump in then. "And how do we do that? Those guards won't let anyone near the gates to the city."

"Leave that to your big sis." Marian grinned. "Can't have my precious baby siblings sleep outside the city, now can I?" Carver scowled and slapped her hand when she reached to pinch his cheek. Marian just laughed and strolled towards the crowd, the rest of us biting back snickers as we followed.

"Mother did send a letter," Bethany tried to assure her twin, "Let's just hope he's received it."

One of the guards in the crowd had his helmet off, probably to help the growing mass of people hear him better. Aveline noticed the same.

"The guards seem to be reporting to that man. Perhaps we should speak to him."

Marian nodded in agreement and pushed her way through people to the front. The light haired guard noticed and turned to address our group.

"Get back to the crowd, you lot. Trying to bully your way through won't get you into Kirkwall any faster."

"But you do intend to let us in?" Aveline questioned.

The man gave a humorless laugh. "We have enough poor of our own in the Free Marches! We don't need you refugees piling up here like a middens heap."

I was temporarily distracted by the thought of what a middens heap was. I considered questioning Bethany, but Hawke took up the reigns of the conversation.

"Is that why we aren't being allowed into the city? Because we're refugees?"

The man's forehead wrinkled as his brows drew down. "What, like any of you lot have something to bring to the city? If it were up to me," he ground out, "I'd close the gates and let you all find somewhere else to beg."

I noticed both Bethany and Carver tense at this, looking ready to interrupt him. However, the guard took a breath before speaking again.

"But, it's not. Some of you might have legitimate business in the city. So, Knight-Commander Meredith wants us to sort you all out." He made a sweeping motion at the undulating mass of distraught people. "Most of you are getting right back on your ships, though."

"Knight-Commander?" Hawke questioned. "That's a templar title. Why would a city guardsmen answer to the templars?"

"We don't answer to her, but she's the power in Kirkwall."

Bethany was clenching her hands, so I shifted my weight and gently bumped our hips together. When I got her attention I smiled, hoping to lessen her fear. No need to worry about Meredith... yet.

"There must be someone in charge that I could speak with," Hawke insisted, "We have family here."

The guard heaved a sigh. "Yes, yes, always the same story. Look, I'm just here to keep you refuse from climbing the walls." He turned to gesture behind himself. "If you want to speak to someone about getting in, talk to Captain Ewald. I don't expect there's much he can do for you though."

"Well, if he's half as helpful as you are, I suspect we could get assistance in just under an age." I slapped my hand over my mouth to keep from bursting into laughter. The guard narrowed his eyes.

"Just go. Don't make me regret this."

With one issue settled, we slowly made our way through the maze of corridors which would take us to the main city gates. The halls were incredibly packed; We had to navigate through temporary shelters, sleeping bodies, and piles of personal belongings. All around were despondent faces, and I wondered how long they had been waiting outside the city. I hoped Gamlen was swift, otherwise we'd have to sleep out here too, and the stone didn't look inviting.

After managing to find a dead end, we asked directions from a nearby guard. He told us how to reach Captain Ewald before warning us against making trouble.

"We've already got problems with another group of you Ferelden deserters," he said, eyeing our warriors, "So don't think you can stir up trouble. There's no place to hold you here, so you either keep quiet, or you're going straight back out to sea. Without a boat."

Hawke paused before asking another question. "I heard someone call this fortress 'The Gallows.' Is it a prison?"

"Used to be, back in the Tevinter Imperium," the guard said, "That was before the slave rebellion. Now the Templars use it to lock up the mages." He scoffed. "I guess not much has changed."

With that bit of paranoia now settled in our minds, we thanked him--reluctantly--and walked away. 

I heaved a deep sigh. "Templars are so fun," I muttered with no enthusiasm.

I sensed eyes on me, so I turned and met Bethany's gaze. The younger woman looked contemplative, so I set a hand on her shoulder. The corners of her mouth twitched up before she turned to Aveline.

"Aveline," she started, making sure to have the warrior's attention, "Was Wesley based out of the Lothering chantry? I don't remember seeing him there."

There was a flash of pain in her eyes, but she answered. "He served elsewhere. He was coming to find me at Ostagar."

Bethany nodded. I remembered that little detail too. Aveline seemed to think of something, her brows drawing together.

"Were you familiar with every templar in Lothering?"

Bethany glanced around before lowering her voice. "How else was I supposed to know when to run and hide?"

I saw her family tense at those words, but no one commented.

A few turns later, we saw the actual city gates come into sight. A large staircase and decorative railings like spears led up to it, and statues lined the courtyard.

A man in decorated armor stood near the stairs, warding off questions from a small group of warriors. I recognized him as Captain Ewald, the man we were looking for.

"Let us through you flaming blighter! We're not staying in this pit!" The leader of the warrior band thrust his finger forward at the Guard Captain, causing his eyebrows to lower.

"Then I suggest you get back on your ship and leave," he responded, voice rumbling, "Kirkwall has no more room for refugees." 

"The ship is already gone!" another man with stringy hair insisted, "We paid good coin to get here."

"You and half of Ferelden," Captain Ewald said, now emphasizing the dilemma, "There's nothing I can do. The city is full!"

Hawke walked straight up to the Captain and spoke before we could even introduce ourselves.

"You wouldn't be out here if nobody could enter."

"That's right!" The leader of the warriors looked pleased to have someone on his side. "We've seen you let lots of people through."

"Citizens and merchants that make it worth our while," the captain explained slowly. He turned to Hawke next. "I assume that you don't have anymore coin than these gentlemen?"

"Not exactly," Hawke started, "But-"

"We've been letting you Fereldens in for months. You're too late. There's no more room!"

"But we've got family here," Carver said.

"I've heard claims like that too many times to count. Trust me." The Guard Captain sighed. "We'll find some ships to take you all back to Ferelden--eventually. Until then, you stay here." 

"Our Uncle is Gamlen Amell," Hawke said, "He knows we're coming. If you find him, then you might just have a few less refugees bothering you."

"Gamlen," Captain Ewald said, sounding surprised, "I know that name..."

"He's a nobleman, here in the city," Carver jumped in.

Bethany nodded. "Our family has an estate."

"A nobleman?" The captain shook his head. "The only Gamlen I know is a weasel, who couldn't rub two coppers together."

"That can't be right..." I heard Mama Hawke whisper under her breath.

"If he comes back, I'll bring you to him. But I don't have time to-"

"What?" The lead warrior, left forgotten to the side spoke up indignantly, "You gonna let them through?"

"Now I didn't say anything about-"

"We've been here for five days!" One of the other warriors lamented, "They just got here!"

"That's it!" their leader declared, reaching for his sword, "We're carving our way out of here. Men!"

My eyes blew wide open as everyone drew weapons. Oh shit. I felt a hand grab my arm and pull me backwards. I stumbled along, already feeling as though there was not enough air in my lungs. I looked away from the battle to see who had me and saw Carver leading his mother and myself away.

We stopped further away, near what I recognized as and I watched as our companions battled alongside several guards to take out the rouge warriors. Hm, now that I thought about it, they were probably mercenaries.

I watched as several archers appeared from outside the courtyard. I almost shouted a warning, but the guards in the area beat me to it. Nearly everyone with shields, Aveline included, moved to take on the archers. This left the group of enemy warriors at a slight advantage, though Hawke made sure they wouldn't have it for long.

She was attempting to take on two at once, mostly on the defensive as the mercenaries shoved her swings away with their shields.

Bethany was on the edge of the main battle, dancing around and hitting enemy weak points with the end of her staff, though she was obviously limited without being able to use magic. Calenhad was busy scaring the shit out of the leader, growling and lunging while the man backed away, only trying to swing every so often. The Guard Captain took on another warrior with a mace, giving the deserter a hard time with some skillful swordplay.

Leandra made a soft sound and I looked over to see her with her hands near her mouth. She was obviously worried about her children. On my other side, Carver was tense, eyes narrowed but flicking back and forth as he watched all side of the fight. His grip tightened, and I flinched, realizing he was still holding my arm. 

"Ouch, Carver..." He looked to me and let go.

"Sorry." He looked back at the battle, breathing noticeably heavier.

With most of the archers dead, Aveline made her way closer to Hawke, putting one of the rogues on the defensive as she pushed him back and slashed at his midsection.

I hesitated. Carver was Hawke's younger brother, right? I wondered about my own. What if I was the one in danger? Carver must be worried about his older sibling. Actually, why wasn't he fighting?

I nearly thunked my own head as I remembered. Of course. No one picked up his sword from the darkspawn battle. We were all too worried about survival, his and our own. We just ran as soon as we knew he'd live. I hadn't thought about his missing weapon all this time.

I sighed. He didn't seem like the kind of person who needed comfort, but... I reached out my own hand to brush against his fist. His eyes flashed to me and he pulled away. So did I. I couldn't summon a smile, but I looked directly at him.

"It's just as few warriors. I mean, I think they'll be okay."

"That isn't-" He huffed, crossing his arms. "I should be out there."

I just nodded at him. "I- I know. I know you would be, if you could." I saw his defenses rising even before I finished, so I hastened to continue. "I mean, we can get you a new weapon, and then, I know you want to fight, to help, and I'm sure you can, I mean, I've seen it, you and Hawke..." I sputtered and trailed off. He wasn't even looking at me anymore.

The battle ended soon after, and we slowly made our way back to the group of our comrades, the guards moving to clean up the bodies.

The Captain gave his men a few quick orders as he approached us. "Unbelievable," he finished, shaking his head, "Thank you for your help." Marian Hawke shrugged.

"Well, it was the most exciting thing that's happened since the storm nearly killed us. Couldn't pass up the opportunity."

"Not the time sister," Carver chided, standing beside her.

She likely would have responded had we not heard a heaving sound come from behind us. We all turned to see the guard from the docks running up to us, panting. "Captain!"

"You're too late," the captain admonished.

Gulping in air, the guard asked, "Are you alright?"

"I am, no thanks to you. Where is everyone?" demanded Captain Ewald, "Go get them. I want this kept under control!"

As his subordinate sprinted away, his posture softened. "Look, I can't get you into the city," he said, eyes on Hawke, "It's not my decision. But. I'll find your Uncle, and bring him here."

The Guard Captain then turned and walked away, shouting orders at the guards who had just appeared from beyond the courtyard.

"That went well," Aveline muttered.

"Gamlen will come for us. It shouldn't be too long." Mama Hawke's overly hopeful voice put pressure in my skull. I rubbed at the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger to try and dispel it.

Wait, it wasn't that kind of pressure. My whole body was shaking now as I held back what was sure to be a meltdown. I closed my eyes even as I looked away from the band of warriors... the people, covered in blood, some even still spilling it.

I jerked as I felt bile in my mouth, but managed to swallow it back down. Hot tears stung my eyes before spilling, carving biting paths down my cheeks in the cold ocean breeze.

"Oh, Sabrina..." I heard. Arms wrapped themselves around me, and I turned into the embrace, recognizing the vague scent of earthen rocks and rain. Mama Hawke then. God, she smelled so similar to my oldest Aunt. I wondered if the Hawke family home had been like my cousins'.

I continued to conjure up images of my family in an attempt to reassure myself and block the images of those men falling.

"Well, until then, I guess we should set up somewhere." Marian sounded awkward, like she wasn't sure how to help. I quited my sobs and pulled away, wiping at my face while taking deep breaths. I nodded to Mama Hawke to let her know I was okay.

Our little group began moving again, following Marian and Aveline as they cast about in search of a good spot. Mama Hawke kept throwing me worried looks, but I smiled to assure her, and gradually slowed down to the back of the group. I desperately cast my mind to other things. I couldn't remember how long it took the old man, their uncle, to find us. Maybe it was only a couple hours.

I tried to remember what happened during that conversation, and did manage to think of several lines of dialogue shared between the old Amell siblings. Most of them were just a revealing Gamlen was now dirt poor, and also an asshole. I got the feeling the latter personality trait wasn't a recent development.

Though I tried hard, I couldn't seem to recall much more of what would happen before that point. I was shaken out of my fruitless endeavor when there was a small cough to my right. I noticed Carver was lagging behind, with me.

"Aren't you usually, up there?" I gestured towards the front of the pack, where his older sister was. He was competitive, even when it came to where he walked. He only ever took rear guard when instructed to, in order to protect us.

Again I noticed his heavy breathing, which turned into several wet coughs. He held up a hand to stop me when I tried to approach, and soon enough, the coughs subsided. He fixed me with a firm stare.

"You can't freeze up like that when a fight starts."

"Huh?"

"I'll be battling again soon, so don't think you can expect someone to get you out of danger all the time."

Was he admonishing me? I felt my muscles tense, and my stomach gave a sharp jerk. I was grateful to him for protecting me, and I knew he was technically right... Didn't mean he had to be such an ass about it.

"Sorry." I sighed, looking at the ground. 

He didn't say anything more, and soon our group decided on an area just outside the main courtyard. There were few families there, so we would be relatively undisturbed. Most of the guards in the area already knew about what we had done, so we didn't receive much bother from them. 

Once we settled in, Bethany once again had me meditate, keeping her voice down and not relating anything to magic, just in case. Afterwards was different though. She realized the trouble I had barely gotten out of, thanks to Carver, and since we weren't on the run and always sore, she started showing me some simple self-defense moves.

I paid close attention and tried to remember all the tricks for getting out of different grips, and what places were best to incapacitate an attacker. She seemed pleased I was already aware of some of the techniques. I told her my parents had encouraged it, for emergencies.

"Still, the best thing to remember, if you don't have a good way to defend yourself, is to run away." Bethany pinned me with flinty blue eyes. "These exercises are only to prepare you if you have no other choice for your safety."

Since I had no problem with it, I eagerly bobbed my head. Pride wouldn't get in the way of my life, no sir.

We settled in when it became apparent Gamlen wouldn't be coming to see us that day. Our rations were low, but we had enough for the night.

I was both thankful and hateful of the braziers which burned nearby. They did help keep the area slightly warmer, but the light was there every time I shut my eyes. As I finally drifted off, all I could think was how I was right about the ground being too hard.

0-o-0

The next day had me waking up nearly as sore as I was my first night here. Flagstones were not meant for comfort, ow. I stretched out my body, hoping to ease the pain. Light cast over the walls we were in, though the sky still had traces of purples and pinks. I was almost getting used to waking up early.

During my stretch, I looked myself over. The robes were in acceptable condition, considering how stiff they now felt, but lifting the hem revealed that my jeans had not fared so well. They were a longer pair, with flared legs, so they had dragged along the ground during our journey here. Dirt and salt caked the bottoms, the fabric ripped and falling apart, especially nearest my heels.

My athletic shoes weren't faring much better. They had gotten soaked a few times on the ship, and though I had taken them off to dry--each time, reluctantly--the fabric was still crusty, and the soles had plenty of grime caked into the cracks. The bright teal accents were already fading. I sighed. They were a new pair, too.

Then, of course, there was the smell. I sniffed at my hand. Gross, I ate with this thing? No wonder the guards kept wrinkling their noses around here, all the refugees stank to high heaven, including us. Not to mention the blood our party had to clean off with already dirty rags.

I looked up to see Calenhad watching me, head tilted to the side.

"What?" I asked, "You can say you haven't noticed the smell."

He walked up and sniffed at me before backing up, coughing. Well, I knew I asked for that, but even still, I felt my mouth press into a flat line, eyes half-lidded as I glared.

"Thanks. You know, if there was a place to bathe, I would."

The mabari hound barked excitedly before taking off to Marian. Shaking my head, I slowly stood up. Cracks echoed from several joints and I groaned as I stretched them out.

"Getting old, are we?" Marian now stood before me, looking rumpled with her armor off. "That sort of thing can just sneak up on you, if you're not careful."

I sighed, trying to smile back. She coughed awkwardly, running a hand through her short hair.

"So, this loveable rascal," she gestured to Calenhad, "Has told me you require something."

The hound barked, tongue lolling out of his grin as he looked awfully pleased with himself.

"Did he?" My smile grew naturally as I looked at him. "Hmm. Well, I did mention wanting a-" I paused and chuckled, a nervous twitter. "A uh, a bath..."

"Hm, we never did get Carver to stop stinking of fish, did we?" That forced a genuine laugh out of me. "Well, let's see what we can do about that. I can't imagine a lack of water so close to the port."

"I can," I said dryly.

Marian shook her head and walked over to grab a sulking Carver.

"Hey!" he protested, stumbling away from the wall.

"C'mon, brother. Let's find some proper facilities for the women you love so much."

He tugged at the arm wrapped around his neck. "What are you talking about?"

"Surely you don't intend for mother to walk around without a proper place to clean?" Marian said, giving him one tight squeeze before letting go.

Carver quickly stood to his full height, slightly taller than his sister. "Clean?"

"Yes, brother. That thing people do when they don't want to look like they rolled through the horses' grazing pasture."

I saw Calenhad tilt his head in confusion. Hm, he probably thought that was a great way to pass the time. I made a mental note to check him for the smell of feces before giving him hugs.

Carver's scowl grew more pronounced, "I know what cleaning is! But where do you expect us to look?"

"That's where you come in, little brother." Carver practically growled. Whether at his sister's chipper tone or her nicknames, I wasn't sure. 

"You, I, and Sabrina here," she slapped a hand on my back, making me wince, "Are all going to check around this area of our lovely prison. If we split up, we'll be able to search faster."

I saw resignation in the young man's gaze. "What, exactly, are we looking for? Not the sea water at the docks, I'd assume."

"You'd assume correctly! Honestly, I don't know what we'll find, if anything." She sighed, a bitter smile on her face. "Of course, unless the guards suddenly become friendlier to 'refuse,' I don't think asking them will be much help."

The atmosphere was so awkward, I cleared my throat. "So, I guess I can uh, check this way?" I pointed at some random hall that branched off the courtyard where we were camped.

"Take Calenhad with you," Carver insisted.

The dog barked, his butt shaking back and forth as he attempted to wag his stub of a tail. 

"Okay." A thought occurred to me, and a smile spread over my face as I turned to face the young man. "Are you sure you want me spending more time with him? I'm not going to stop sweet talking him."

"Ugh. It's for safety." His nose wrinkled as he watched the hound push his head at me, asking for scratches. For some reason, Carver had been adamant that I not speak to his family hound like a child. His opinion wasn't enough to stop me though, it's just how I was with animals.

"Oh, and here I thought you were thinking of his smell. I could wash him!"

"...I suppose? There's no point though."

Even Marian shook her head. "There's really no point. We've tried. He'll just get dirty again. Immediately." Calenhad barked in affirmation.

I laughed and--after subtly leaning in to check his scent--gave in to the dog's demands, petting his neck. "You sure? He might come back smelling like one of those show dogs from Orlais."

I watched the blood drain from Carver's face. "Please don't."

I couldn't help laughing as I walked away, patting my leg. That had been a shot in the dark. Amusement filled my tone at the idea Orlais might have poodles. "C'mon boy. Let's go find some nice soaps."

Calenhad whined, but trotted alongside me, and I heard Carver groan behind us.

0-o-0

Unfortunately, nobody's search had been particularly fruitful. The best we could come up with was a water pump, which people working in the area would use. We could use it to fill a bucket, but there was absolutely no privacy to be found, so the idea of 'sponging off' died pretty quickly. We did try to clean our exposed skin though, so at least my hands and face didn't feel like bacteria breeding grounds... much.

It was close to lunchtime that we came across out next problem. We were officially out of food. Voyaging across the sea had taken most of our supply, though we had been lucky enough that the Captain had included a small amount in his fair. There was something particularly awful about hardtack and fish, especially in the morning. But that's all that had been available to us.

"I suppose we're not capable of going fishing." I sighed.

"Not really," Bethany replied, "And none of us has the skill for it anyway."

"Fishing in the sea is a lot different to catching something in a river," Carver affirmed.

"You used to fish?" I asked, voice higher in my surprise.

"What? Of course. We weren't always able to catch rabbits and things, you know. And you can't just slaughter your livestock every time you get hungry."

"Makes sense..." I murmured, "I guess I just never imagined you fishing. It's, quiet, right?"

Marian laughed. "It does seem too lazy for you, doesn't it brother?"

"Look, are we going to solve this problem or what?"

Mama Hawke mentioned seeing a merchant's stall tucked away in a corner of the courtyard, so most of our group followed her to the location, Bethany and Calenhad staying behind to make sure no one took our chosen 'camp'.

Upon arriving, we were treated to a scene that made me cringe in sympathy.

A young woman, wearing what were practically rags they were so tattered, was pleading with a well-dressed man behind the table. He swiped his hand over his shaven head, looking disinterested.

"But that was all we had left, everything we have. It's all we brought with us!" the woman cried.

"And I feel for you, serah," he said disingenuously, turning his back. "But that's the best I can do."

"If they would let us into the city, I could get three times that price," the woman said, voice hard, "That was a family heirloom-!"

"Myron."

She looked about ready to argue more, but when one of the merchant's guards stepped forward, hand on his weapon hilt, her shoulders slumped, and she scurried away.

The merchant finally turned around, a satisfied smile on his face as he watched her leave. When Marian stepped forward he said, "Now then, I'm Cavril, the owner of this store, what can I do for you, serah?"

"She didn't seem very happy with that deal you made," Hawke said, gesturing towards where the previous shopper had disappeared, "Surely that trinket was worth more than what you paid her."

"What am I supposed to do? If I had to buy every piece of furniture and bit of scrap that some poor sod declares as a 'precious family treasure' then I'd be out of business. And who would sell to these miserable refugees then?"

"You mean people like us?" Carver said, stepping forward.

At Hawke's raised eyebrow and a once over of our clothing, Cavril quickly backtracked. "Of course, not that there's anything wrong with Fereldens, mind you. It's just that I'm running a business, not a charitable order. I'm sorry." 

"I'm sure you're terribly broken up about it," Aveline said, voice flat.

"So, what can I do for you?" he asked, studiously ignoring the redhead.

Hawke asked, "If you're having such trouble making a profit, why are you here in the fortress? I wouldn't expect many stores in this place."

"There are a multitude of merchants who come here to do business now, who can't afford the bribes to enter the city." He nodded with a self-important look in his eyes. "So, the Templars decided they needed someone who could set up shop, temporarily, and trade to get supplies in and out of the city. I am the lucky man."

"You mean you paid your own bribes to be here," Aveline pointed out.

His smile wavered. "If they allowed everyone to set up shop, this place would become a bazaar. Now, is there anything I can do for you, serah?"

Not wanting to test the patience of the only man with supplies, Marian began bartering with the shopkeeper for food. We had some money to bargain with, thanks to the sovereigns we had leftover from the generous donation in Gwaren. We couldn't show more than one sovereign if we wanted to avoid getting mugged, but that amount was sufficient to get us food for three days and still have silvers left over.

Mama Hawke was of the mind we wouldn't need nearly so much, since Gamlen would surely come for us that day, but our warriors were adamant on "just in case." 

Personally, I was of the mind we steal the profits Cavril-the-asshole had made right from under his nose. At least, I was until I realized no one in our party had the ability to pick locks. Dammit, where was a rogue when you needed one?

We returned to our camp and ate a lunch of dried fish and cheese, and I found myself longing for anything to wash it down. I suggested going to get water to drink from the pump, but everyone looked at me like I was crazy.

"We don't know where that comes from," Mama Hawke explained, "It may not be safe for drinking."

"You want to catch nervous fever?" Carver asked, arms folded across his chest.

I paled, shaking my head. "No, no. But, what else can we drink? We can't go without water forever. And I don't think that merchant would have anything... Not that I'd want to go back to him anyway," I finished bitterly. Everyone traded glances.

"Agreed," Aveline said. "I'll see what Captain Ewald has to say about this. You can ask some of the other refugees, see if any of them have found something, since some have been around longer."

I swallowed against the lump in my throat, not clearing it, but managing a weak, "Okay." Not that I planned on going to talk to anyone. Speaking to strangers was too nerve wracking.

Lucky for me, Bethany noticed my predicament and offered to come with me. I nodded gratefully.

We didn't find much, but I paid close attention to how Bethany dealt with the other refugees, noticing how sometimes she had to stop herself from reaching for their injuries.

I hadn't ever practiced my magic--honestly I started to doubt I had it again--but I could imagine how difficult it must feel for her, able to help, yet not, because people would reject the methods she used.

I sighed, and promised to myself I would pay even closer attention to her during my training. It was the least I owed her.

0-o-0

On the third day after landing at Kirkwall, Carver stepped into my physical training.

"Considering her fighting style," he'd said, "Bethany isn't really the best to teach you about physical combat."

"That would be me," Hawke joked from her nearby perch. Carver just scowled deeply and focused on me.

It was one of the few times I wished Marian wouldn't joke so much with her brother. He was a thorough teacher, but his methods were rough and very learn-as-you-go, something I struggled with. His frustration made his methods harder to deal with.

The only benefit was he allowed, and encouraged me, to retaliate against him with real force. When I asked, he assured me I couldn't hurt him too badly, since I wasn't aiming for kills. When I still hesitated, he got more aggressive, until I finally felt the need to start hitting him.

During one of his 'try-to-escape-the-armlock' routines, I finally noticed his hand waver, like he thought of removing it. I twisted the best I could with my shoulder in a difficult position and punched him with my free hand. While I did expect Carver to stumble back, considering I hit his solar plexus, I had not expected him to open his mouth in a silent gasp, eyes wide, arms dropping me to clutch his chest. Ragged, wet coughing followed, sounding like my younger Aunt when she had full-blown bronchitis.

I reached out a shaking hand, but didn't touch him. "Are you okay?" My voice pitched so high, I wondered if he understood. Carver tried to glare at me, but his round of coughs and squinting eyes made it look like he was about to cry.

Bethany was the first one at his side, checking him over, while Marian quickly followed, serious-faced as she talked him through his breaths. I still dithered, watching the scene, but not participating. Surely, he wasn't dying... right? Would the universe really try to 'correct' the change I had made? My head was playing the image of him on the ground after the ogre, dying beneath me, over and over.

When Mama Hawke showed up from her daily search for her brother, Aveline at her side, I apologized profusely to the Hawke siblings before walking with urgency to the older woman. Her eyes were shimmering, but I saw no surprise on her face. Instead of explaining what was going on, I began apologizing to her as well. Training with me had brought on his current attack, after all.

Mama Hawke shook her head. "He's a stubborn boy. The only reason he didn't jump into your training sooner was at my request."

"So this is... normal?" I inquired. Aveline was still standing near, listening.

"Oh, no. We think it was," Mama Hawke paused, looked deeply into my eyes, and continued, "We think it was a consequence of his injury from the ogre. Bethany believes the damage caused internal scars."

What was with that look? No way. She couldn't blame me, right? I saved her son's life, and she wasn't spiteful. Probably. I was fretting now, biting at my chapped lip. Apologizing might help with feelings, but it wouldn't fix Carver's health. Still, I must have been transparent, because the old woman placed a hand on my shoulder.

"You're the reason he lives." Aveline was nodding beside her.

"He took a hard hit. It's only natural that there would be some lasting consequences."

I was thankful when Aveline officially called an end to the training. The Hawke sisters set their brother down to rest while Aveline gave a brief rundown on the obvious lack of success finding Gamlen, our ticket into the city. Of course, that didn't calm the mood. As I sat down to relax, Aveline got up again to pace. Everyone was getting anxious about the long wait, since we'd had no word from Gamlen or the guards.

Calenhad came to sit next to me, so I scratched at his ears and scruff, earning a pleased huff. Something about animals always made me feel better.

"You're such a good boy," I crooned, "Yes." I drew out the last word as Calenhad let out a contented growl. It was rather funny to me, but I had noticed over the last week, starting on the ship, that the mabari had started growling and grunting every time I started petting him.

Though Marian had been concerned at first, Calenhad's dopey grin and my calm assurances had been enough to show her that the hound wasn't being aggressive. It was cute, at least, to me. I wondered if he had started doing it because I always talked to him in a low rumble during the petting.

I placed a kiss on Calenhad's forehead. "Do you think they forgot about us, puppy?"

He whined.

"No, I don't think so either. Who could forget such a cute face?" I grabbed his jaw on either side and scratched, making his head wobble back and forth.

"You realize he's a war hound," Carver said, sitting on a step behind me, "Bred for battle. The way you talk to him is... sickening."

Turning, I gaped for a moment, my heart feeling like it would simultaneously stop and leap out of my chest. "Just because he can battle doesn't mean he can't be cute!" I realized I was speaking loudly, but I couldn't stop myself. "Don't be jealous just because he's loveable!"

"I- I'm not jealous!"

Calenhad barked twice.

"And you stay out of this!"

I turned back to the hound and started stroking his back when I noticed his ears lowering. "Don't listen to him, sweetie. You can always join our arguments."

Carver groaned but seemed to realize he was fighting a losing battle. He took some even breaths at Bethany's instruction, reminding me of his health and draining the playfulness right out of me.

The small talk continued to shrink from there, until our group was completely silent. We eventually followed Aveline to where her pacing had taken her: Up the main staircase, past large statues of a slaves wailing in various states of despair. Four-armed winged warrior statues stood at either end, watching. God, I really hated Kirkwall's aesthetic. Statues which looked like The Twins were everywhere, so even after sailing through the port you couldn't escape it. I supposed that was the point. 

The only relief was Aveline chose to pace near a simple bird statue. When I walked around the side of it and settled back down, I found I could ignore every other piece of 'art' in the Gallows. After what seemed like thirty minutes of nonstop worrying, Aveline finally spoke up.

"It's been three days. This waiting has to end." She stopped to look back at all of us.

Leandra twisted her hands together as she answered. "Gamlen will be here any moment, I'm sure it won't be much longer. He must still be searching for us!"

"And if he's not?"

I had to side with Aveline on this one. "We aren't exactly hard to find. We're in sight of the doors."

"Mother's right," Bethany spoke up, "We just need to be patient."

Carver scoffed. "He's family, isn't he? He should have been here."

"Don't look now," Marian stage whispered, "But I think that's our man."

We all looked to where she was gesturing and noticed a scruffy man walking through the side gates to the city. He looked as old as Leandra, though time had worn far more wrinkles onto his face, like his skin was like a pallid ocean cliff. The only noticeable color on him was the dark blue of his eyes, a family trait. He wore threadbare clothes, and it was a wonder any hope stayed on Leandra's face as she ran to greet him.

"Gamlen!" She wrapped her arms around him as they met, the greying man returning her hug. They really did seem like siblings this way, as though they were picking up roles both of them left long ago.

"Leandra, damn girl." He laughed and pulled back. "Oh, the years haven't been kind to you."

She slapped him lightly, looking affronted. Right, his personality. A nervous throat clearing preceded his next thoughts.

"Er, right. Let me just say upfront, I wasn't expecting this. The Blight, your husband... dead." The siblings separated, Gamlen's wrinkles deep now as he looked at his older sister. "I'd, ah, figured you'd pretty much be Ferelden for life."

"Oh Gamlen, it was awful. We nearly came too late." She looked back, eyes seeking out her son. "My Carver almost didn't make it, thank the Maker for Sabrina."

I startled and immediately felt the heat crawling across my back and neck. Oh, I hated being praised in front of strangers, especially when I felt I didn't deserve it. Gamlen just sighed and muttered something about the Maker under his breath, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Leandra, don't drop this on me here. I don't even know if I can help you get in."

"Well, there are other ways into a city," Marian sighed dramatically. An elbow from Bethany had her speaking up with a saccharine voice. "Would it help if I said you were my favorite uncle?"

He chuckled, some of the wear on his face looking lighter at the sound. "It'd make me feel better, but that's about it."

"I think those deserters from earlier were a good example of things we shouldn't try," Bethany said, "Didn't work out so well for them."

"I hate to agree, but there's a reason they housed us in an old prison," Aveline said, voice somber.

A sigh from the older man stopped their musings. "I had been hoping to grease some palms, but the Knight-Commander's been cracking down. We're gonna need more grease."

"Again with the Knight-Commander," I complained.

"That is odd," Marian muttered to me. Leandra was starting to look distraught.

"But... what about the estate?" she insisted, "Surely father left something when he died."

"Right, about the estate..." Gamlen started hesitantly. Uh-oh, this was one of the main parts I remembered. Everyone else seemed to catch onto his tone as well, Bethany and Carver sharing worried looks. "It's, uh, gone."

"What?"

"To settle a debt. I've been meaning to write you," he rushed through the end.

"Then there's no hope." Her shoulders drooped and she dropped her eyes to the ground, lips thinning. Carver put an arm around his mother's shoulders. 

"N-not quite," Gamlen seemed hasty to assure, "I know some people who might help. If... you're not too delicate about the company you keep."

"Mother said our family was wealthy," Marian said, voice too quiet.

Leandra took a deep breath and looked back up. "I can't believe you sold the estate. Gamlen, how could you? That was our home."

"Well, I didn't expect your blasted family to show up on my doorstep," her brother grit out.

Carver was glaring at the man now. "You really can't help us."

"I am blighted helping!" he insisted. "I've got two offers of work from people who've got the coin to open those gates." He then turned back to Leandra.

"I've got a nice place in Lowtown, you'll see, it'll all work out."

"Sounds like he's trying to convince himself," Aveline murmured. I caught her eye and nodded. The others didn't know, but I was well aware of the pay gap in this city. Lowtown was not 'nice.'

"Do we really need to stay in Kirkwall?" Marian offered, "Let's just go to another city."

Mama Hawke shook her head and grabbed the hand Carver had on her shoulder. "Kirkwall was my home. I can't believe they won't let me come back."

"Every city on the coastline has been hip deep in Fereldens since the Blight," Gamlen informed us, "You could try your luck further inland, I suppose, but you won't have any family to help you there. It won't be easy."

"We're not putting Mother through that," Bethany spoke up. Her twin tightened his grip on Mama Hawke, a scowl on his face.

"We came here. We're staying _here_." Carver pointed downward fiercely with his free hand. I had the sudden urge to punch him in the face. There was no need to be so adamant, Marian was only offering a possibility. I looked at her and saw the resignation.

"Seems we don't have much choice. Let's hear it Uncle. What do you have in mind?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! An update so soon after I just made one (for a different fic)? Crazy.
> 
> I talked about a lot of things I haven't actually experienced in this chapter. ...Well, obviously magic and such, but I meant something else! I have little to no experience sailing on the open sea, as my character mentions. I have also never been in a situation where people were actually being killed right in front of me. The mindfulness meditation is helpful for both, but wouldn't make the problems go away. I hope I've conveyed an underlying sense of fear, regardless of her current composure. Seems like she had better deal with her feelings at some point...


	5. Getting Settled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabrina finally comes face-to-face with her new job, and all the stress that comes with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I'm just playing in Bioware's backyard.

"I talked to my contacts, and I found some people who might be willing to pay your way into the city," Gamlen explained.

"That's where you were," Bethany said, "You knew how difficult it would be to get us in."

She sounded so relieved Gamlen's pinched expression stood out more than it might have otherwise. "Right, well, there is a catch."

"Life is always a catch," I muttered. Gamlen harrumphed, but continued talking to Marian.

"The catch is, you and the twins have to work off the debt. For a year." Silence reigned for about two seconds before pandemonium broke loose.

"A year!" Leandra exclaimed, stepping out of her son's embrace to confront her brother.

"It's the best I could do!"

"Putting my children in debt is the best you could do?"

"Leandra," he warned, "Trust me when I say most refugees won't get a better option anywhere else."

"So that's your idea?" Carver asked, "Selling us into indentured servitude?"

"Think of it as having a job waiting for you in your new home."

"Wonderful," Bethany said sarcastically.

She expressed my thoughts exactly. It wasn't really a job, because they wouldn't get paid for their work. Wait. This wasn't like the game; Food and other necessities required money.

"If they don't get paid," I wondered aloud, "How will we live?"

"I managed to get my contacts to come to the Gallows to meet you personally. Whatever is worked out is between you."

So there was the chance of payment, just very small. Better than I was expecting, but I got the feeling I was going to get sick of whatever small percentage the siblings were allowed to keep.

"And, who are you?" Gamlen's scrutiny was finally focused on me, now that most of the family business seemed to be out of the way. "Leandra, you didn't mention much of these other... women in your letter." His gaze drifted to Aveline as well.

I scratched at my arm and breathed a nervous greeting. "I'm Sabrina."

"Yes, I know. But what I want to know is why you're traveling with my sister and her children."

"I- They helped me out so-"

"What, so you're just riding on their good graces? It was hard enough to get them meetings with my contacts. If they have to take you, either of you, that might make it impossible."

"That's, I'm not trying to make things harder!"

"Please, ser," Aveline cut in, "We won't impede their progress into the city."

He grunted. "See that you don't."

I would say the reason he was so adamant was he was worried about his family, but that exchange was... odd. Like he had something riding on this as well. If they were his contacts, maybe he owed them money? Ooooh it would be just like that sleaze. I crossed my arms and pushed my lips together to keep from saying anything.

Marian was the one to break the silence. "Who, exactly, are we meeting with?"

"Meeran heads up the mercenary company, the Red Iron. They're looking for recruits," Gamlen explained. "Athenril... I guess you might call her a smuggler."

"You might call her one?"

Gamlen shrugged. "Those aren't always the jobs she does. Either one of them can help you. All you need to do is find them in the courtyard and convince them you're worth the trouble. They should both be expecting you."

Hawke just nodded, taking all the information in before addressing her siblings. "Well you two? What do you think about this?"

"We've come this far," Bethany said, "I don't care who we work for, as long as it means we don't have to go back."

"Carver?"

"What can I say? Better here than nowhere."

"Oh Gamlen, I don't know about this," Leandra said. She had started twisting her hands together again, gazing at her brother like he could magically come up with another solution.

"It's a lot of coin, Leandra." Gamlen's voice was low and even more worn than when the conversation started. "Don't go expecting our name to carry the kind of weight it used to."

"They should be nobility!" Leandra protested.

He sighed in aggravation. "I'm doing the best I can, given the circumstances."

Marian cleared her throat to get the attention of the two older family members. "Before we talk to them, is there any information you can give us, Uncle? This, Meeran. What's he like?"

"He's a hired sword, what do you expect him to be like?" He scoffed. "I wouldn't bring him home for dinner or anything, but he's got a decent reputation. I wouldn't have asked him if I thought he'd cross you." Gamlen's voice was hard at the end, his tensed shoulders daring anyone to suggest he wasn't loyal.

Marian hummed. "Well, we know what mercenaries do. How dangerous is this smuggler's work?"

"It won't be pretty working for her. Smugglers don't usually operate... within the law. Not to mention, Athenril is a small fish compared to some of the other thieves' guilds around here."

My mind immediately thought of all those dwarven thieves who would come after us. The Carta? That seemed right. Some quest pissed them off, probably, though I couldn't recall what it might be.

"But she's tough, she's fair, and she never deals in slaves or flesh."

Always a good policy. I might have encouraged the Hawke siblings to take her out, otherwise. Ah! Was that what pissed off the Carta? In the game, the party killed people dealing in slaves, I was positive. Damn, no way to avoid it then. I must have let off an audible groan, because Hawke turned to me with a question in her eyes.

"Any opinions?"

I stuttered a few incomprehensible things before finally saying, "I'm not really a fighter. B-but, I could help with... smuggling? Kinda, like, information gathering?" I scuffed my feet on the ground. "I don't feel right coming into the city without helping you out."

"I feel the same," Aveline spoke up. "I won't allow others incur debts on my behalf."

"Can't see that it makes a difference," said Gamlen, "You look like a lady who can pull her own weight. Even if she can't." He eyed me as he said it, causing acid to boil in my stomach. "Of course, the decision is ultimately up to all of you."

"Then you'll come with us," Leandra almost demanded.

"I... have no real option." Aveline's face softened. "Thank you."

When Mama Hawke turned to me, I smiled and nodded, already having planned on taking her offer. ...Wow. I knew they would take me. The thought they might suggest I board a ship or stay in the Gallows never even crossed my mind. I felt a lump in my throat as I realized how much I already trusted them.

"Let's find these contacts of our Uncle's and see what they have to say." Everyone consented and followed Marian into the main area of the courtyard.

As we descended the staircase, I noticed the Guard Captain stationed at the bottom, just like the first time we met. He was on duty here a lot, I realized. Just in the past few days more refugees had come pouring in, only a few making their way to the Captain, and even fewer actually getting in. Every time someone did though, I had to push down burning resentment. At least the meditation exercises were coming in handy.

"Captain Ewald," Aveline greeted when we got closer.

Most of our group kept moving, on the lookout for one of the contacts, but Carver stayed behind to greet him, and I was curious.

"So that was your Uncle, was it?" I heard the redheaded man say, "Good. I thought he was another confidence man, trying to sell promises."

Oh, he was selling something alright. Us.

"So, does he have the coin you need?"

"No, but he does have another way, as much as I dislike the idea." Carver crossed his arms.

"Not breaking your way in, I hope."

"Nothing like that, I assure you," Aveline cut in.

The Captain hummed. "If it were up to me, I'd let you all through. But there are a lot of eyes watching. A lot of palms that need to be greased."

"Our Uncle mentioned something like that," Carver mused.

"Did he? My suggestion, wait for the next ship, and try another city that might not have closed their doors yet."

"With all due respect Captain," Aveline said, "We'll takes our chances here, first."

"As you will." He shrugged. "It was only a suggestion."

We said polite goodbyes and decided to catch up to the rest of the group. We found Marian and Bethany just around a corner. They were talking to a man who looked around the same age as Gamlen; He was probably Meeran, I thought. He was outfitted lightly, not much visible armor on him except his limbs, and his grey hair was clearly receding. He had a look about him though, like he was ready to start a fight at anytime with anyone, if they looked at him wrong.

"A shame," he was saying. "Well, come back if you change your mind. The offer stands 'til around sundown."

"We'll keep it in mind."

The group began walking away and met with us partway, near where Gamlen and Leandra waited with the family hound. "Well, where have you three been? Off on an adventure of your own?" Marian asked.

"Just greeting the Guard Captain," Aveline said. "It seems he doesn't think much of our chances."

Gamlen scoffed. "Well of course he doesn't. The blighted idiot just follows the 'higher command.' Whatever she says is law."

I frowned at this mention of the Templars' Knight-Commander. She was determined to be a pain in the ass, right from the start.

"Well, you didn't miss much," Marian said. "We've talked to Meeran, but the work seems a little... violent, if I'm being perfectly honest. And it requires a lot of physical exertion."

I understood the look she sent to Carver, worried, flicking over his chest to watch his breathing, but judging by his darkening expression, he did too. "How is that any different from what we're used to?"

His sister shook her head. "It isn't just defending yourself, or others, against an enemy. It's specifically seeking out a man, and killing him, just because you're told." She gave him a steely look. "Could you do that, Carver?"

He shifted on his feet and crossed his arms. "So what then, we're going to talk to the smuggler?"

"That's the idea."

Aveline nodded. "Lead on then."

"Come back here once you've spoken to her," Mama Hawke said. "I want to know your final decision."

"Of course, Mother," Bethany placated.

I hesitated as the siblings and Aveline began walking away. I cleared my throat a little, not knowing how to ask to come along. Bethany was the one who turned around and saw my sheepish smile.

"Aren't you coming?" she asked.

"Oh, um, sure!" I took a few quick steps to walk by her side. "I just, wasn't certain... you know."

"Athenril was your original choice," she pointed out, "You should be there when we talk. I don't know much about smuggling, but if it's not too dangerous for you, and you can help..." She rubbed her bicep with the opposite hand. "It would be appreciated."

I tried to make my smile more genuine. The Hawkes did have a shitty time of it, didn't they? They would be more used to this kind of lifestyle, but they didn't have a home to go back to, like I did. If I ever figured out how to get back.

"I would like to help," I offered, "Since I can't do much else at the moment. And you're letting me stay." I trailed off, not knowing what else to say, but Bethany's soft gaze was enough.

On the opposite end of the courtyard, in a shadow covered corner, we finally found a small, likely group. A short, elven woman stood proudly in front of a couple other elves, light rust hair pulled up into a messy bun, though a short fringe fell around her seashell pale face.

Her sharp gaze was on us the second we got within speaking range, accentuating her already fine features. She dismissed the two others, her subordinates standing at a respectful distance, but ready to step in if needed.

"Are you Athenril?" Hawke asked, stopping just out of reach.

"I am," the elf replied, facing us. "And you must be Gamlen's niece. Interesting." She gave us all a once over, gaze lingering uncomfortably whenever we moved.

At the same time, I was giving her a look over of my own. Though slender, as all elves seemed to be, I could see the wiry muscles under her skin. She seemed well outfitted: flexible armor, plenty of pouches for things like poisons and lock picks, and probably some hidden daggers to go along with the ones sitting comfortably at her hips. Her stance was relaxed, confident like a cat's as she watched the newcomers in her territory.

"I don't know what he's told you about us, but he's certainly told us a great deal about you."

"Uh, how much is a great deal...?" Carver asked hesitantly.

"Enough to pique our interest," she responded, shifting her weight to one hip, "Provided you can justify your uncle's confidence."

"I'd say we can, but I hear getting us into the city isn't cheap," Marian replied, keeping her own stance ready for quick movement.

"If you can do what we're hoping, it should be worth the expense. After all," her grin widened, "It's not everyday we're offered an apostate's services."

I heard several breaths hitch, including mine. Ohhh I'd forgotten Gamlen had been so stupid. Ugh, was there really no other way to get the attention of these groups?

I realized my mistake as soon as I'd met the elven woman's eyes. "I'm guessing that would be you. Funny, you don't look related at all."

"N-no, I'm not. I mean, not that, any of it."

She just smirked at me. "Whatever you say."

Hawke subtly stepped further in front of me. "I hadn't realized Gamlen had told you that much. Does everyone know about us?" She huffed in exasperation.

Athenril waved a hand back and forth. "The Templars in Kirkwall like to think they have all the mages on lock down, but when has that ever been true? That said, any apostates found are immediately taken to the Gallows... or killed. We can keep them from taking notice while you're with us."

"Can you?" Bethany asked, arms crossed and, eyes narrowed.

"Wouldn't be the first time." she shrugged nonchalantly. "I can be honest. We don't compete with the thieves' guild, but we keep our fingers in a lot of pies. That gives us plenty of options, even if we have one more mage than expected."

Ah shit. Athenril was quick on the uptake. Well, that and I was still a dead give away. How the hell did people lie while looking you straight in the eye?

Hawke spoke up again. "I'd like to know more about what we'd be doing for you. If it's too risky..."

"Risk is part of the job," Athenril warned, "As I mentioned, we've got options, but we're not killers or slavers. Anything short of that, however, is fair game."

A deep frown settled on Aveline's face. "Do what you want, but this sounds fishy to me."

"Begging and taking your pick never went hand-in-hand," said Carver.

"How _did_ you become one of my Uncle's 'contacts'?" Marian said, stance looser.

"Is that what he called me?" Her voice held a laugh. "He owes us after that last big idea. If you work out though... we'll consider it even."

"So this is about getting him out of debt as well," Bethany pondered.

Athenril nodded. "Of course, I wasn't expecting two apostates. He wasn't aware of you, I assume?" I swallowed as her gaze turned on me. No use denying it, I guess.

"...I don't think I was aware of me?"

"Ha! Well, what do you say? Interested in a test run?"

Hawke looked at all of us, and seeing our determine expressions, nodded at the elf. "What do you need done?"

Waving her forward with one hand, the smuggler lowered her voice. "There's a merchant here named Cavril. Friend of the Templars. So they let him set up his little shop here in the Gallows." Here, she turned to face the courtyard, a scowl on her face.

"Oh, I believe we're familiar with him," Aveline said.

"Hm, that should make things interesting. Are you still on speaking terms?"

"He hasn't stopped taking our money yet," she said dryly. That got a grin from the smuggler.

"Good. We were the ones who supplied him, in exchange for a small take of the profits, but now he won't pay up. We can't go near him without him screaming for the guard... But you can."

She faced all of us. "Go to him, and get what we're owed. I don't care what methods you use, but do try to be inconspicuous. Do that, and you're in."

It seemed like that was all we were getting, so Hawke nodded and we all headed back to the main courtyard area. I couldn't help but sigh into my hands.

"Breathe, Sabrina," Bethany instructed.

"At least we'll get a chance to finally take him down a notch," said Carver. "Maybe get him to start making the prices more fair... or else." He cracked his knuckles.

"I doubt it," I said, lifting my head, "But let's go with that."

"Or let's not," Aveline reprimanded. "We're trying to keep from drawing attention, remember? This merchant still supplies everyone in the gallows. We can't just go picking fights with anyone that wrongs us."

"And regardless of that smuggler's influence, he is a friend of the templars," Bethany reminded us, "We don't want that sort of attention so early on. Or ever."

"I'm really getting sick of Templar interference in city affairs," I grumbled.

"Seems we'll just have to get used to it," Carver grumbled as well.

"Flawed political systems, hooray." I gave a sarcastic "wooo" while waving my hands just barely above my head.

Aveline sighed at the both of us.

Cavril came into sight immediately after. He noticed us coming and spread the usual fake smile on his face.

"Welcome again, serah. More food already? Or did you realize you require something else?"

Marian was the one to speak up. "Actually, we're not here for your wares."

"Oh?" His smile withered. "Well, what can I do for you then?"

"I believe you owe your business partner something."

His smile dropped off completely. "Oh, I see."

"Should I go tell the guards?" his bodyguard asked.

"Not just yet." Cavril raised a hand. "I want to hear this." He cleared his throat and looked Marian straight in the eye. A bold move, considering Marian's expectant stare far outweighed his glare.

"So Athenril sent you to collect, did she? Too cowardly to do it herself."

A delicate eyebrow arched over Marian's blue eyes. "The way she told it, you were the one who would have ran."

"Well of course I would have," he said without shame, "I'm a merchant, not a warrior. And she does take on... less reputable jobs. It's not in anyone's best interests to deal with people like that."

"Does that mean you won't pay her?" Marian asked.

"Tell you what," he said, "I'll make you an offer. Let's say, I let you have, oh, two sovereigns, and you go back and tell Athenril that she gets nothing from me, huh? Should set you refugees up for a while until you get a ship back."

The merchant was worse at reading people than he thought, as it was clear to me when Hawke's shoulders tensed. The shaven man just stood with a self-assured stance, waiting for agreement. Hawke turned to the slightly taller redhead beside her.

"Aveline?" Hawke asked, "Would you like to step in, here?"

"Only because this toad deserves it," she said. She walked up to the sleazy merchant, and faster than anyone could react, pulled a dagger on him.

His bodyguards made to move, but when they saw her glare, settled for placing their hands on their sword handles.

"Here's what you're going to do," Aveline said, voice steady as her arm, "You're going to go pay what you owe, or I'm going to beat it out of you, and your men."

"Hey," one of them protested. He looked less confident about his chances when he noticed our group looked ready for battle as well. Well, not me, I seemed to have escaped notice.

"Fine, fine! Take what's in the chest." Aveline moved her dagger away as the merchant growled. He rubbed a hand across his neck, as though checking for marks, before nodding to his guards. "Let someone else sell to these Ferelden dogs."

We watched his group make a beeline for the area where the Guard Captain was.

"We should probably be quick. He didn't look too happy," Bethany said.

"Right. Let's hope it's open," her sister said, surprisingly lighthearted.

It was. No need for lockpicking after all. Odd. Hawke grabbed the sack of coins inside, leaving the papers. When I asked, she said they just looked like the rights to open shop here. We returned to Athenril, everyone keeping an eye out for guards, just in case the merchant felt brave.

Hawke walked in front, calling to Athenril. "The job is done. And I believe this, is yours." She held out her hand with the pouch.

Athenril took it. "Would you look at that." She looked up with a grin, handing the purse off to one of her men. "And no fuss raised with the guards. Nice touch."

"We do our best."

"Tell your uncle we'll make the arrangements. Welcome aboard."

Hawke just nodded.

"We'll contact you again once the bribes are paid. You'll receive a meeting location. All four of you-" she pointed to the Hawke siblings and myself, "-are to come as soon as you reach Lowtown."

"A little eager are we?" Marian's eyes hardened. "I don't believe our friend was included in this little deal." She lifted a hand to gesture at me.

"You're right. But she does want to get into the city as well, doesn't she? Same as your redheaded friend here?"

Athenril smiled in satisfaction as both of us tensed. "Those bribes aren't cheap, as you are aware. But a second mage is just the convincing I needed that you'll all be worth my time. I won't even make the freckled one work. That's what I'm offering, take it or leave it."

Marian seemed to be struggling, so I sidled up to her and whispered under my breath. "I'll be fine. And she's right anyway, I do want to come with you. Maybe if I help, it won't take a full year?"

The taller woman looked down at me, bright blue eyes cloudy with emotion. She looked past me, at Aveline I assumed, and nodded.

"Alright," she said to Athenril, "We'll see you soon. All four of us."

The smuggler just smirked and left the area, taking her men with her.

"Are you sure about this?" Bethany questioned.

I rubbed the back of my neck. "Su- ...Not really. But I'll do my best."

"You can't even fight," Carver protested, "How can you help?"

I sighed. "Smuggling is about more than killing people. It's about stealth, subtlety, information gathering and... stuff."

Aveline cocked an eyebrow at me. "How would you know that?"

"...What, I'm not allowed to read about seedy activities?" She shook her head, exasperated. I got the feeling this would be a regular occurrence.

The twins encouraged us to go tell Mama Hawke and Gamlen, so we made our way back to the courtyard.

"Well, any luck?" Gamlen said, standing up from the column he leaned against.

"Was there ever any doubt?" Marian joked.

Bethany nodded, confirming, "Athenril has agreed to help us."

"Excellent." Gamlen's lips lifted. "I'll go see when the bribes can be made." He took his leave, heading back into the city.

"I'm still not sure this is a good idea," Aveline lamented.

Marian shrugged. "Well, we'll deal with that when we come to it. For now, we have a way into the city."

"Then we made it," Bethany said, shoulders relaxing, "The voyage is over."

"Now we just have to work for smugglers for a year," Carver grumbled. "I still think the mercenaries were a better choice."

"Too late for that now," Marian chided, "Besides, we're family, we stick together."

She looked around at all of us, and I felt a lump in my throat.

Her mother laid a hand on her shoulder. "Yes," she said, "We'll get through this together."

0-o-0

Finally. We were getting into the city. It was rather awkward to have to wait for Athenril's associate, but eventually they delivered the news, and we were good to go. Ascending the stairs was the most hopeful I'd been for weeks.

When Captain Ewald caught my eye, I gave him a little wave. Unfortunately, it only got a raised eyebrow from him, so I lowered my hand and walked on, eyes on the gates and the city beyond.

Apparently, there was a small channel between the gallows and the main portion of the city, so we all took a small boat across. Carver, Aveline, Marian, and the man who owned the boat all rowed together.

I sat next to Bethany, while Calenhad seemed perfectly content sitting with Leandra.

Soon enough, we were on the fishing docks, a section I assumed was part of Kirkwall's Lowtown. The smell reminded me of Gwaren, except filled with more B.O. and a hint of the rocky cliffs around the city.

"Finally here," Marian said, stretching her arms.

"It seemed like we'd never make it," Bethany agreed.

"You all be careful now," said the boat owner, "It's not an easy city to get a new life started in, unless you've already got connections." 

"Thank you, ser," Aveline said.

With his piece said, he tipped his hat and walked to another group of fishermen. 

"That wasn't ominous," I muttered.

"We do already have connections," Carver said, "So let's go meet with them."

"Yes. Mother, you go with Calenhad to find Uncle Gamlen. Aveline..."

"You don't need to ask, Hawke," she said, a small smile on her face, "I'll make sure she gets there safely."

They nodded to each other, something unspoken passing in their gaze, before breaking contact.

"Let's go meet our new employer." Marian led the way, and I wrung my hands nervously. This, I was not looking forward to. I had never expected to get dragged into this whole mess, especially not because of magical powers I hadn't even known about until a few weeks ago.

Bethany had been the one to inform me of the date: The twenty-sixth of Wintermarch, the first month of the Thedas calendar. The new year had passed while the Hawkes were getting ready to leave their home. How awful.

I had wondered why the guards in the Gallows had been acting differently. Being outside the walls of the city had stopped much news from coming through, but I heard some celebrations were being set up. It seemed the second month had a holiday of it's own, though I was unfamiliar with it.

Thinking about merriment was only a temporary distraction. When Marian Hawke announced, "Looks like we're here," I nearly froze. I did not want to fight, no matter how much I had tried to assure the siblings I could help. I hoped against all hope I would just be gathering intel or something.

We entered a small house, finding a group of four already inside, Athenril among them.

"You've made it," she said, "And on time too. Good."

She gestured to a few seats nearby. "No point dallying, let's cut straight to the chase."

She barely waited for us to seat ourselves, myself on a chair next to Bethany.

"Here's how it's going to work." Athenril gestured to the others in the room; all elves, now that I looked. "We take whatever jobs seem profitable, within our skill set, and most importantly, discreet. You did a good job with that during your trial run. Keep that up, and there will be less need for combat." She gave us a generous nod.

"Make no mistake though, there will be times you have to fight. If it comes to that, you are to be merciless. We can't have our enemies running around and reporting about what we're up to, and I assume you don't want anyone gossiping with every slob and his nan about the fact he was nearly killed by an apostate."

"I thought you had that under control," Hawke protested.

"We'll do our best," she assured, "And our best is quite good. However, make it too difficult, slip up to too many people, and nothing I do can keep that from reaching the Knight-Commander's ears; aside from killing every gossip and templar in Kirkwall, something that our group is not equipped or willing to do." Her voice was stern, and we got the message. Don't go about flaunting your powers.

"Alright, let's get a little more in-depth." She spent the next thirty minutes or so detailing how they usually operated. Most of what I got was operations were all very hush-hush, with some blood and subtle intimidation to keep people they worked with in line. Sort of like the Gallows merchant.

"Now, we have a couple jobs going on, one of which would be a good start to get you used to how we operate. Leron here, will take you to the meet-up place. We can't have too many of you there so... We'll take you two," she pointed at Marian and Bethany. "Seems like a good balance anyway."

"And what of me?" Carver said.

"You and the other little mage here," she gestured to me, "Need weapons."

"What makes you say that?"

"Haven't seen either of you carry one yet, even here, through Lowtown. So either you're keeping them hidden, or you're thick. Walking around without a weapon in this business is like asking to die."

He grit his teeth but didn't retort. I was amazed at his restraint. "How, exactly, are we supposed to get weapons? We don't have any money, if that wasn't clear."

"Carver," his older sister warned.

"We'll provide some," Athenril said, unflappable. "Can't have our newest recruits walk around ill-equipped."

"My brother does raise an important question." Hawke was leaning towards Athenril. "It's all well and good that you'll provide equipment this way, but if all of our efforts go only to working off this debt, we'll have to pick up side jobs. And I don't much fancy Carver as royal jester, amusing though it may be."

Carver grumbled under his breath as Bethany shoved an elbow into her older sister's side. The resulting grunt silenced Carver. Athenril simply watched, her gaze piercing through Hawke, as though she was running dozens of responses through her head. Finally, she spoke.

"Then you had better work hard." The tension went up so quickly I wondered if bones might break under the strain of their own muscles. "We will, of course, make sure you get a small amount for each job. But quality matters. If you slack off, or consistently act outside our interests, your pay will go down. Do your jobs right, and we'll have no problems."

I exchanged a look with Bethany. Her arms were as tense as mine, usually unseen muscles pushing against the skin. Hawke was the one to answer our new employer with a simple, "Understood."

Athenril waved at Leron and he rose from his seat. Compared to the other three elves in the room, Leron gave off a soft impression. He stood slightly shorter than Athenril, with small, tapered eyes and delicate features. He reminded me of a sunny day on the beach, golden sands which darken with the waves. Appropriately, he dressed like a pirate. His loose tunic showed off a few simple necklaces on his chest, simple hoops pierced his ear lobes, with most of his messy hair held back with a bright cloth, and in some places wrangled into braids.

"Come on then," he said. The Hawke sisters followed, throwing one last glance back before heading out into the town.

"Weapons are back here," said Athenril. "I brought some I thought might suit you."

Carver and I followed her to a back room where there were a few displays and chests, all full with some sort of weapon or armor.

"And you could use some armor," she said to me, "Even if you're not on the front lines, it doesn't mean you'll never get hit. Range does not equal safety."

"Yes," I stuttered, "I know. Thank you." I bobbed my head in agreement, which she seemed to find amusing, and set about finding armor pieces for me while Carver was taking down and swinging some of the two-handed swords.

"What sort of weapon are you use to?" she asked. "I'm assuming some sort of staff?"

I hesitated, making some wordless sounds before pulling it together. "I actually... have no combat- er, weapon training."

"Really? Hm, that makes things difficult. Only used your magic before?"

"I'm a novice at that too..." I shuffled as she looked at me incredulously, "But, ah, Bethany's teaching me!"

"Can't change that. None of my men are qualified to teach magic." She laughed to herself. "However," her voice hardened, "You will be starting weapons lessons with either myself or my men. You will train everyday, for as long as we see fit. Understood?"

I offered a meek yes, already dreading the sessions.

Carver looked on from where he held a long sword meant to be worn at the hip. His eyes held... some emotion, but I couldn't make it out. Relief? Offense? I wasn't sure, but I had expected a snarky comment, and felt nervous at the silence.

The elven woman eventually found some things to outfit me with, including a nice pair of leather boots to replace my running shoes, gloves, and... a thick coat? Athenril noticed my confusion about that piece of so called armor.

"Ah, right. I don't suppose you have any breeches?" She eyed me up and down. "Well, I'll see what I can find, but you'll need the gambeson." As she shuffled through a chest, presumably for pants, I stared at the so-called gambeson.

Thick material dyed a dark grey lay in my hands. It looked just like a winter coat, with simple metal hooks which would hold it closed. Holding it up to myself, I noticed the bottom would reach almost to my knees, but the sleeves, which widened at the end, would barely go past my elbow. Frowning, I looked up, only to jump when I saw Carver right next to me.

"Never worn armor?" He was speaking softly. Athenril was still searching in my peripheral vision, so I shook my head. Carver grabbed one of my hands, making me jump. For some reason, he then proceeded to pull my hand to his chest.

"Um...?"

"This is my gambeson." I looked at his outfit, unsure why he was inviting me to stare. The material was thick beneath my hand. It felt denser than a winter coat; Thicker than the one Athenril had handed me, though his armor had less sleeve than mine did. I had noticed before, but his parchment colored gambeson had no sleeves, showing off his farm boy strong arms. 

"Vambraces." Carver pointed to dark vambraces belted on his forearms, similar in looks to the belt around his waist. He also wore simple pants, and over them, sturdy leather boots that turned down at the top.

"And the gorget, though it's... not traditional." He was gesturing with his free arm to the especially thick, honey-colored leather piece that collared his neck and covered part of his upper torso. A pale fur ringed the gorget and, from what I saw at the collar, covered the inside as well.

I took in Carver's whole outfit again. I wondered why he left so much of his arms and legs exposed. Hadn't he been part of the Ferelden army? I pondered the possibility he had been a recent recruit to help stave off the darkspawn.

"If you two lovebirds are finished." Carver and I whipped our heads to see Athenril, eyebrow and hip cocked, with a pair of stitched pants in one hand. I stiffened but Carver pushed away, leaving me to stumble as he went back over to the weapons. Rude.

Athenril was still staring, but I just sighed. She shoved the pants out to me. They looked coarse, and when I rubbed my fingers against the slate blue material that was confirmed, but the pants had good shape.

"Should be good enough, for now. Try them on." I felt like my entire body was slowly pertifying. "This isn't a shop. You get one pair, and you're not exchanging them. Make sure they fit."

I felt the blood drain from my face. A quick look at Carver showed he was facing away from me, examining a set of maces rather intently. Okay, well, it would be like gym. No problem. Glad for the length of my robes, I quickly and discreetly shucked my jeans, folding and placing them to the side. After examining my new breeches, I toed off my shoes, though I stayed standing on them, and slipped my breeches on.

Athenril was tapping her foot now, arms crossed, so I lifted my robes to view the breeches. I buttoned them up, glad the positioning was straightforward, and moved my legs around to get a feel for them.

"Well?" Athenril said, "Looks fine to me."

They did feel alright. Apparently our new boss had a good eye for sizes. They were coarser than my jeans, not by much, but enough to notice. When Athenril looked to speak again, I nodded my head to let her know they were okay.

"Fine. Boots too. And take off that robe."

Balancing on one foot each time, I carefully pulled on the leather boots and laced them up, tying a tough double knot. I dithered on the robes, but gave in again under Athenril's expectant stare. After pulling them over my head, I put them with my jeans and pulled on the dark gambeson instead. It was warm. I reveled in the feeling as I fumbled with the clasps to keep it closed. Then I put on my gloves, having to lace those up, too. They ran just past where my gambeson ended, and were flexible enough for good movement.

"Great. You'll wear this most of the time, unless you need to be more inconspicuous. For that, you can wear your robes." I agreed.

Though she eyed my shoes oddly, I insisted I take them with me, so she shrugged and dumped them in a small sack for me, along with my jeans and the old robes from Flemeth.

"Now, what sort of weapon would you be comfortable wielding? I'm not sure why, but you mages always seem comfortable with staves of some sort."

"I think it's to help conduct magic?" I offered.

She shrugged. "Sure. Is that what you want then?"

"Wouldn't that stand out?" I asked hesitantly.

"Not really. Travelers use similar weapons when they aren't familiar with sidearms, like swords."

When I was still pondering, Carver finally spoke up. "Why don't you use a svärdstav?"

"A what?" I asked.

He pulled an unusual weapon off one of the racks. It had a blade like a one-handed sword, but it's grip was longer, like a spear. "A swordstaff. It has the reach of a staff, with the damage benefits of a sword." He swung it a couple times, though I could tell he wasn't as used to that sort of grip. "It's similar in length to what my twin uses, and familiar enough to Marian and I, so we could always offer some help with stances."

The blade did look cool, but when it came to weapons, I was only as experienced as the average RPG player. I didn't know how weapons actually worked. Still, it would be less conspicuous than carrying a mage's staff in a city run by Templars.

"I'll take your word for it." For some reason he frowned at that, though Athenril just nodded.

"Fine. Cyras has some experience with such weapons. You'll report to him. Who you practice with on your own time is your business. Cyras will report directly to me about your progress." I gulped and nodded at her stern look.

She gave the same look to Carver, but he was already done buckling his chosen sword to his belt.

"Well then, that's all for today. Make sure you're settled in and ready for tomorrow." Her smile grew on her face, lending it the sly qualities of a fox. "Welcome to Kirkwall."

0-o-0

The walk to Gamlen's place was as awkward as I'd felt yet. My grip on the sack with my old clothes got tighter and tighter. Carver was not easy to talk to. Honestly, I wasn't sure he was capable of being social in the best of circumstances. And he was with me. 

The swordstaff was an odd weight on my back. I had to be especially careful of where the blade hung, so I was walking with my feet reaching further in front of me than usual. The weapon bounced a little against my butt, though the harness did keep it from being too bad.

"Stop that." I looked over at my grumpy companion. "Just walk like a normal person."

"...What if it cuts my legs?"

He rolled his eyes. "It won't."

"You don't know that!"

He groaned. "For once, can you stop worrying?"

"Stop-? Well I'm sorry that I was thrown into a country I know only a little about, _during_ a Blight, nearly got killed and ran and ended up in _another_ place I know nothing about while also being told-" I looked around and hissed, "-I have super powers which I have to learn to control, but also hide, and I also have to fight and kill-" I took a deep breath and covered my mouth when the thoughts of those dead mercenaries crossed my mind again. Remembering the battle outside the gates, the first one where I'd seen actual people become our enemies, watched them bleed, die-

And just like that battle, Carver grabbed my wrist, yanking me out of my shock. "That's enough."

He pulled me to the side of an alleyway, making sure none of the other Lowtown residents were paying us much mind. As two obvious refugees, no one cared.

"So bad things happened, you can't keep thinking about them. In battle, if a soldier thinks too much, that could get them and their comrades, killed." When I didn't respond, he jerked my hand again. "Do you understand?"

I shook my head at the ground, feeling a wetness in my eyes.

He sighed and looked away, eyes darting over the crowd. "Look, let's just get to Uncle Gamlen's place. Then mother can take care of you." He muttered the last part, using his grip on my wrist to drag me back though the streets. Only when I pulled did he let go, making sure I was still following him.

Though I made sure to keep his feet in sight, my head still hung, and I couldn't lift it any higher than the ground. What did Carver know. He grew up fighting. He was a soldier! How could he ever understand how I feel?

Luckily enough, Aveline was outside the house, and so easy to spot once we got in range. Carver stopped and so did I, watching his boots as he turned to face me. "Well?"

I looked up to see his gesture into the open door, so I walked inside, taking in the interior. I remembered most of this, from the dirty wooden floors and clay walls to the oddly shaped fireplace near the back. 

Normally, I would have been worrying about the accommodations--and part of me was, way back in my mind--but most of my thoughts were still swirling from earlier. I couldn't get the thought of killing out of my mind.

Through the haze, I felt a soft, wrinkled hand touch mine. "What's wrong, dear?"

"I don't know," I heard from behind me, "All I did was talk to her, and she suddenly starts freaking out."

I tuned out the conversation and tried to make my way as far into the shabby house as I could. When the hand stopped me, I pulled out of its grip.

The back room of the place was much the same as the main one, with the only exception being the bunk beds holding sagging mattresses and threadbare blankets. After dropping my sack, I cautiously touched one, picking up the cloth to get a good look at all angles, and even brought it to my nose to sniff it. Satisfied the blanket wasn't carrying any detectable diseases or bugs, I wrapped it around my shoulders. It made me feel better, but my head was still exposed. I shifted the blanket up to hang over my head and wrap around my torso. Much better. I then found an adequately clean corner of the room, between the bed frames and the nearest wall, and squatted down, having to take off my swordstaff and toss it in front of me to do so.

I sat there for I don't know how long, just breathing and attempting to clear my mind. When a strong memory came, I tensed, clenching my blanket and knees. But the makeshift tent helped. It kept me warm, and safe.

Eventually, I heard more voices join those outside in the main room. I tried to tune them out and focus on myself. But when one of those voices started talking next to me, that was difficult.

"How long has she been like this?" a soft, high voice asked.

"Ever since she came back," a lower, but still sweet voice answered, "Longer than an hour."

Really? Huh. I hadn't noticed time passing so fast. Though at times I could have sworn night had already fallen.

"Has she said anything?"

"No, nothing. Bethany-"

"I know. Thank you, Mother."

I heard some bodies shifting, and one plopped down next to me. They didn't say anything for a while, which I was grateful for. Eventually, I heard, "Sabrina? Is it okay if I join you?"

She didn't say anything else, so I nodded. That seemed to be enough, since I heard scooting and then the voice was right next to me. "I'm going to touch your arm, is that okay?" I nodded again.

Slender fingers brushed against my upper arm, rubbing a small circle before settling. I felt a warmth from them, like the warm bath water feeling I had gotten before somewhere. It gave me something to focus on, so I turned my head towards it, even though the blanket still obscured my vision.

"May I wrap my arm around you?" I didn't see any reason why not, so I nodded again. The embrace was comforting, and the warmth spread more. I leaned into the person next to me, just letting myself be held.

I wasn't sure how much longer I stayed like that, but I heard other footsteps come and go, and I eventually smelled food, like some sort of stew.

When I shifted, the person next to me let me move, and I raised the blanket enough to peek out. Seeing Bethany next to me wasn't surprising. I waited for her to say something, but she just smiled and rubbed my arm. I sniffed some old snot away and hugged her. The blanket fell over both of our heads, but she didn't seem to mind.

"Do you want something to eat?" I nodded. "Would you like to come with me?" She nodded towards the opening to the main room, but I hesitated, fingering my blanket.

"You can take that with you," she assured me. I hesitated, but shook my head, slowly removing it and placing it on the bed. I felt better, but without the blanket, exposed.

Bethany caught on, I supposed, because she wrapped her arm around my shoulder, watching my face the whole time. I returned the side hug, and she gave me another kind look before leading me into the main room. We came out right next to the fireplace, where Mama Hawke was looking over a large pot of liquid. She smiled at us as soon as we came out.

"It's good to see you, Sabrina." I nodded my head vaguely, not feeling much up to talking. Thankfully, she let it drop. "The soup is ready," she called.

The Marian, her dog, and Uncle Gamlen appeared from the room I hadn't explored. Maybe another bedroom? Bethany and I sat down on a part of the floor with a worn rug. it looked nearly the same color as the floor at this point.

Calenhad loped over to me, sniffed my face, and gave a small whine before settling down on my other side, his head brushing my thigh. Marian sat down next to him after a, "Smells good, Mother."

Their Uncle snorted and settled on a chair just in my peripheral vision. "It smells serviceable. Don't go expecting anything too fancy on our budget."

Mama Hawke shushed him and began handing out filled wooden bowls. I took one, but just stared down into it. I was definitely some meat soup, with what looked like potato, but I couldn't quite place the smell. Fishy maybe? We were in a seaside city. I glanced discreetly around the room, watching as the other drank directly from their bowls. I looked down at my soup and began analyzing the size and number of the chunks floating in it. Eating without a spoon... doable. I meant to sip at it, but instead I ended up just watching the steam curl off it.

Only a few minutes later, the door opened, showing Carver and Aveline walking in.

"Sorry we're late," she apologized. "It's going to take some time to get used to these streets."

Gamlen grunted, but when I looked at him, he was busying himself with his food. Carver had probably left to explore with Aveline soon after dropping me off. I tried to feel some emotion, indignant anger, annoyance, or even shame, but everything felt dulled.

"That's quite all right. Come Aveline, Carver, the soup is ready." Mama Hawke got up and handed them each a bowl. They sat on the floor near us.

Seeing everyone eating, and Mama Hawke's worried look, I tentatively sipped at mine. It wasn't hot enough to burn, but I still only managed a small sip. The soup was just... so salty! I still continued to sip at it though, maybe out of some misogynistic desire to see if the next sip would be as bad as the last.

After a while, I drew some courage and brought a chunk of meat into my mouth. Yup. Couldn't mistake it for anything but fish. Odd to have it in a soup; it's texture was like soggy jerky. Did people make fish jerky? I pondered this as I captured another chunk, and realized it was not potato. It had a similar texture, but the flavour was different. I couldn't describe it, perhaps nuttier, but I did enjoy how it diluted the salt bomb which had exploded in my mouth.

Halfway through my bowl, Aveline spoke up. "Sabrina, how are you feeling?" She stared me eye to eye as I sipped at my meal, unwavering. Of course, of course she wouldn't be uncomfortable or intimidated so easily.

"Fine," I mumbled, surprised at how horse my voice was. I chewed on another root, enjoying the soft crunch on my teeth.

I pretended not to notice the silent communication going on between all the other people in the room; The heat I felt was probably the soup running down my throat.

No one tried to get any more out of me that night, and I just made sure I paid attention to the proper bed assignments.

I was going to be in the same room I had hidden in, the one with the set of triple bunk beds. Leandra and Marian would share one, the younger obviously offering her mother the bottom bunk. That left Bethany, Aveline and I to share the other, and I quickly offered to take the very top, to their surprise. I just didn't want anyone falling on top of me, should the frame not prove stable. Plus, they didn't have much room to sit up. The top afforded me such luxury, since it wasn't right against the roof.

After tugging off my boots, I climbed the rickety ladder carefully, and pulled myself onto the lumpy mattress before collapsing. The frame held, thank God. The mattress wasn't as consistent as I was used to, but at that moment, I didn't care about lumps. I pulled the blanket around me, fluffed the part near my head in an approximation of a pillow, and tried to sleep.

0-o-0

The next morning, I woke with the noise from everyone else waking. I tried to ignore it, and it worked, for a while. They stopped trying to get me up, and I heard them putting armor on and smelled the bland scent of hot cereal cooking.

I fell into a light doze, but awoke again when heavy footsteps came to a stop near the bed, followed by protesting and a lighter pair.

"Brother, she's having a hard time," someone hissed, "We only just got her to join us for dinner, you can't-"

"Look, she can't mope about forever. She has training today, and I'm not taking the blame if she doesn't show up. Wake up!"

I heard the other voice hissing at the man again, but he ignored it. "I know you're awake, get out of bed. You have training at midday, and if you want any pointers to keep from embarrassing yourself, and us, you'll get it in gear. We've only got a few hours until then."

He made a compelling argument. One which might have worked on someone who cared. I grunted, hoping it would be enough to get him to leave. No such luck though.

"Well? Are you- ow!" Pain? I barely peeked an eye open and scooted my head to look down at the ground. Bethany had Carver by the ear and was whispering something fierce to him. It was kind of funny to see him bent over by someone around my mother's height. What a difference half a foot could make.

I groaned and stretched my legs, realizing I felt heavier than usual. When I caught the twins' attention, I grunted again, trying to say I got the message, and waved a few fingers at them to tell them to get out.

"Ah, right, sorry for disturbing you," Bethany said, "Feel free to join us for breakfast, it will be ready soon."

Carver snorted. "You had better." He yelped as Bethany dragged him out of the room, still clutching his ear. I heard raucous laughter once they left, probably from Marian.

Groaning again, I tried to stretch completely, only to realize the beds were too short. Damn. Blearily, I sat up, felt for the ladder with my toes, and climbed down. I stopped just short of the floor and finagled my way onto the lowest bed, grabbing my boots once there. I slipped them on and set about tightening the straps and buckles.

I trod my way to the main room, still trying to stretch my arms above my head.

"Did you sleep in all your gear?" I looked towards the confounded question and noticed Aveline by the fireplace, bowl in hand. "Unbelievable," she muttered, then continued louder, "You ought to take that off before sleeping. It would be more comfortable."

I shrugged. Everything was uncomfortable now. She just sighed and patted the ground next to her.

"I'll help you straighten it out before you go."

"Thanks," I said, sitting down. I didn't want to go train. I would be alright if she never straightened the armor and I could go back to worrying about rain and driving and spring break.

I shivered as my body adjusted to the warmer temperature near the fire, and gratefully accepted the bowl handed to me.

Breakfast was bland, both the actual food and the conversation. I didn't join in, too exhausted, in every way, to actually care.

Aveline did help with my armor after we ate, making sure the buckles and ties were correctly placed and fastened on each piece. She had to undo and tighten some tie I had missed on the sides of my gambeson. They acted like a belt, cinching extra cloth around my waist. When I went to tighten my hair though, the tie snapped. I looked at it forlornly. There was no way I was going out there without putting my hair back.

"Here." Aveline held out a small leather strap. "This should do, for now." 

The strap itself was made of several smaller leather straps woven together to form something stronger. I took it with a quiet "thank you," testing the material between my hands. It wouldn't work like mine, but surely it wasn't too hard too tie hair back.

I tried several times to make it as tight as I needed, growing more frustrated with each attempt.

"Let me," Aveline offered, but I stubbornly shook my head. 

I finally took my hair, twirling it around a few times at the back of my head to make a messy bun before wrapping the strap around it and tying the end together. It wasn't very stable, but it was the best I was currently going to get. I heaved a sigh.

The Hawke siblings were already by the door, and though I meant to join them, I found I couldn't move. My stomach was churning, and I felt like the bland porridge was jumping on my duodenum. A firm hand fell on my shoulder, and I had to look up to see Aveline's freckled face.

"You'll do fine," she assured. "We'll all be here when you get back."

With her other hand, she held out my new weapon. "Don't forget this."

I stared at it for a few moments, debating running back to the room and hiding in my bunk. Instead, I took the swordstaff and carefully placed it in it's holster on my back.

Calenhad intercepted me on my way to the door, giving me a sad look with a whine, ears drooping.

"Now don't cry to her, you big baby," Marian said, a light tone not quite matching the tense set of her eyes, "You know why you can't come. Stay here with Mother, for now."

The hound whined again, nudging at my leg. I swallowed, despite my throat feeling smaller than usual, and squatted to give him a proper hug.

"Bye sweet puppy," I whispered. He leaned his head on my shoulder in a dog snuggle. That lent warmth to my heart, especially when I stood up and he pawed at me. "I know, I'll miss you. Be back soon okay?"

He looked at me, then back at Marian, and groaned, eyes pleading. I pet his head.

"We'll be back soon," Marian assured, "Let's go."

Reluctantly, I pulled away and followed the siblings back into the city, the door slam sounding too final.

0-o-0

The haze which followed me through the morning was only interrupted partway through weapon training. I remembered we had all walked through the city back to Athenril's original meeting place, where I had then been separated from the others. One of the other smugglers--an elven man, short, with unbelievably sharp features-- whose name I couldn't remember, had given me a rundown on how he was going to teach me. Simon? Silas? Usually, I was an excellent student, but I felt like everything was flowing around me instead of into my brain.

So when he stopped talking and demonstrating, asking me to draw my own weapon, I blanked. Heat crawled up my belly into my throat and on my tongue, preventing me from asking what I was suppose to be doing. The elf seemed to get the gist though, as he sighed.

"I knew you were a novice, but I thought you had at least held a weapon before."

I cleared my throat. "You mean, for actual combat? I mean, no one ever taught me the difference in... posture and grip and stuff..."

He lifted his head, topaz orange eyes narrowing. "Have you even been paying the slightest bit of attention?"

I tried to keep my expression under control, but shame settled heavy in my chest and couldn't help wrapping an arm around myself.

He scoffed. "Look, shem, I'm assigned to teach you. That means you pay attention, try the techniques, and leave, eventually, able to defend yourself."

Wait, he thought this was because of-? That wasn't right! 

"That's not-" but I couldn't continue. I wanted to correct him, but the words wouldn't come out. Stuck in my throat, I couldn't figure out a way to make them sound assuring, and not just like excuses. He didn't give me time anyway, waving his hand about.

"Don't care. Draw your weapon." This time, I did as I was told.

My instructor went through several sets, making me try them over and over as he corrected my grip, my stance, my body posture, and everything else he could think of. He demonstrated each technique with his own weapon, lithe muscles rippling under his tawny brown skin, looking infinitely more graceful than I did, I was sure.

By the time he finally let me go, my hands were sore. Though I couldn't see my hands through the gloves, a burning sensation flared up in the spots where I gripped my swordstaff. My muscles shook as well. Who knew it would take so much effort to do drill sets?

"That was adequate, for the first time." The elf walked over to an area with sharpening equipment. "But your endurance is pitiful. If you really want this to be worth your time, you'll train on your own. Run, lift cargo, build up your strength. I want you to do exercises that will work your muscles and your breath, alongside your drill sets. Understood?"

He adjusted the messy bun most of his wavy black hair was pulled into, giving me a good view of his long pierced ears. Now that I wasn't in such a haze, or concentrating on how much I hated physical activities, I noticed my instructor also had a short braid hanging by his left ear. When I saw the scar on the side of his lips stretch with his frown, I realized I had never answered his question.

"Yes."

"What was that?" 

"Uh, yes! Yes I'll, do my best. Find a partner to work with..."

"Fine, fine." He waved me off. "You're done for today. Go find Athenril. She's in the front room."

"Yeah. Bye." I left quickly and closed the door, heading through one open room to the front of the house. This training was going to be awful. I had always quit whatever sports my dad made me join, and for good reason. I hated them. Running myself into the ground for some vague goal of "winning" was never appealing for me. So you can run faster or kick a ball better than other people. Big deal. A squeezing feeling grasped my lungs, which I did my best to breathe around.

Athenril was waiting in the front room, just as my instructor had said. The Hawkes were not.

"So, Cyras is done with you, is he? Good, then you can start on your next task. The others are already on assignment."

She moved a couple sheets around on a nearby table while I contemplated if I should act more or less tired. One the one hand, being more tired might get me out of the job. But it might also make me seem incompetent, and she might make me train more. Decisions, decisions.

"Here." She grabbed a paper and offered it to me. "It's just a small part of a job, but we need intel on this man. Nathaniel Howe. Apparently he's talking to people he shouldn't be, and we can't get close enough. No one around here knows you, though. This is a list of places he's seen most often."

Several lines of text covered the paper. Text I couldn't read because apparently their alphabet consisted of symbols I had never seen. Heck, they might not even use it like an alphabet!

"Find him, and keep on him for a couple hours, or until you feel you would be too noticeable. Report back on what he's been up to. Easy, right?"

"Sure." I stared at the paper in barely veiled horror. Okay, okay, no, calm down. You can... you can find one of the Hawkes and get them to translate it! Yeah, just have to figure a way to do it without being suspicious.

"Memorize it." I lifted my head, eyes widening. "Well, you're not taking it with you. It may not be sensitive info, but if someone gets their hands on it, they will ask questions. Questions you will not be able to answer. So memorize the locations then head out."

I glanced back down and ran my eyes frantically over the symbols. There was no way I could memorize them all in time.

When Athenril began tapping her foot, I hastily handed the paper back, assuring her I was done. Before leaving the house, she gave me a brief description of the man, making sure I could identify him. With one final look at me, like she was waiting for some sort of reaction, she dismissed me. Outside the door, the briney sea smell greeted me, something I was still getting used to.

Sure I was doomed, I headed off into the city. I considered going back to the smugglers' hideout and asking for a few locations, but my own battered pride reared up. I had been useless thus far, just riding on the good graces and luck of the Hawke family.

I wasn't sure if I should even be here, trying to help with smuggler's work. Reading was a skill I had always treasured, and now it meant nothing. I was crap at learning other languages. Urgh, if I could find a way home, I could get out of everyone's hair.

I wandered the city for a time, trying to understand the layout of Lowtown. It felt like trying to remember the dirtiest, shittiest theme park layout in existence. Weren't the streets designed to confuse the slaves who used to be kept here? To keep them from rallying or getting organized; Something like that.

As I pondered how lost I could get, I turned a corner and ran smack into someone. A man, by the grunt. "I-I'm so sorry!" I sputtered. Briefly, I noticed I had wandered around to the area of the Hanged Man, the most popular tavern in the game, and a hub for party quests and information. I also noticed I could look right over the man's head to see it, because he was a dwarf. Probably why I didn't notice him in the first place.

"Don't worry about it," I heard the man chuckle.

The voice prompted me too look down, and I immediately froze.

"Though it's not usual for me to bump into humans that are still sober. Not around these parts."

Yup. It was him. A clean-shaven dwarf with light blonde hair, an unbuttoned tunic, and a heavy crossbow slung across his back. Varric Tethras.

"Of course, you don't look so good yourself," he continued, "Heading in for a drink?"

My gaze flickered to the building briefly, noticing, for the first time, an art piece which actually looked like a dead man swinging upside-down from a noose over the front doors. Fantastic.

When I turned back, he was scrutinizing me. "Are you new around here? I don't think I've seen you before." I tried to stutter some sort of response, which just made his smile grow. "Varric Tethras, at your service." He offered me a hand, which I took out of habit and shook. I then remembered I needed to give him my name. Oh god, that's right, I shouldn't be going by my real name. Wasn't that dangerous when you were trying to be undercover, or gossip, or whatever the hell my smuggler boss wanted me to do?

"I'm S- uh, Marie. Just, call me Marie. Please."

The dwarf raised an eyebrow at me, but didn't ask, though I got the feeling he could see right through me. At least he wasn't a mind reader. There was that.

"Why don't we head in, huh? My treat."

I was immediately suspicious, and it must have shown on my face. He chuckled again and shrugged. "What? Can't let a newcomer to our fair city go without an introduction to this fine drinking establishment here."

I managed a nod and squeaked out a "Thank you," which only amused him more.

As he held the door open for me, I wondered what the hell was happening.

The inside of the Hanged Man was much like I remembered from the game. Walls with bright, open windows and occasional graffiti from the rebellion stretched into a high ceiling. Roaring fireplaces keeping the place warm and well lit, alongside simple chandeliers and wall mounted lanterns. The warmth was welcome after the chill of January sea air. Or whatever they called their first month.

Varric headed straight for the bar, the waitress there turning to greet him before being called by another patron.

"Give us your finest ale, serah!"

The bartender rolled his eyes, though there was a small smile on his face as he went to retrieve said alcohol. Varric turned to me, one arm resting on the counter. He was just tall enough. A smile leaked onto my face, but I kept it under control and polite.

"So, what's your business here? Aside from escaping the Blight."

Wait, this was perfect! Varric knew everyone in the city, right? He could help me, I was sure. "I'm, actually looking for someone right now," I said, standing next to him.

He tilted his head. "And who might that be?"

The bartender interrupted us with the arrival of the drinks, so we each took ours, hesitantly on my part, and I followed the dwarf to a table near a fireplace. After I settled into a chair, and sighed at the warmth, I answered.

"Nathaniel Howe. He's about five feet ten inches tall, black hair, I think in his late twenties?"

He hummed. Since he seemed to be thinking, I took the time to sip at whatever was in the glass. It tasted like honeyed piss, but it was the first, actual, non-broth liquid I'd had in days, so I swallowed and took another sip.

"Now I'm not completely on the up and up with Ferelden nobility, but that sounds like the eldest child of the Rendon Howe." I nearly choked. Nobility? "The Blight seems an odd time for daddy dearest to call his eldest son back home."

My neck heated and guts clenched as Varric leaned towards me and lowered his voice. "So the question is, why is Athenril interested in him now?"

I could feel all the muscles in my face loosen in shock. I was surprised my mouth wasn't hanging open. Varric knew alright, but he knew way too much.

"How-?"

"I'm a professional." His smile looked harder now, his eyes boring into mine. "And you didn't answer my question."

I desperately shook my head. Dammit, I couldn't afford to be on poor terms with him. "I don't know," I whispered desperately, "I just learned about this like, an hour ago."

"Fresh off the ship, huh?" He pondered and took a gulp of his own drink.

My teeth tugged at the loose skin on my bottom lip, peeling some and causing a copper taste to enter my mouth. The salty tang brought back some memories I tried to suppress, hands shaking, as I took my own gulp of the nasty alcohol. I couldn't do this alone.

When I set the mug down, I looked him straight in the eye. "Please," I said, voice rougher and full of more emotion than I had intended, "I need your help."

He looked at me for a moment, swirling his alcohol around in his mug. "Well, when you ask like that, how can I say no? Let's go find tall, dark and gloomy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoooooboy. Writing sure is fun guys. I'm totally not tired, nope. But hey! We finally reached my all time favorite DA character OF ALL TIME (all tiiiiimmme). I think we can all agree on Varric's greatness. I love love love writing him, he's so fun, but he's also the one I worry about the most. I want to make sure I'm portraying him well.
> 
> So, as always, shout at me! I've been loving the comments, each and every one. Especially when y'all point out little tidbits you liked and/or noticed. So tell me what you thought, or give me predictions, or point out ways to improve. I love it all.
> 
> Next chapter: Looking for important characters Sabrina doesn't know! Saying things she shouldn't! And Varric being way more observant than Sabrina is counting on! Coming (probably) after Camp NaNoWriMo and I finish packing moving and unpacking!


	6. Unfamiliar Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabrina realizes there's a lot more to Thedas personage than the games portray. Or that she's seen, personally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Bioware makes awesome characters. I hope I do them justice.

Walking alongside my favorite character in the entire Dragon Age franchise should have been a dream come true. Well, it certainly felt like a dream, but more like one of those uncomfortable ones that I would get, and I wasn't sure why.

Varric was helping me out, finding this... Nathaniel. His family name, Howe, sounded familiar, but I couldn't put my finger one it. Maybe he was someone who offered a quest. That couldn't be right though, Nathaniel's family was in Ferelden, right? Out of the corner of my eye, I glanced at the dwarf I was walking with. He seemed perfectly content pointing out some of the more well known areas of Kirkwall as we passed them, including some shop stalls I would have to remember for later.

For now though, my mind kept running over what he had told me about my target. Nathaniel was apparently Ferelden nobility. Was that why I recognized the name? His family could be the one from the origins for a human character. That didn't seem right though. Besides, most of the members of that family were dead now. Some other noble dickbag had done that. Wait. Maybe that's who the Howes were? As I pondered it further, I became more certain I was right.

So, this was not the guy who had killed an entire family estate, but his son? What was his son doing here? I couldn't come up with anymore answers, so I let it go, hoping to figure it out as I spied on him, or whatever.

Shifting my attention back to Varric, I noticed us climbing up several flights of stairs, the ground and walls looking more well-kempt as we went up.

"Hightown?" I said aloud.

"Absolutely. You catch on quick for someone fresh off the boat." He grinned at me. "Or that's the reason Athenril picked you for this job."

I scratched at my arm and tried to smile back. "I don't know. How good should I-? Well, I don't think she expects much out of this. Hopefully." I gave a nervous laugh.

"She wouldn't have sent you if she wasn't expecting something." But his expression seemed to imply something else entirely as he furrowed his brow in thought, eyes trained ahead.

I looked around as we finally reached the top of the current set of stairs. The market we reached was open, spacious, and had plenty of air. People walking around were in the nicest clothes I'd seen, the fabrics still foreign, but nicer looking and better cared for. Even the people wearing them looked cleaner, and I mused that they must have private baths.

When Varric started moving again I stumbled after him, trying not to let him out of my sight. I was sure, given his line of work, that he could disappear into any crowd if he had to. Plus, he was short.

People that we walked past were not subtle in their disdain or scathing looks, though I tried my best to ignore them. Hey, I had made it through public school. Couldn't be much worse than that. My confidence grew at the thought, and I strode side-by-side with Varric.

"Here's a possible place," Varric announced. We were in another space that looked like it might have normally been wide open, though it now had a theatre stage constructed on one end. Many seats and benches filled the rest of the space, some mismatched, as they were likely brought by the people milling around.

He must have noticed all my staring, because he chuckled. "Kirkwall likes to go all out for Wintersend. Since it's a day for trade, and the city gets most of its business from travelers from all over the Waking Sea, and further."

"Oh," I said. "It looks... really interesting." I was flicking my eyes everywhere now, taking in the people running around in what I presumed to be costumes, or others carrying props. "So they put on plays."

Varric nodded, but then cocked his head. "Isn't that something they do in Ferelden? Granted, it may be on a smaller scale, but I thought even they would put on plays celebrating the Maker, and especially Andraste."

I tried not to wince. Ferelden culture was completely unfamiliar to me. Hell, I didn't know any holidays for Thedas, period. 

So I just nodded and said, "I've seen a couple plays, but my hometown was pretty small, you know? There wasn't anything fancy, it was just the local families putting something together with whatever we had." I was thinking of my church's children's Christmas plays, but close enough.

"Must be something for you to see all this, then." I was happy when he seemed to drop the subject, glancing around the area. "Well, see your man?"

Right, I had a mission. How had I gotten so distracted? I hadn't even been looking for the Howe when we walked through the Hightown market. I looked around the theatre area again, this time paying attention to the actual people rather than just what they were doing.

Granted, I didn't know who I was looking for, so I dithered on whether or not a couple men might be correct.

"I'm not entirely sure what he looks like," I admitted, "I only have Athenril's description." 

I hesitated when saying my boss' name. Varric seemed bitter towards her for some reason. This time though, he just made a noise of frustration. 

"Let's walk." I followed next to him as we started a leisurely pace around the open area. "I haven't seen much of him, but apparently it's more than you've got."

"It's not like I've got the same contacts you do," I muttered, pouting. "Sorry for being so new to the place."

He laughed again, though his eyes were back to being calculating. "Yet she sent you out anyway. Like I said before, she must see something in you."

I shook my head, frustrated. She knew I couldn't fight, and I hadn't proven anything during our trial run. What did she know about me? Really, only that I was a mage. Though I hadn't shown her any of those skills, either. Hmm.

We were both silent for a few minutes, scouting out the people around us while trying to stay out of the way. I did point out a couple candidates, though Varric shot them down, saying he'd seen them as well.

Eventually, we saw a small group of people whom I assumed to be knights by their armor. One of them stood apart, looking different for not just his choice of weapon--a bow and quiver of arrows slung across his back--but his appearance. Only a couple of the men had dark hair, and only one was a close match for Athenril's description.

"Varric-" I started, intending to point the man out.

"I see him." He stopped walking immediately, settling himself down on the decorative wall surrounding a tree bed next to us.

I sat down as well, awkwardly moving my swordstaff so it wouldn't hit the grass behind me point first. When I looked to Varric, he was already looking at me.

"What now?"

I paused, then shrugged a shoulder. "I'm just supposed to see what he does. I'm not sure what she's expecting to find out, but that means maybe nothing will happen?" I forced a breathy laugh. "Maybe she's just a huge gossip."

That got a grin from him. "I doubt that. I'll tell you what though, I know how you can pay me back." When I hummed, he continued. "For helping you find him. You'd think Athenril would know better than to send someone who never navigated the city."

"What would you like me to do then?" I asked, ignoring his comments on my new boss.

"Just tell me whatever you find out, alright?" He gave me a roguish smile, one I couldn't help returning. He looked so mischievous, it was funny!

"Sure," I agreed.

His eyes widened a little. "Just like that?"

I titled my head, scratching at an irritated spot. "I mean, you helped me out, so...?"

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Oh Marie, my friend." He reached an arm up to place on mine. "Might I make a suggestion?"

I nodded, now thoroughly confused.

"Get a new job."

I tried to hold it in, but some laughter escaped me regardless. My eyes felt like they were looking straight through him. "I don't think I'm allowed," I said in a half whisper.

His eyes held mine for a short time before he patted my arm and stepped back. "Then how about some advice instead? Don't go around trusting everyone you meet. This isn't your little town out in the middle of nowhere."

It probably wasn't his intention, but that only solidified what I had already known. Varric was as good a guy here as he was in the game. Here he was, probably a competitor to Athenril, and not only did he help me out, but he was worried for my safety. God, I loved this man. Well, he didn't have to worry too much. I wasn't planning to trust any one else but him and some of the other party members, even if he didn't know that.

I tried to harden my expression and let him see how seriously I was taking this. "I know. I'd like to think I'm a good judge of character, Varric." I let my lips curl up a little as I continued. "Just because I'm new, doesn't mean I'm stupid."

He chuckled. "Good to know. Well then, seems I'm done here. You can find me at the Hanged Man whenever you're done. The barkeep will know where to find me, if I'm not downstairs."

"Okay. Uh, thanks. Thank you."

"Thank you, Marie," he responded, giving me another look before leaving.

 _If I can keep my identity a secret from him longer than a year, it'll be a goddamn miracle._ I took a fortifying breath and settled myself down, ready to watch and listen.

0-o-0

I made my way back to Lowtown, more than ready to escape the elitist stares of upper Kirkwall. Though I had watched Nathaniel and the other knights for about an hour, he had soon left the area, and I was getting too hungry to follow him. Now that I thought about it, I hadn't eaten since breakfast, early in the morning, and the sun declared it was past noon.

The alcohol obviously didn't count. Actually, how did I not feel tipsy from it? Hmm, it must have been one just meant for drinking normally, with a low alcohol content. Since regular water was apparently unsafe.

I found my way to the Hanged Man easily, since it was fairly close to the Hightown staircases. I dithered a bit, slowing down as I neared the doors. I did need to tell Varric what I'd found out, I had promised. But I also didn't remember my way back to Athenril. The kind dwarf I was to speak to would probably be adamant on not going near her, and I understood that, but it left me with some trouble. Dammit.

Bracing myself, I entered the tavern, scanning the thin crowd for a dwarf. Varric was in a corner closer to the staircase this time, so I joined him.

"Finished already?" he asked as I sat down. "That was quick. Must've been something juicy."

I shook my head, but couldn't help my small smile. "Not really. I just, uh, I got hungry," I admitted.

He laughed. I flushed, embarrassed at leaving so quickly when I had clearly had a mission. Especially since more experienced people would have stuck it out and managed to learn something interesting.

"Well, at least I know where to go now?" I said, my desperation making my statement come out as more of a question. "I can always look for him again."

"I suppose so." He quieted and faced me more fully. "I'm guessing you're here to tell me what you heard. So?"

"Yeah. So from what I understand, Nathaniel is here with his knight, Ser Rodolphe, for the tourney." I'd been confused about that, but apparently there was an area just outside Kirkwall where some competitions would be held for Wintersend. Nathaniel wasn't a knight himself, but he served under one, and so accompanied him.

"Now, I wasn't able to hear everything, but, well... They did a lot of talking for people who said essentially nothing." I sighed.

"That's the upper class for you," Varric agreed, "Always ready to talk about anything, whether it means something or not."

I muffled a laugh. "Truth. Anyway, I did figure out one other thing. It might be just a noble thing but, you know how politics are." I scrunched my face in disgust, and though Varric was more subtle, I was sure I saw his nose wrinkle too. 

"Ser Rodolphe and Nathaniel hang out in the court of, umm, the Vael's! That's right. They hang out there a lot." Amusement spread on Varric's face. "Well I never said I was particularly eloquent. Get this though," I lowered my voice a bit, "They were... requested, to come here by a Vael family friend."

That seemed to get Varric's attention, and he leaned in a bit more, eyes now focused on mine. I couldn't help the smile spreading on my face. Gossip wasn't my usual thing, but interesting facts were. The Vaels were supposedly the ruling family of another city-state in the Free Marches: Starkhaven. Spitting out random bits of people's lives, people who had been in the background, or nonexistent, in Dragon Age II was like finding a whole bunch of world building canon I'd never heard. I was hooked.

"I didn't catch the friend's name, but I'm sure you know nobles with connections to the Vael's here." Seeing Varric's brow dip, I quickly continued. "Nathaniel himself seemed worried, but I think that was because of what's going on in Ferelden. And... that's all I got."

Varric took it all in, nodding to himself. "You know, I honestly wasn't sure whether you'd come back here." 

I blinked. "To... the Hanged Man?"

"You said you were too hungry to work, isn't that right? Might as well grab something here before you head out again."

My face fell. "Varric you know I don't have any money," I mumbled.

He scoffed. "What, she doesn't pay her lackeys now?"

I scratched the back of my neck. "'Fresh off the boat.' You said it yourself. She's... the reason I'm inside the city, instead of hanging in the Gallows." I paused then laughed as I realized what I had said. "That was an unintentional pun, I swear."

I calmed myself when I saw that he wasn't quite as amused as I was. "But, yes. I've only been here for like, a day? I told you that was my first job, right?"

He raised an eyebrow at that. "As a matter of fact, you didn't." He sighed. "I'd repeat my advice to you, but it seems this... skulking around is more than just a job."

I hummed in confirmation. He rubbed his chin in thought before motioning the waitress over.

"Well, then at least stick around for lunch today."

"Wait, I-"

"What can I get for you two?" the waitress asked.

"Varric!" The dwarf ignored me.

"Hey Norah, can you bring some ham and bread over here? And a drink for my lovely friend."

"Sure thing," she replied, taking the coins placed on the table. As soon as she was out of sight, I was seething.

"Varric, I can't pay you back." He waved me off.

"Think of it as thanks for the information then." I balked.

"But- No, that's why I came here in the first place! You were the one who helped me."

"By showing you where to go in Hightown? Lucky guess on my part. You could have run into him eventually."

"But-" I opened my mouth, even though I couldn't think of a way to argue my point.

"Marie, are you not hungry anymore?" My stomach answered that question for me, apparently grumbling loud enough for him to hear. "My point exactly."

"If you won't change your mind..." My seat held me as I slumped down.

"Not a chance."

"Then, thank you. Again."

The food was surprisingly pleasant. It reminded me a little of what I would have eaten at a New Year's party. We cut pieces of ham off the main hunk and ate them with our rolls of bread.

The sweet ale helped washed things down when they felt too salty or dry. The taste was still not something I was accustomed to, but I dealt with it. Though I did hope I wouldn't be here long enough to grow used to the flavor. _Maybe I should be thinking of ways to go home. Of course, that would require that I figure out how I got here._

My thoughts were constantly pushed to the back of my mind as Varric engaged me in conversation. The dwarven businessman didn't bring up the situation I was in, for which I was grateful.

Instead, we ended up discussing Kirkwall, and I got a lot more information on what the city was like, where I could find things, and how things worked around the city. I eagerly drank it up, something that Varric seemed pleased about.

In return, I told him some stories of my life before coming to Kirkwall. I had to be careful about what I said, and obviously I had to leave out a few details, but I enjoyed telling him about some of my life, even stories about my family. It didn't hurt as much thinking about them this way, and it only strengthened my resolve to get back to them.

"So, let me get this straight," Varric said. He looked at me over the top of his mug, the firelight dancing in his eyes. "You thought you could just break through the fence and walk home, without any help."

I laughed, feeling much lighter. "Yeah, I was a sneaky little devil. Give me some credit though! I knew where I was going, even that young." Wiping some tears from my eyes, I took another swig of my ale and noticed it was low. "Ah, no one expected it from me, not even my parents. My dad didn't even notice the tool missing until the caretaker returned it to him."

We laughed over it for a moment. My latest story to Varric was about my school escapades at the tender age of 5 years. Since chain link fences and modern schools didn't exist here, I edited the details.

"What was so bad about the place anyway?" he asked.

"Nothing really." I shrugged. "I just wanted to go home."

"What a troublemaker."

"Hey!"

"Don't deny it. You absolutely have that _'I'm so innocent, no one would suspect me'_ vibe, but I bet you like trouble more than you let on."

Laughing, I said, "You gotta watch for the quiet ones."

"I'll agree with that." Varric stood from his chair, prompting me to do the same. "Well, this has been fun. Any chance you'd like to do it again?"

I stared at him, dumbfounded for a few seconds. "Meet up? At- here? Um... sure." I bit my lip, wondering if I would have the time. I certainly hoped so. But I didn't know his schedule either, and the Hanged Man wasn't a place I would ever come to alone.

"No need to sound so enthused," he joked.

"No I am! I want to, come I mean. Um, when?"

He looked at me for a few moments, then shifted his weight to be more relaxed. "How about at the end of the day? Just come by any time, I'm usually here. And hey, you hear anything else interesting, we can discuss it over dinner, huh?" 

He said it in a light tone, but I could tell he was serious about the offer. If it were anyone else, at any other time, I probably would have been more wary. Instead, I just had one thought bouncing in my head. He was offering dinner for information. Free food. The chant sounded over and over in my mind, and I only realized I was being oddly quiet when he cleared his throat.

"Marie-"

"I think I love you." My eyes blew wide at my unintentional proclamation as I hurried to make sure he wouldn't take it the wrong way. "I mean yeah! Sure, sounds good. I'll uh-"

I trailed off at Varric's laughter, scratching at the back of my head. 

"I don't think I've had a reaction like that before," he chuckled, "Are you sure it's not the food you're enamored with?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

I snorted, though I could still feel the heat in my face and down my arms. "You caught me."

"So long as you're honest." He held out his hand. "See you around, Marie."

I took his hand and shook it, swallowing down my guilt about the fake name. "See you."

0-o-0

It was mid afternoon now, and there were a lot more people crowding the streets, especially as I got closer to the docks. I figured trade ships must have brought more wares. I wondered how many more refugees got through, if any.

Mama Hawke and Calenhad greeted me as I entered the house. I sat down and gave the dog some solid scratches along his neck, grinning as he tilted into it and nearly fell onto his side.

"I expect you're hungry, after all that," Mama Hawke offered. I tried to keep my expression neutral.

"Actually, I've already eaten. Thank you though."

"Hm. Good to see that smuggler will take decent care of you then."

I focused on Calenhad, rubbing his loose skin along the shoulders. "Actually, I ran into a really nice, uh, Kirkwaller today. He treated me to lunch."

"Is that so?" I didn't turn to look at her. "Then I'm just glad to find there are kind people here."

"Me too."

"Are the others done today?" I finally looked up to see Mama Hawke, noticing a bit of worry in her expression.

"Well, the twins were just giving a final report. I think they'll be here soon. I... don't know about Marian. Sorry."

Since I trained with Cyras, he took my report; he promised to do so whenever Athenril was busy.

"That's all right dear. Well, since you've already eaten, then would you help me with lunch? We can heat up the rest of that porridge, and I think there's still some meat here..."

I stood and watched her bustle around the small fire. When she moved to another area to look for meat, I added some logs to the fire and stoked it, glad for the extra warmth. Kirkwall wasn't as cold as Ferelden had been, nor was it as bad as being on the open sea, but the air was still very chilly, and I wasn't used to going without heat for so long.

The pot with porridge was sitting nearby, so I grabbed it, lifting with my legs, and put it back on the hook, swinging the pot over the fire to heat.

"Thank you," Leandra said. She came up behind me and added some dried meat to the porridge, stirring slowly. "There we go."

As I looked around and listened, I realized she and the hound were the only ones home. Gamlen was probably out gambling or at that prostitute house. However, it wasn't like the Ferelden redhead to up and leave. "Where's Aveline?"

"You know, she said she was going out to look for work. I had to assure her I would be perfectly fine here, especially during the middle of the day." She chuckled.

Since everything did appear to be in order, I let it go. After all, if it was a big deal, I was sure her children would talk to her about it.

"I guess she's going to talk to the guard or something," I wondered aloud.

"It seems so," Leandra affirmed. "It does suit her, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. That's close to what she did before, right?"

"I believe she was in the King's army," Leandra pointed out.

"Right. But she seems like a guard, you know? They protect people just, differently," I said, holding my hands out in a shrug.

Leandra hummed in agreement. Bethany and Carver came through the door not long after, and both settled down with their meat porridge.

"Sabrina? Aren't you going to eat?" Bethany was looking at me with worry in her eyes.

"Ah, actually I already ate."

"You finished everything in the time it took us to get here?" Carver questioned. "That's unlikely."

"No, I meant that I ate before I reported to Cyras."

Leandra jumped in with a smile on her face. "Yes, Sabrina was lucky enough to run into a kind man here in Kirkwall. He treated her to lunch."

"A man treated you to lunch?" Carver said, disbelief written all over his face. "No strings attached?"

"That's wonderful," Bethany cut in, "What was his name?"

I hesitated and chuckled to cover up my pause. Should they know about Varric already? Just seeing both the twins here, I knew the story was off track, but would talking about a future party member be too much? Bethany seemed to take my silence as something else though.

"It's alright if you can't remember. You've only met once after all."

I nodded and felt my shoulders slump in relief. Until I remembered something else, that was. "Actually, I think I should t- I need to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"Well... has anyone mentioned my name to Athenril?"

Both the twins paused, likely thinking back.

"I don't think so," Carver said, "Why?"

"I went by a different name today." I fidgeted then just blurted everything out. "When that guy I met today asked my name, I just kinda panicked, cause I didn't want my actual self getting caught up in this shady business you know, cause then people might come after you for things you did while smuggling, and, like-"

I took a deep breath and tried to get my thoughts in a coherent order when I saw both of the twins getting confused, Carver showing some irritation as well.

"What name did you go by?" Mama Hawke asked.

"Uh, Marie. It's actually my, my middle name." I shrugged.

"What's a middle name?" Bethany questioned. "You mean you have three names?"

"Yes." I said, my brows furrowing. "Don't you?"

"I thought only nobles had more than two names." Her hesitance caused Carver to speak up.

"No way. You're not a noble. You wouldn't be living here if you were."

"W- Of course I'm not." I hummed and rubbed my nose. "I guess there's really no need for more than one personal name. It's just, where I'm from, it's perfectly normal. Expected even. Though people don't usually use or even mention their middle names unless someone close to them asks."

The Hawkes all seemed to be thinking about the concept of having a hidden name. 

"Well, my point was, I'm probably going to go by the name Marie while I'm on the job. So if you could keep my first name to ourselves..."

They all agreed. Then Carver said, "Now that we're both here, and there's no more work for the day, we should get to your training."

I groaned in despair.

Training with the twins wasn't nearly as awkward as training with Cyras. I had known the Hawkes for over a month now, and been through terrifying situations with them in that time, so it was to be expected. We went out to the back of the house in a small alley to practice. Since I was still tired from my session earlier in the day, they went easy on me. That was, until they asked for run down of the critiques I had gotten. Carver was particularly adamant that I should work on my endurance, once he found out my trainer had complained about it.

It took both Bethany and I insisting that we should wait for the next day to start anything too rigorous to get him to agree, though he did still make me go through drills of sword strikes and blocks.

"If you're going to use a swordstaff, you need more upper body strength," he had said.

I was just glad when it was declared over and I could enter the house again, arms and abs burning from the training. It was when Aveline finally came back from her search, with "Nothing to report," that she finally asked what had probably been on everyone's minds.

"The new gear suits you," she said.

I looked down at all the armor I was still wearing. The thought of moving my arms around seemed like too much effort, so I left it. "Thanks. I guess."

"I meant to ask you about your old clothes, and I suppose I never got around to it again." Oh dear. "That symbol on the front of your shirt, what was it?"

I meant to hold her stare and lie to save my ass, but instead I felt a fluttering in my gut, panic in my mind, and I looked straight at the floor I was sitting on. I muttered something that might have been an answer, but it came out garbled.

"What was that?" I didn't repeat myself. It felt like disappointing my parents, something I was intimately familiar with. "Sabrina?"

I sighed. "It's not that important."

Aveline huffed. "If you don't want to talk about it, just say so."

"Well, I don't."

"Fine."

I felt increasingly more awkward in the room, so I left to the bedroom the women were using. I slumped down on the nearest bed, glad for a break to quiet my screaming leg muscles. Explaining my origins was out of the question. The only problem, how I would avoid it. Everyone was so damn curious.

Mama Hawke was the one to interrupt my thoughts. "Sabrina? I know you were, tired, yesterday. However, we do have a small tub here. If you're willing to help me fill it with water, Bethany said she would heat it."

Dirt and grime surely covered me by now. A bath was an excellent idea. I shook off my nervousness and nodded, following her to the front door. Aveline was engaged in a discussion with the recently returned Marian, so I tried to avoid looking at her. Mama Hawke and I each grabbed a large bucket before she gestured me out the door.

We didn't have to walk far for a water pump, thank God. I knew my muscles would hate me for this, but if carrying a full bucket of water was what it took to get something like a bath, I was going to do it, and damn the consequences. My arms really were shaking when we made it back to the house, and Mama Hawke had to open the door.

I concluded she was stronger than she looked. We both emptied our buckets into the small tub. It was partially filled, barely enough to sit in, but I knew I couldn't haul another. 

"One more should do it," the older woman said, "Or at least make for the bare minimum. I'll be right back sweetie."

I tried to stop her but she just hushed me and took both buckets, claiming her son to help her in the next round. I sat in the boys' room on a stool, awkwardly looking around. I could see a large sheaf of cloth nearby that they were probably going to hang over the entrance to give me privacy. I also saw a clean cloth hanging on a rung of the bunk bed's ladder, probably to dry off.

When they came back with two more buckets full of water, the tub was filled a bit more, probably enough to reach around my stomach when sitting. Then again, it was a small tub, barely large enough to sit cross legged in. My body would displace a good amount of water.

I thanked Mama Hawke, a bit embarrassed by her kindness and what I was going to do. She just smiled and assured me I would have privacy. Bethany came in shortly after, and showed me how she was going to use magic to heat the water. 

"It's a lot easier since the tub is metal, so it's rather like heating a pot." I managed a laugh at the comparison, though surprisingly she looked flustered. "Not that I'm suggesting a bath is like cooking, just, heating is... well..."

"I-it's fine," I said, chuckling, "I get it. So, does that mean you heat the tub rather than heating the water directly?"

"In a sense, though you should focus most of the energy on the water, this way, you don't have to worry about a wood tub catching fire. Using magic for more subtle manipulations can end with unintended consequences."

So magic was easier to use when the objective was straightforward. I nodded, filing that away for later. She had me try just a bit as well, stating that lightning was also heated, so I must have some affinity for warmer elements. My magic had become electrical twice, but calling it my affinity seemed premature. I did try what she suggested, and felt the water get a bit warmer, though I noticed it was difficult to change the temperature.

"Does that mean that trying to ice this water would also be difficult?" I asked.

"Yes, good question." Bethany was beaming. "Summoning ice from the Fade is different than trying to create it from the water here. Summoning elements pulls it directly from the Fade, already in that form. Changing the water temperature like this is attempting to use the Fade to manipulate a physical object, something that takes a lot more time, as reality tries to hold everything to its current form."

"Oh, that makes sense. So if I were summoning, er, rocks, that would be easier than trying to rip chunks of earth out of the ground in front of me?"

"Correct!"

Okay, so now some of those stupid sounding spells actually made some sense. It was conservation of energy. Good to know. Bethany finished when the water was lukewarm, and stood up.

"That should be good. Hey, do you need help getting out of your armor?"

I blinked and looked down at the different pieces I was wearing. It probably wouldn't be too hard to figure out but...

"Sure. Yes, please. I'm not used to how this works yet." I had only put it on once without assistance. And this morning, Aveline was the one who helped me straighten it out... 

I thought back to how I had basically snapped at her earlier and immediately felt guilty. She was asking questions anyone would have asked, and I shut her down so harshly because I was scared. Scared to come up with a lie or tell the truth. But that wasn't her fault. Aveline didn't know why I acted the way I did, and I shouldn't have taken my feelings out on her.

Bethany's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "Let's start with the gloves, okay?"

After hanging the cloth over the room entrance, she showed me how each piece of armor was connected, and soon I was just down to my regular clothes. Well, as normal as my new clothes could be. 

"And I'll tell my sister you wish to be called Marie at work," Bethany said. After setting some items on the nearby stool, she left to let me get started, closing the cloth curtain behind her.

I carefully removed the rest of my clothes and set them in a neat pile on the bed. Washing them would be nice, but they'd be wet and cold until the next day. A new set of clothes would allow me to switch back and forth. I sighed.

I sat down into the tub, glad that I was right about the water level coming up higher. I looked over at the stool and the items Bethany had left me. A crumbly looking soap and a small cloth. She was so sweet.

First, I had to change positions to get my hair wet, and after some finagling, just carefully knelt down and bowed my head almost upside down to dunk my scalp in. I scrubbed and felt tons of nastiness coming out, even if I couldn't see a difference. When my hair was soaked, I sat back down and reached for the cloth. I scrubbed my skin in the water, watching a lot of dirt come right off. The water was already looking murkier. I quickly grabbed the soap and scrubbed it over the cloth. I washed as thoroughly as I could, and though I was washing with dirty water, I still felt cleaner than I had in weeks.

My skin red from scrubbing and freckles reappearing from under the filth, I did my best to rinse. The soap was different than what I was used to, and didn't leave any moisturizing feeling behind. Right, wasn't it lye or something, made from campfire ashes and a plant root? I wasn't sure I remembered.

I left the little cloth hanging off the tub, wrung out my hair, and shook off as much water as I could before reaching for the "towel." I caught it in my fingertips and began toweling off my upper body. I didn't see any way out of stepping onto the floor, and cringed at the feel of dirty floor on my cleaner, wet feet.

I got dressed as quickly as I could, trying to keep clean and dry before putting on each piece. I wrapped my hair in the towel and left the armor off, just carrying it in my arms as I entered the main room.

"I'm finished," I said quietly when I noticed several eyes one me, one of which was an annoyed Gamlen.

"About time," he grumped. "Next time you decide to take an age to bathe, go to the public one near Hightown."

He pushed past me to get to the room for who knows what. With the earlier awkwardness about my clothes staunching my words, I hid in my shared bedroom and concentrated on drying my hair. I would talk to Aveline. Tomorrow.

0-o-0

The next day started much the same as the first. Simple breakfast, weapon training with Cyras, then get an assignment that required me to sit around and listen. Same for several days after that. Sometimes I would meet with Varric, depending on how interesting my spying session had been.

During the last part of the day, I would spend my time training with one or more of the Hawke siblings. Marian and Carver would have me work my body, from hand-to-hand combat to muscle toning, with various exercises. Those sessions had me almost crying from anxiety.

Bethany would always come to me at the end of the day and have me work on meditation and energy manipulation. So far I hadn't been able to produce anything tangible, but she assured me that she could feel shifts in the Veil, and I was getting closer.

"There's always a type of magic that comes easiest to a mage. A way that your aura naturally wants to flow, and a shape that is easiest for it to take. That's how father explained it. I've always found fire comes to me naturally. We just need to find yours."

Gamlen, as I suspected, was often out. I wasn't sure I ever wanted to run across him out in the city, considering what he was probably doing.

Aveline was also out of the house during the day, still trying to get work as a guard. From what I gathered, she was getting rebuffed due to her status as a Ferelden refugee. I wanted to head over the the barracks and punch someone, even though I knew it probably wouldn't have helped. Aveline seemed to appreciate the sentiment though. I still hadn't managed to find to words for an apology or explanation, but the longer I waited, the more unappealing speaking up seemed.

About two weeks later, Athenril gave me an unusual job. I had been to Hightown before, but never had I been told to infiltrate the Chantry.

"Simple, in-and-out. See if the target is in the area; Make sure you stay long enough to be positive. If he isn't, leave. If he is, see what information you can get."

I wasn't as sure as Athenril was, but I nodded regardless. "Who's the target?"

"A Chantry brother by the name of Sebastian. Tall, mid-twenties, light hair and eyes. I've been told he's an archer."

I took in all the information carefully. "Understood."

"Get going then."

Finding the Chantry's church was easy. I had been wandering around Hightown multiple times, and the church stood quite tall. As I walked through the courtyard leading up to the building, I calmed my breathing and settled my expression into something neutral, but soft and open. It was the same expression I had always felt when praying at my own church.

The door slid open easily, obviously well taken care of. Surprisingly, there was a sister that came scurrying out from a side door, a kind smile on her face.

"Weapons are to be left here, serah. You may pick it up when you leave." I handed over my swordstaff and watched her move back into the side room.

The entryway had a few large statues of women, each holding an incense burner. Red candles were scattered around their feet, bringing flickering light along with the sconces on the walls. The smell of burning herbs and candle smoke filled the entry hall.

I walked slowly towards the central area, keeping myself at a sedate pace and relaxing my muscles even more. I was a pious refugee come to pray. A huge bronze statue of Andraste stood before the back wall on the level above me, many candles sitting around her and light pouring in from some expensive looking stained glass windows. She stood solemnly, a sword in one hand, looking every inch an idol that the other statues attended. With her face pointed up, and the ceiling painted with the night sky, it looked as though she could ascend at any moment. I could see why many would seek comfort here. It was a magnificent sight.

When I finally tore my eyes away, I noticed there was nowhere to sit myself. Was I supposed to stand? Kneel on the floor? Neither option really appealed to me, so I was grateful when I noticed yet another Chantry sister waving me over from the upper level. I turned towards a set of stairs and made my way up, feeling butterflies in my stomach.

"Andraste's blessings upon you," she spoke quietly, "Are you here to pray?"

I lowered my hand in a slight bow and swallowed. "Yes, Sister."

When I raised my head, she was smiling at me and gestured to a set of cushions. "Please, stay as long as you like."

"Thank you." I bowed again and grabbed a plush blue cushion, ready to settle down for quite a while in prayer.

Kneeling down, I lowered my head, closed my eyes, and clasped my hands together near my chest. I tuned in my ears around me, making sure I could identify ambient sounds. It was quiet in the chantry, so I knew it would be easy to tell when others were walking in the area. Hopefully, the religious sect of town was just as willing to gossip as the rest of the citizens.

As I waited for anything interesting to come up, I pondered my own problems as well. I had been given plenty of time to think over the past few weeks, and my conclusions amounted to this. 

One, I was really here. There was no getting around it. This was nothing like a dream, and I couldn't keep holding on to the delusion that I could "wake up." 

Two, this world was nothing like the games. Okay, well, it technically was, but it was obviously more like real life, which meant, surprise, I could die. Since I really didn't want that, I knew I would have to try my hardest to stick with Hawke and make sure everything went smoothly.

And finally, three, I had no idea how to get home. Since I was dealing some alternate dimension or AU bullshit, I had to find a way to bust back to my world. Problem was, I had no idea how I had gotten here in the first place. My only clue was all those heat waves that happened before I flew out of my car. Could that have been a portal? Maybe that was how the Veil worked. 

Bethany had tried to explain it to me, but she had only ever had one teacher--her father--and it hadn't been his area of expertise. Which meant that at some point, I would need an unsuspicious way to access the Gallows and the Mages' Circle there. Good fucking luck to me. I knew it was improbable to have access now, but I really didn't want to wait a year and some months before the Hawke family had enough influence.

I took in a slow breath through my nose, held it, then slowly released it. Okay, no problem. Maybe, eventually, I would have some contacts that could help me with that. Until then-

Two pairs of footsteps broke me out of my thoughts. They were different than some of the individual sisters that had gone through the room before. One pair sounded similar, but stepped with more confidence and weight. The other came down heavier, so I assumed they weighed more. Could it be the man I was looking for? Peeking from beneath my lids, I shifted discreetly to better see the room from the corner of my eye. Two people appeared on the bottom floor, in front of the statue.

Looking through my lashes, I saw a tall, young man and and older woman walking side-by-side. The older woman I recognized to be the... what was she called? The Grand Cleric, I think. The man walking next to her was clearly my target, Sebastian. He wasn't wearing the typical robes, but his mainly white clothing still made him seem like a holy warrior.

They spoke softly, but some of their conversation still reached me. Most of it was typical stuff about their religion, like the Maker and other related topics. At one point, they debated what should be done about all the refugees that had been flooding in, a conversation I carefully filed away, despite the burning in my chest. Near the end of the conversation, a couple comments jumped out at me.

"Nathaniel has been asking about Ferelden as well," Sebastian said.

"You may tell him what we have told all the others who ask. I have heard little word from our sisters in Denerim, but Revered Mother Perpetua has informed me that the Grey Wardens are denied access to the country, by order of it's new regent."

"What is he thinking?"

"The best we can do is offer our prayers for those in harm's way."

"Yes, Your Grace."

"It is always good to talk with you, Sebastian."

"You as well, Your Grace."

I wanted to throw up. Offer prayers? Great, now how about you actually, I don't know, HELP some of the refugees? They could start with the ones in Kirkwall, maybe offer clothing, food, medical care, or start a donation campaign to benefit those in Darktown, the lowest and filthiest part of the city. But of course not. That would be too damn helpful. 

I took another deep breath to clear my thoughts. Well, I'd heard some interesting stuff. _Might as well meditate to calm my feelings before reporting back._

0-o-0

Athenril seemed intrigued, but not surprised at what I told her.

"Go back tomorrow as well. We'll see if there's anything else you might have missed." She took a few coins out of her pouch and handed them to me. "Good job."

I thanked her and took my coppers, already planning a meal with Varric. A small part of me wondered if I was taking too much advantage of the situation, but the thought of warm meat and bread quickly quieted that train of thought.

"I've also heard from Cyras that you're coming along in weapons training."

"Oh, I guess so. I still have a lot to learn, but he's a good teacher."

She raised an eyebrow. "Was that modesty or a lack of self-confidence?" She shook her head. "Doesn't matter. After this job is done, you're going out with one of your friends. As great as all this info is, I'm going to need you to start moving some cargo."

I agreed, my nerves pinching my voice and making it come out quieter than I'd intended. Honestly I'd rather just skulk around Kirkwall forever, let's do that. I left quickly after being dismissed, heading for the Hanged Man.

After the first several times reporting to Varric, I had wondered if I would ever be tracked. It wouldn't be good to get caught "selling" information, regardless of my intentions. But I figured Athenril probably wouldn't bother, and I always had the excuse of food. I kinda doubted many people in the Hanged Man gave a shit about what Varric and I did anyway. So until it blew up in my face, I would keep meeting him. And I did keep an eye out for potential followers anyway. After almost a month of practice doing it myself, I figured I was pretty good at spotting other followers.

Varric ordered us stew that day, and I was especially grateful. It seemed that Thedas followed similar weather patterns to Earth, or at least my area. February, or Guardian, was the coldest yet, with gloomy days, biting winds off the sea, and occasional bouts of snow and sleet.

Sleeping at the Hawke's house had become nigh unbearable, thanks to the fact that the windows were just holes in the wall. I honestly would have slept next to the fire if it wasn't in the main room, and I had even considered asking to share a bed for the body warmth.

Everyone had assured me it would warm up soon, whenever that meant.

"Cold, Marie?"

"Yes. Shut up, Varric."

He chuckled. "Alright, alright. You try to be comforting, and what do you get?"

"I only return the necessary amount of sass." I sniffed in false disdain and sipped at my food.

"Is that so? Then why the sudden need to cleanse your sins?"

"Huh?"

"A little birdie told me you went to the Chantry today."

...Okay, so maybe my casual persona could use work. "Seriously, who are these people?"

"I don't tell them about you, you know."

"Hm. Fair. I was there to find some Sebastian."

"Interesting." I shrugged, downing some more stew before answering.

"I guess. He knows Nathaniel."

"That doesn't surprise me. He was a part of the Vael family."

"What?"

"The Vaels, the ones Nathaniel and his knight 'hang out' with?"

"Oh. Wait, he's royalty?" I rubbed my forehead, muttering, "That explains so much."

"Not anymore. From what I've heard, he was... 'given' to the Chantry in order to keep sibling drama to a minimum. Considering what my brother and I get into, probably a smart move."

"Ugh. But a painful one."

"Maybe. What's got you so upset?"

"They- when you talk about Ferelden you kinda expect-" I couldn't even form a coherent sentence I was so mad. "Look, Ferelden is going through some bad shit right now. Just because I'm not there doesn't mean I don't care, or that I can't imagine it." I did have a game to work off of. Varric gestured for me to continue.

"But they just- prayers? That's all they really offered, all they're planning for. No seriously, the Grand Cleric said they 'couldn't do anything else' at the moment. What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I was whisper shouting at this point.

"The Grand Cleric, huh?"

"Yes, exactly! She, of all people, should have the power to, I dunno, start a charity or something. Isn't that the whole point? To help those more unfortunate than yourself?" I was shaking now, trying to hold myself together. "But not only, does she not give a fuck about Ferelden, she doesn't even have plans to help the refugees here in her own city."

I let out an irritated groan that came out more like a growl and grabbed my ale, downing several gulps without really tasting it. I sighed as I came back up for air. At least I no longer had the urge to scream.

"I guess it makes sense she was talking to formal royalty." I mumbled more about people in power while Varric was eerily silent. I finally looked up from my ale, and saw... pity? His eyebrows were slanted down at the corners, as well as his mouth.

"That's a pretty... interesting opinion to have of the Chantry," he said carefully. I snorted.

"Well, if you're all about peace and acceptance and whatever, call me stupid, but that should mean you're all for actually helping those that need help, not just hoping someone will come along that'll do it for you."

He smirked. "Some people would call that faith."

"Those people are wrong," I said, crossing my arms. 

Somehow Varric managed to look both amused and incredulous, mouth tilted up even as his brows climbed. "You won't find me arguing that. But I won't argue anything about the Chantry."

"Smart move."

"I've been known to have those." I laughed at him, needing some stress relief.

We discussed simpler things until I decided to head home. Home. I'd been living in Thedas for so long now, it was feeling less like a vacation gone wrong, and more like a permanent exile.

If I was going to make it back home, that meant information, which in turn, meant proper contacts. Perhaps it was time to get over my nervousness about the actual jobs I was going to do.

0-o-0

Aveline was the first one to learn about my "promotion" that day. Since I had been too nervous to tell Varric, I spilled my guts to Aveline. She was a good listener, I'd found. She always looked at me, made sounds to show she was listening, and only asked questions when I wasn't being clear. That made it a lot easier to talk to her about subjects like this. She seemed to always have a fair assessment.

"Well, that is part of why you were training, correct? Though I can see why the idea might bother you." She frowned. "Is this your first time being involved with something illegal?"

I rubbed both of my hands over my head, wondering if I could just curl up and disappear before next week. "On this scale? Yes. I mean, obviously as a kid you do small things here and there, and learn from them, but... No I've, I've never broken the law like this." I let out a heavy breath.

Aveline laid a hand on my upper arm. "Sabrina. I hope you know that none of us will think any less of you for it. Do you think badly of the Hawkes?"

"Of course not."

"There you have it. Besides, seeing you react like this, I think it's pretty clear you wouldn't be doing this if we had better options."

"Thanks, Aveline."

"It's not a problem. I know you'll make the right decisions."

I felt moisture build up in my eyes at the trust she was putting in me. A fire grew in my chest, and I hardened my resolve, right there, to act in a way that would make Aveline proud. Smuggler or not, I was going to stick to my morals.

"But um, I was wondering..." I coughed a little to cover my nervousness, though I'm sure it did nothing of the sort. Especially since my voice continued to get higher pitched. "Do you know how any of this works?"

"Smuggling?"

"Um, yeah. Or just, underground stuff, in general. I figure you must have run into it before..."

Her eyebrows raised. "Why would you think that?"

"You were a soldier." I blinked then furrowed my eyebrows. "Doesn't that- I mean, it's different than what guards do, but you can't have always been in epic battles."

She smiled a bit. "No, you're right. Sometimes I did have to deal with petty squabbles. But I didn't run into much as far as crime syndicates go. Usually it was just one of my men getting in over his head, and having to deal with the fallout."

I nodded, absorbing anything. Her face hardened as she spoke. "What I've learned from those experiences is this: know when to pull out. There's no shame in backing out of something that's likely to get you killed."

"Right, pride can kill. Got it."

"Good." Her eyes softened. "We're all here for you. We didn't abandon you in Ferelden, and we won't do so here."

I looked at the floor and tried to push back the moisture in my eyes. "Thanks."

Silence reminded me that I still had not apologized to her. A couple deep breaths helped steel my nerves and dry my eyes.

"And um... I'm sorry." She didn't say anything, but her eyes were still soft. "I still don't want to talk about it, but it's. It's not because of you or anything. Just-"

"It's fine, Sabrina." I bit at my lip, but she just smiled. "I understand. You don't have to speak of it if it's difficult. I-," she paused and sighed, then put a hand on my shoulder. "I should trust you. You're a good person."

To cover up the returning tears, I just laughed. "Thanks, Aveline." _I won't let you down._

0-o-0

The next day, I followed through on what the boss asked me to, heading up into Hightown after my weapons training and making a beeline for the Chantry. Slipping on my calm demeanor, I headed inside. It was just like the day before, quiet, with flickering lights and majestic statues. I handed my weapon off at the door and went for the upper level in the main area. Grabbing a cushion, I settled down at a good angle near Andraste's statue and waited.

Nothing happened for a good while; just the sun dancing on my hair, sisters walking through the room, and incense tickling at the inside of my nose. Then, I heard footsteps walking up behind me. I looked from beneath my lashes, noticing a woman also grabbing a cushion to kneel and pray near me.

After a few minutes, I paid her little attention, choosing to focus on my previous goal. It was only when another set of footsteps came to join her that I regained interest.

"Good afternoon, Lady Irma. Andraste's blessing on you," a young man said softly.

"Good afternoon, Brother Sebastian."

I nearly spun around right there, but managed to keep my muscles to only a twitch. Was this coincidence or some sort of cosmic interference bullshit? For now, I'd settle with convenient.

"How are you this day?"

"Well Brother, and yourself?"

"I am well, thank you."

They exchanged more pleasantries like this, and I began to grow bored of how her family was.

"I've heard that there was news from Ferelden?"

Sebastian was quiet for a few moments. "...No, I'm afraid it is much the same as before."

"Those poor folk, falling prey to such an evil. And no one willing to trade, or take messages. It's such a shame." She sighed, probably had a her eyes wide in sympathy and a pout on her lips. I wanted to punch her.

"Are you here to pray for them, Lady Irma? That is kind of you."

"Oh! Yes, of course. But for my uncle as well, you know. He's just had a hard time of it lately, what with his sons constantly bickering over his money."

Somebody please shut her up before I blow my cover yelling at this stuck up piece of trash. Deep breathing helped me tune her out, and once I was sure I wouldn't scream, I stood up and returned my cushion to its proper place. Tuning out the sound around me turned out to be a mistake, as I didn't notice the person next to me.

"Excuse me," I said after bumping them. White armor with bright gold accents filled my vision, and I was startled to see Sebastian's face above me. Their conversation was over already?

"It's alright. Please excuse me for surprising you. I didn't realize you were so deep in thought."

"It's fine," I murmured.

Up close, I was able to make out more details. He really did look like royalty, with his high cheekbones and startling arctic blue eyes. With the copper tint to his swept back hair, he perfectly fit his Scottish accent.

For a few moments, I felt my mind shut down and my blood rush to my face to compensate, until his conversations with the Grand Cleric and the noblewoman a few feet away smashed back into my consciousness. Disinterest was the only emotion I managed to conjure on my face to hide my anger. I turned away, ready to leave, but he stopped me.

"I don't believe I've seen you here before." Oh, really. Since I'd only been once before, I should have cut him some slack. But fire still burned through my veins. I let a large, ingenuine smile cross my face.

"Oh, no, I'm new here," I said, trying to sound polite. "Just came from Ferelden."

I only just resisted the urge to turn and watch "Lady Irma's" reaction. Not that I expected remorse, or even guilt, but I hoped she knew how bad it was to be caught out with that fake compassion. Sebastian, on the other hand, looked pained, his eyes pinched.

"You have my sympathy," he said.

A frown pulled at my lips, and it took great effort to keep them in place; muscles twitched for the effort. Sympathy. Again. No word of reinforcements, no offer for assistance in the city.

"I see." He seemed less than enthused at my response, but I couldn't find motivation to follow it up with a less flat tone. It was almost amusing to watch him flounder.

"Did you come with your family?"

"...Yes." There was no other answer I wanted to give. He didn't deserve my life story. But he did relax.

"The Maker must have guided you safely." Laughter bubbled up my throat, and a small titter managed to make it out of my throat.

"I'm pretty sure a mage is the reason we all survived." My mind was reeling--myself saving Carver and Flemeth rescuing our whole group--and suddenly everything was morbidly funny. His expression pushed a couple more laughs out of me, but I held them in my mouth, afraid they would push out tears with them.

"A... a mage...?" The furrowing of his brows brought me back to my situation. Telling this stranger any more about the situation would be disastrous. Shoving my smile flat, I managed to make my neutral face again. 

"The sentiment is... appreciated though." Other Andrastians would have felt something more, knowing their Maker was watching over them. But unlike them... "I actually managed to leave Lothering."

Shaking concern filled Sebastian's eyes, whether from apprehension at the news or my forced cheer, I wasn't sure. He cleared his throat.

"You come from Lothering?" I jerked my head down. "How i-?"

"It's gone."

Silence filled the room at my declaration. If I hadn't been certain of the noblewoman listening in before, she was now. It took a few moments to realize I was the one shaking and not the Chantry brother before me. A tense ache grabbed my throat, even as words came again.

"It's gone. Darkspawn overran the whole town. Everything is ashes, and corpses, and blood." I took a wavering breath to whisper a deep, "And no one... No one cares to help."

When a stray tear slid down my cheek, I turned away from him, lifted my head, and walked away.

"I'm sorry," I heard from behind me. But I was finished. No more spying on the Chantry. I would report to Athenril, then move on to my real jobs. At the rate the Chantry was going, I would probably be of more help to refugees than they were.

I held my head high, tear track displayed proudly, until I left Hightown.

0-o-0

The next few days I didn't have any official jobs. That didn't mean I was off the hook with training though, and in fact, it ramped up in difficulty and time spent. It also branched out to include more stealth, like hiding, running quietly, and sneaking around patrols. Athenril said it was to get me ready for the actual work, but I was sure she was just testing my limits. Cyras was tough on me during sparring, and whenever he was one of the "guards" I had to sneak around, he would never go easy on me, pointing out my position if I made even the slightest mistake.

Training with the Hawke siblings had helped my endurance, for sure, but now that they knew about me joining their jobs, their training seemed to intensify as well. Bethany worried about sending me into actual battles, while Carver just seemed annoyed I might slow them down. Marian took a diplomatic, if awkward approach to the whole thing, saying I wasn't going to get out of it, so they "might as well make sure she's ready."

The day before my new mission, I had a breakthrough. I had come back from training with the smugglers in the late afternoon, sorely missing the times I could spend with Varric. Not to mention the food.

That day, the two Hawke warriors were out, so Bethany decided to do different training.

"We're working on your magic today. If you're in a life or death situation, it'll be better to defend yourself, by any means necessary. That means being able to focus and control your magic. Those spontaneous bursts you've had so far aren't reliable, and can't be guaranteed to protect you."

Sighing internally, but nodding on the outside, I followed her to the boys' room. Gamlen was out as well, thank god. This area had more space than our room, since there was only one bunk bed. Bethany stopped across from me and took a relaxed stance.

"Now, watch how I pull energy through the Veil."

I paid close attention as she slowed her movements down. Her hand moved delicately, but with purpose, staying with the palm up and fingers slightly curved. She pulled towards herself before flicking her wrist out, heat gathering quickly before it burst into bright yellow flames. Her hand acted like a sconce, cradling the flames.

"Can you feel how the Veil is being manipulated to create this?"

I tried, I really did, but I just wasn't especially good at sensing it yet. At least, the not way she explained it. I figured it should feel like a significant difference to how the world felt normally, but all I could tell was that the fire was heating the air around her hand.

I shook my head. "Sorry."

She smiled and dampened the flames. "It's alright. It took me a while to tell when magic was being used, and years to get a proper sense of things. Let's just focus on what you can feel."

Nodding, I took my stance. Bethany had been showing me how to relax my muscles while standing, something she said would be important when first getting used to magic.

"Now, relax your mind, and feel around you. Not just what you see, or hear, but what you can feel in your very bones."

I tried to relax even more, staring blankly through her at the wall and almost tuning her voice out.

"Good. Feel the Veil, feel the power thrumming on the other side, and pull it to you."

A tingling sensation danced in my arms. Instead of brushing it off like usual, I focused on the feeling. The tingling continued and started on my scalp as well, feeling like little ants were crawling along it. I resisted the urge to scratch my head, and instead tried to "pull" in those areas.

A strong current rushed down through my head to my toes, and I moved almost on instinct to fling an arm out in front of me, fingers pointing in the same direction. A slight hum filled the air and my eyes widened as small arcs of electricity flew from me to a griffon statue in the corner of the room.

"Yes! Congratulations, Sabrina." I looked at Bethany, her smile wide across her face. "You've successfully channeled energy from the Fade."

I matched her smile and gently shook my hand out. It still felt a little numb, and I wondered if that would happen every time. Bethany looked to be pondering something now, bringing a foot up to tap her toes at the ground. "Lightning though, hmm. Makes sense. That is some of the first magic we saw you perform..."

She sighed and looked up at me with drooping eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't have any experience with that type of magic. It just isn't my strength." At my frown, she quickly continued. "I'll still help you as best I can, of course. Learning the basics will help in all of the fields of magic, and just having someone to practice with should make learning easier. I just won't be able to teach you some of the finer points of that element."

"Right, yeah, it's no problem. It's not like that's the only spell I'll learn anyway."

"Of course. Don't dismiss it though. That's three times that your magic has come out in that form. It means you have a strong penchant for it."

"You've said that before," I murmured. Odd, I thought, but whatever. There were worse elements. A fluttery feeling appeared in my stomach as I pondered the idea that I could learn something similar to Thunder Blade. My mind wandered, conjuring a daydream of me standing on the edge of a battlefield, wind blowing through my hair as I chanted the spell's incantation in a very Colonel Jade-esque voice.

Bethany cleared her throat; With a sheepish smile, I paid attention.

"Now, when you try again, remember where the feeling started."

We continued training until the others came home, during which I was able to successfully produce lightning four more times.

0-o-0

"You'll be with the older Hawke on this one," Athenril said, "Job is simple enough. Grab the items from our contact, Richard. Bring it back here without suspicion. Hawke, you're familiar with the man."

"I believe we've met."

"Good. You've been good to our operation. Show her the ropes." She looked at both of us, serious. "Don't let me down."

We nodded and headed out. Marian relaxed as we walked away, a sardonic smile growing.

"Charming woman, isn't she?"

I sighed even as I smiled back. "She's pretty straightforward. Doesn't beat around the bush." Marian gave me a raised eyebrow.

"So. I heard you've been getting better with your... talent."

I flicked my eyes around to check for listeners, but everyone seemed too cold to worry about anyone else's business.

"Bethany thinks so. I actually made some progress so, there's that."

"That good. I'm glad you're getting the hang of things."

"Thanks. Honestly though, I'm not sure whether I want to be getting better faster, or if I want it all to go away. You know?"

I felt a hand on my shoulder as we walked. Marian looked at me sympathetically. "I'm not sure I do, or that I can. What I do know is that your abilities don't determine who you are. Surely the others have told you something similar?"

They had, in their own way. None of them were going to desert me, not even Carver, I knew. I nodded. "Of course. I guess, it's not really that. Just... sometimes I want my old life back. And I don't know if I'll ever have it." My voice cut off at the end, too soft to even be a whisper. The hand on my shoulder squeezed.

"Do you regret coming to Kirkwall?"

My head snapped up. "No! No, I don't." And that was surprising, considering. But these people, I knew I could trust. Even if they couldn't get me home, I felt protected with them.

"Good." She gave one more squeeze before retracting her hand. "And remember, I did promise you that map."

That startled a laugh out of me. "I had forgotten about that. How big did you say it would be?"

"I don't believe I ever specified."

"Than I want something huge. An atlas, maybe." I gestured with my arms spread out wide.

"So demanding." But I saw the smile on her face. "First, I believe we have a job to do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't anyone tell me Varric wouldn't help out/get attached to an informant! He's that kinda guy! Funny enough, I had this headcanon about his character months ago. I thought, "This seems just like him, the softie." Then when my roommate started playing DA:I, Varric confirmed it! I just kinda "Ah?! I knew iiit!" Then slowly sunk down to the floor clutching my roommate's arm mumbling "I knew it," over and over, until she told me to let go because she couldn't play the game without both hands.
> 
> So, Bethany's little speech on magic is her own idea of how the Fade to physical world transition works. While close, my headcanon is more along the lines of mages summoning the IDEA from the Fade. The Fade, after all, does not contain ice just waiting to be summoned, and the dimension is always in flux. So what would actually happen, is mages are pulling on an idea, using the sheer transformative energy of the Fade, and shaping it into a "physical" form in the mortal realm.
> 
> But wow, I always forget how much moving furniture and junk takes out of me. Just... energy. What is that. Soooo this chapter might not be as polished? Lemme know if I missed something, or left a confusing scene. (Asking for spoilers doesn't count ;3) I really want to hear your thoughts on this one, since I'm not as comfortable with Sebastian.
> 
> Next chapter: Finishing a job that will definitely go super well and have no complications! More Varric! And other stuff!


	7. Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smuggling, magic, a new lifestyle... Sabrina has a lot to learn, but Varric is intent on learning some secrets of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Does Bioware get their stuff out on time? Because I sure don't.

"Where is Richard...?" Marian was discreetly searching the area for Athenril's contact.

"I don't see anyone," I said lowly.

"Let's wait. Just for a little while." I agreed, and we stood against a wall, trying not to appear uncomfortable. Marian was infinitely more successful than I was, though I hoped I at least looked bored.

Cool night air was blowing off to the direction of the docks, an occurrence Mama Hawke had called a land breeze. Not many people wandered the city once the sun started setting. The darkened streets belonged to thieves and smugglers; like us.

After ten long minutes of tense silence, Hawke spoke up. "This isn't right. I've never known him to be so late before..."

That only made me tense up more. "A trap?" I murmured. 

"Maybe. We'll wait a little longer. Keep your guard up."

A man did eventually walk into the area, but his cold smirk and Hawke's sudden need to grab her weapon got my heart pumping.

"I think them's the ones." Two more men followed him, both scruffy, each looking at us.

"I think you're right. Sorry girls, but it's just not your day."

Hawke whipped her weapon off her back, prompting me to do the same. It felt heavy in my hands, and I wondered if I could even swing it properly. My pulse was so loud in my ears, I barely heard the man in front call the charge.

One man pulled back and the last two went straight for each of us. While Hawke met her attacker with a battle cry, I was a little more dubious, letting him come to me.

I moved out of the way of the man, swiping at him with my swordstaff. Not with enough force, apparently, as he was able to block and redirect my strike easily.

"Don't hold back!" Hawke shouted, and I was sure she meant it for me.

A swipe of the man's sword had me agreeing mentally, and I kept my feet steady, watching for his next move. Dodging his next few swipes, I saw something off in his balance and thrust my weapon forward, embedding it in his shoulder.

He screeched in pain and I stumbled back, trying not to look at the blood. He started backing up, his grip on his sword faltering. I couldn't let him go, right? But seeing someone so unwilling to fight took the wind right out of my sails. I just couldn't chase him down and end him in cold blood.

I felt a pain in my side as I stood there and yelled in surprise, twitching away from whatever it was that hit me. The man who had been backing away took advantage of this, lunging forward again. I desperately dodged away, panic now coursing through me. I felt a tingling along my arms as I swiped out in a horizontal strike, and watched as my electrified blade collided with his sword, causing currents to run through his body and leave him almost paralyzed. He fell to his knees as the shock ended, and, running on adrenaline, I slashed down at his arms.

A sick cracking sound reached my ears as the man screamed, louder this time, and one of his hands flopped almost to the ground, hanging by only skin. Turning away, I saw Hawke appear out of the corner of my eye and silence him with a thrust through the chest. I didn't watch him fall to the ground, eyes flitting from his body to the ones Hawke left behind, never settling on the bloody messes.

I vaguely noticed that one of the men was grasping a crossbow in his still hands, and that it looked like one of his bolts was poking out of my side. That explained the earlier pain then.

"Let me look at it," Hawke demanded.

I carefully shifted my arm away from my side, wincing as it pulled some of the muscles there. Hawke hummed as she came around to look at a different angle.

"It doesn't look too bad. Let's sit you down." Once I was sitting on a nearby crate, she took out some bandages, a wineskin, and a small container. With one hand holding the bolt still, Hawke used a dagger from her belt to lop off the end. "We'll have to remove your gambeson."

It took a lot of hissing on my part, and apologies on Hawke's, but eventually we opened my armor coat to see the wound. The bolt had gone just barely into the skin, looking like it had only gotten through the gambeson due to its smaller head.

"Hold tight, I'm going to remove it."

I gritted my teeth and hissed as she drew the bolt through, glad that it had skimmed me rather than sticking straight into one of my organs. She then lifted my shirt to get a better look.

"Alright, good. This is going to sting a little, but we have to clean it." She put some of the diluted wine onto a cloth and dabbed it on my wound, making me groan.

"I know, I know. Almost done," Marian assured me.

When it stopped bleeding quite so much, she opened the small container, revealing a paste that smelled strongly of herbs. She spread some onto the wound, making me twitch at the chill and sting. It felt like a lotion Neosporin. She finished by carefully wrapping the wound, giving me the go ahead to pull my clothes back over the area.

"He got a lucky shot in," Marian said. "Anywhere else on your torso, a less powerful crossbow, and your armor would have stopped it from going so far."

"Yay," I said, lack of breath making it sound less sarcastic. She still cocked her hip as she stood up.

"It could have been much worse. You need to be more aware of your surroundings." At my lowered head, I saw her stance soften. "I know this is your first actual mission, but I'm only one person. I can't always protect you."

"I... I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Can you still fight?"

I stood, carefully moving my arm around. It hurt when I pulled the muscles in my side, so my fighting couldn't be too aggressive.

"I'll live. I'm not used to fighting with injuries though."

"Guess you get first hand experience." There was a crooked smile on her face. "Let's plan."

0-o-0

Arms limp, I followed after Hawke, not willing to let my weapon go, even though it made walking awkward. My partner for the night had decided that we should try to trace back the men that came after us. She thought they might have held up or killed the man we were supposed to meet.

Though she had initially been unsure where to look.

"We know what direction they came from, but aside from that, they could have started anywhere. There aren't any notes in their pockets either..."

I tried to look at parts of their bodies that wouldn't make me nauseous, though it seemed an exercise in futility. "They have weird clothes," I commented, half to distract myself.

"Really? What makes you say that?"

"Well, it doesn't look like they're mercenaries or anything."

She looked up at me from her crouched position. "That's true, but they could have been hired for a one-time job. Lots of the people in Lowtown are desperate."

"I know. But it's not that." I thought for a moment before placing what was bothering me. "Their clothes look similar to what I've seen people wearing at the docks."

Hawke perked up at this. "The docks? Worth a try."

And so we weaved our way through Lowtown. Luckily enough, we hadn't run into anyone else that wanted to fight. I knew that could change in an instant, and that thought kept my nerves on end.

"Nearly there," she murmured to me. "Once we arrive, we'll take a quick look around. If we don't find anything, we'll just have to report back without the goods."

I nodded tersely, and we descended back into silence. We checked around the docks, noting the boats were all moored, and cargo removed. Everything seemed to be sorted, at least by the ship it came from or where it was going. Nothing much stood out; no bodies, no blood or signs of a scuffle, and no shady people jumping out to kill us. It was, underwhelming.

"Nothing," Hawke whispered. "We're done here. We'll just have to see what Athenril wants to do next."

"Agreed. Let's go."

Despite the fact that we weren't attacked on our way back to the hideout, I felt like eyes were watching me all the way back.

0-o-0

"And there were no clues to lead you to those bastards? None?" Needless to say, Athenril was not happy about our job report. She stabbed a knife into her desk, heaving a few breaths. 

"Not that we saw. And we checked nearly the entirety of the docks." Hawke's calm voice was impressive to me. Our boss' anger was making my hands shake.

She sighed and let go of the knife. "So either Richard is dead, or he's defected. Shame. He was a good contact, too."

Leron, her right-hand man, stepped up then. "In that case, your work is done, for today. We'll let you know what we've decided on this matter tomorrow."

When they made no move to do anything else, Hawke spoke up. "We do still get paid, though?"

The elves shared a look before Athenril flicked her fingers at Leron. He reached into his own pouch and handed Hawke several coppers before stepping away again.

"This is it?" Hawke frowned at the miniscule pile of coins in her hand. "What about- Marie?" She stumbled a little over my name, but it looked like both of them attributed it to her anger.

"That's for both of you," the man said.

Athenril clarified with, "No goods, smaller pay. We have nothing to sell unless we get that cargo."

Hawke clenched her jaw, but at my look of dull acceptance, she said nothing else, pocketed the coins, and we both left the house.

"Looks like cabbage stew tomorrow," Hawke said, sounding annoyed, but heading towards something like depression. I couldn't stand that.

Besides, wasn't I going to hang out with Varric tomorrow? I had plenty to tell him from tonight. There was no reason for me to pocket any of the take.

"You keep it," I told Marian.

Her head jerked to me. "What? No, I can't do that."

"Please. It's fine."

"I'm not sure it is. What are you going to eat? You're not always around the house for lunch."

"Look, my take will make at least a little difference. You can get some roots or something, too."

"Hm. So I'll see you for midday meal, then?"

"Er, no?" I flinched at her steely stare. "I'm going to eat I promise. I... I have some money stored away. Besides, I didn't help much with the job anyway."

Marian's stare didn't abate. "I don't feel right, taking this from you." But I saw the way her hand lingered near the coins. It would really help the family if she could keep them.

"You're not taking them, I'm giving them to you. Just... think of it as thanks for saving my butt, if you have to."

She frowned, looking at my side. "Well, alright, I suppose."

I saw the frown leave her eyes, and considered that a victory.

0-o-0

Nathaniel was standing in front of me. How the hell did this happen? All I was doing was walking around Hightown, searching for... well him. While Athenril resolved the issue from the night before, I was supposed to do another spy mission, maybe talk to some of the people Nathaniel had been talking to as well, and see what he was digging for. I hadn't expected to literally run into him.

He was fairly tall, probably around Marian's height, and I estimated her around six feet. His eyes were a dark blue with grey bits, something I was only able to see because he was looking down at me in surprise. One tense moment later, and we were both stepping back and apologizing. This was bad; I wasn't supposed to make contact with him, but I couldn't be suspicious now that I had.

"I should have been paying attention, I'm truly sorry," he was saying.

"No no, it's my fault, too." I waved my hands back and forth. "Don't worry about it. I'm fine."

"Ah, well, before you go, might I ask you a question?"

I hesitated, but wasn't this the information I was supposed to get anyway? "Sure?"

"Well, have you come from Ferelden recently? I deeply apologize if that's not the case."

"Um, I have," I said, watching his face closely, "Why?"

"I have family there. Do you have any news from Ferelden? No one seems to be able to keep regular contact there..."

Ah. So he was worried about the other Howes. I guess they didn't bother to update him on the murders they committed. Even so, his eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes pleaded for any sort of yes; I couldn't help sympathizing.

"I'm, I'm sorry. I don't have any family there, so, no. I haven't heard anything."

His eyes widened. "I'm sorry, that was careless of me."

"Don't worry about it. I don't mean they were killed or anything."

"Ah. Good." He sighed. "Thank you for your help, anyway."

His entire body posture was slumped, and I felt my heart clench. There had to be someone in Ferelden that I could contact for him. Okay, messenger pigeons would find someone who stayed in one place easier, so none of the heroes of Ferelden. I didn't know many people in Denerim, at least, besides Loghain, but I wasn't gonna ask him.

I made a sound, and Nathaniel stopped to give me a questioning look. "Have you tried sending a letter to your family?"

"I have," he confirmed, "But I received no answer. I fear the worst."

"What part are they in?"

I saw him look slightly guilty as he answered, "Northern, in the arling of Amaranthine."

"They should be fine then. The Blight is coming up from the south. It won't reach the northern part for a long time."

"I appreciate the thought, but my father would be involved in repelling the horde. I suppose I just, worry."

"I see..." I fumbled over a few words, trying to think of something, anything to comfort him. "Why don't you ask Loghain?"

The startled and almost panicked look he gave me turned my mouth sour. My attempt at swallowing only left a thick lump in my throat, not helped as Nathaniel's eyes filled with suspicion.

"Why would you suggest that?"

_'I don't know!'_ my mind screamed, _'What a stupid thing to say!'_

But something even more idiotic decided to leave my mouth. "Doesn't your dad know him?" I heard myself say.

Nathaniel's body language was tense, like a coil spring. My own body felt light, like my soul had departed and was watching from a distance. I mumbled out some apologies and made to leave.

A rough hand grabbing me stopped me in my tracks. I flinched as the strain pulled at the wound in my side. "Let go." I couldn't move without pulling my arm out of my socket.

"What's your name?" His tone was harder than his grip.

"Nothing," I insisted, twisting my arm but not facing him.

"How do you know about my father?"

"I don't! I'm sorry!" Finally looking at him brought no comfort. Nathaniel's anguished brows over his stern, flat lips only made me feel guiltier.

When I blinked away moisture in my eyes, he let go. His mouth moved like he meant to say something, but I never gave him the chance. With a push from my still distant soul, my body flew across Hightown, dodging through crowds and down stairs until the Hanged Man came into sight.

Warm air spiced with ale, meat, and sweat welcomed me in, and I headed straight for a table in the back. Plopping down in the worn tavern seat, I felt a whoosh of breath escape me. My body felt like popsicles sticks moving around in a pile of jello. Too sensitive and delicate.

"That was some sigh." Varric stared from across the table, setting his drink aside as though preparing for a speech. "So, what have you been up to the past few days?"

"I don't know," I mumbled into my hands. A peek at his skeptical expression and, plaintively, I asked, "Drink?"

He ordered for me, steering clear of the topic until I had downed about half of the sweet ale. Another sigh passed through my lips, partly because of the situation I had put myself in, and partly because the ale cooled my throat. Licking my lips to catch stray drops, I began an explanation.

"So, first job I ever got?" I raised an eyebrow in question, and Varric scoffed.

"Tall, dark and broody?"

I nodded, a smile pulling at my mouth. "Right. I, uh... might have messed up."

Even though my sentence went quieter the more I spoke, I had no doubt Varric heard every word. His lowered brows cast shadows over his usually bright eyes.

"How?"

Only one word, but his voice was like heavy soil falling on a grave. My grave. Jesus. I tried to gently wave his unsaid worries down.

"Don't worry, just, I'm probably making this out to be worse than it is." What a load of horseshit that was. I was equally worried, but mainly for myself. "It's not like I spilled anything important, okay? Promise."

He hummed. "I'll judge that for myself. What happened?"

Sighs and alcohol shouldn't mix so often. A swig later, warmth settling in my stomach, and I was spilling out the whole debacle, starting from Athenril's oddly threatening briefing.

_"-And since you've already learned some of what he's up to, you might as well finish the job." Athenril cocked her head to the side. "Do you know what you're looking for?"_

_Taking a deep breath to slow my heartrate, I tried to sound like I knew what I was doing. "Nathaniel has been asking about Ferelden. As son to a powerful arl in Ferelden, especially since there's a Blight, it's not unusual. But... our client is worried he might attempt to travel there."_

_Even as my boss nodded, I felt lost. What was the ultimate goal? There were definitely things going on I was unaware of, and it made shivers crawl across my shoulders._

_"Make sure he isn't asking anything alarming. We have to tie up those... loose ends before you continue your other mission." Her tone had me quickly agreeing._

"Wait, what other mission?" I blinked at Varric's confusion for a moment before a metaphorical light switched on in my head.

"Right! Right," I said, scrubbing a hand over my face. "The reason I haven't been around much is I've been training to do... y'know. Actual smuggling. Yesterday was supposed to be my first real mission..."

"Let me guess, that didn't go well either."

"Ding, ding," I imitated a gameshow bell. "You are correct."

I gave him a quick rundown of that flop as well, leaving out my magic and other personal struggles. Varric nodded, eyes distant like he was absorbing everything. 

"And then she sends you to finish up your previous intel mission while you wait for her to clean up your mess from the trade-off." He chuckled, whether at my wince or a morbid sense of humor, I wasn't sure. "Not looking especially good for you right now."

Hot anger and shame rushed across my skin, leaving it flushed, and a deep frown carved across my face before I could stop it. I knew I wasn't doing well. I wasn't cut out for seedy, underground work. But my livelihood, as well as the Hawkes, depended on my ability to complete my tasks properly. The vision of Marian longing after a few coppers floated into my mind, making my heart ache.

"I know that," I said, but the shake in my voice was pathetic, so I focused on draining my mug instead of continuing.

"Alright, you still haven't gotten to the part where Ser Surly is a problem."

I snorted at his nickname. Varric waited, the picture of intrigued patience, with his arms folded over the table. My mind spiraled off for a moment, wondering if he had a tall chair, or if he had to stack up books on the seat to reach the table like I did. Ale no longer swirled in my mug, so I pushed it away and continued with my story.

After hesitating only once, when I had to reveal Nathaniel now knew I was informed on his lineage, I caught Varric up on my previous jobs. By the end, I was feeling warmer and calmer, something I knew was due in part to the alcohol.

"As you can tell," I said, head drooping, "I'm in sort of a pickle."

"You don't need me to tell you this," Varric said, "but you probably shouldn't follow him around anymore. Once someone knows you, that's it. Anonymity is the main thing that works in your favor."

I agreed in a despairing voice. "What do you think...?" My main fear was that my slip-up would reveal too much about me. It seemed silly, considering that I claimed to be from Ferelden and only the Hawkes knew the truth. But if I blurted out information now, so early, I could do it again, during a more critical moment.

"I think, you were right to begin with." Lifting my head, I saw Varric finally leaning back in his seat. "You messed up, but it's not as big a problem as you're worried about."

Rubbing at my face hid the relieved tears that were threatening to form, and I took an extra breath to calm down.

"Good," I said. "Great. Fantastic. Athenril will probably be angry but... I can deal. I guess."

Varric shrugged. "Mistakes happen. This one wasn't so bad, and you'll be more careful in the future, right?"

I made sure to look straight into his eyes while nodding, so he could see my conviction. Our conversation was halted for a few minutes when food came, and I discovered a tasty seafood stew. It was surprising to me how varied and tasty the tavern's food could be. Living so close to the sea was weird, since it was something I had wanted on Earth, but I wasn't going to ignore the opportunity for new food while I was here. Varric was the one to pick up the conversation while I was spooning food into my mouth.

"Speaking of mistakes," and was that ever a bad start to a conversation, "You'll have to be more careful out there."

"Yes, I know."

"No, I'm not talking about your own problems. I mean there have been some odd corpses found. One seemed burned up from the inside."

Broth tried to slip into my lungs with my gasp, and I ended up coughing, one hand over my mouth while the other gripped the table. Varric looked ready to get up but I shook my head. Several firm pats on my back normalized my breathing. Norah stood above me, looking concerned.

"You alright, sweetie?"

"Yes," I croaked, "Yes, thanks." Seemed I was doing more reassuring this week than I had for the past few months in my world. "Tried to inhale my food."

My smile worked, helping the waitress find her own. "Don't die for our food," she said, using the same joking tone, "It isn't that good."

"I'll be the judge of that."

She shook her head and moved on to deliver fresh mugs to the other tables. Varric had a lopsided smile on his face while I finished my last few coughs and wiped my mouth. While I was glad I was a clean eater, mistakes like the one I just made had me sorely missing napkins.

"Worried?" Varric teased. "There hasn't been any confirmation of magic but..." His shoulders shrugged is a way that implied no one needed official confirmation to believe.

"Er, no?" Words slowly fell off my tongue, and I tasted each one beforehand, trying not to say anything I shouldn't. I had done that enough today. "I mean, no confirmation... right?"

Varric scoffed. "Can't believe the official reports, you know. What else would burn someone up from the inside?"

"...Lightning?" I said, trying to shrink into my gambeson. He looked amused, but shook his head.

"Who's to say? Just... think before you fight, okay?" Exasperation, and maybe worry, tinged his tone, so I agreed with no more arguments.

Electrical magic had been coming easier to me, but it seemed it wasn't discreet enough. Bethany would have to teach me another form of magic. A deep groan shook my chest. I answered the unasked question in Varric's eyes.

"Be- the others- my family," I internally cursed myself as I tripped over the beginning of my sentence, cheeks still warm from the alcohol, "They're gonna want to train me after they hear that, and..."

My head thumped to the table.

"Sounds normal to me." I could hear the shrug in Varric's voice, so I picked my head up to give him a half-lidded glare.

"Not when one of them is a human dick-measuring contest."

His startled laughter was infectious, and I found myself releasing tension through my chuckles. Athenril wasn't going to be happy, but she never was. Even so, at that moment, I felt like I could survive the next few weeks on Varric's laughter alone.

0-o-0

Nighttime was, objectively, the easiest part of my day. All I had to do was clean up, eat, and go to sleep. Simple. The problem was falling asleep. Rarely had I laid awake at home, praying for sleep. Closing my eyes and drifting into dreams had always been a pleasure for me, something both relaxing and--depending on the dream--stimulating.

As the night crept slowly by, soft breathing filling the room, I realized sleep was out of my reach. I had rolled from my back, to my side, to my stomach, around and around, yet sleep eluded me. The ceiling, pitted from ages of use, provided a brief distraction as I traced out pictures with my eyes.

I knew why I couldn't fall asleep. Despite my anxiety over my new job, and wondering if Athenril would decide to 'take care of' me, I was more relaxed than I had been while traveling. It had taken some time, but I was used to my situation, if not happy with it. Physical exercise could only tire me out so much, and when I was stuck thinking, I needed familiarity to calm my thoughts. When I was in my home dimension, that had always been my favorite plush cat, Crystal. Now, I had nothing to squeeze, nothing that smelled like home, and no substitutes.

Keeping my steps and breathing soft, I crept out of bed and went out to the main room. Bethany sat in front of the hearth fire, her own small flame dancing in her hands. I hesitated in the doorframe, watching her practice until she looked up at me with a smile. I hesitantly sat down next to her as she snuffed the flame, fingers closing around it.

"What are you doing up?" she asked, voice low.

"Just... couldn't sleep." We stared at the fire for a while, taking comfort in each others' presence.

"Any reason why?"

"No," I whispered. "...Sort of. I was thinking. A lot. About what's happened."

Bethany hummed and turned to me. "Anything in particular? Or something I can help with?"

I considered several of the things that were keeping me awake. Talking about my need to hug something or someone while I slept was completely out of the question. I would live. One other thing, however, tickled at my throat until I finally whispered, "I need to know more magic."

"...Okay," she whispered back, nodding. "What do you need to know?"

"My- um, I heard some news today." The fire drew my gaze each time I tried to look at Bethany's concerned face. "I think it's only other smugglers and thieves that know, but they noticed... they noticed some people killed with magic."

A small hitch in the breathing to my left told me Bethany understood.

"So, we should be careful, right? But I don't have a lot of options, and I don't have as much experience in combat, with my sword or..." I trailed off.

"I understand." I finally looked over to see the younger woman with a hand to her chin, eyes narrowed in thought. "Elemental magic is my strength, but I did learn a spell from my father that would help immensely."

"Really? What?"

"It's glyph magic. The only one I ever mastered was a glyph of paralysis, but it would still be an advantage in battle."

"That's... perfect!" A smile stretched my cheeks, and a bouncy feeling spread through my limbs. I continued to whisper-yell, "Even a few seconds would be so helpful for fighting, or even running. And it leaves no trace right?" 

Bethany confirmed as I shifted in place, all tiredness gone. "I suppose you'd like to learn as soon as possible?"

"Yes, absolutely. Now I don't feel so bad that Athenril told me I was benched for a few days."

"Benched?"

"Er, so anyway, where would we start?"

0-o-0

Most of the next day was spent practicing glyphs with Bethany. Our smuggler boss must have liked her more than she did me, because Bethany came back early in the morning to say that she'd requested time off to train me. My head hit the pillow hard that night, and worn from intensive training, I fell asleep.

A soft rustling brought me to awareness. Colorful sky stretched out across the horizon around me, a blazing sunset on one side, dark indigo mountains on another, and flashing storm clouds rolled across the third. Above me was a beautiful display of the Milky Way coming into view as the sun set. Another rustle brought my attention to the ground I lay on. Sitting up, I saw pure white sand dunes covered the landscape, broken up only by small valleys filled with patches of soft brown grasses and yuccas.

White Sands National Monument. It was beautiful, as always.

Footsteps alerted me to another presence: a tall man walking up the dune I sat on. Describing him eluded me, as he shifted each time I blinked. He had a face that looked naturally curious, eyes placid and ready to absorb whatever information he came upon. As he scaled the side of the dune, his stance was relaxed, arms swinging idly at his sides as he leaned into the slope with each step. Every other feature was only consistent in its want to change. Even his clothes fluctuated, seeming more like an idea than an absolute.

No words were exchanged until he reached the top, hips canted as he looked down at me. "It is nice to see you," he said.

Information slammed into my mind, telling me I knew him. No, we were friends. _Of course,_ I thought, _It's a dream._ Relaxed at the revelation, I smiled and greeted the man who was my friend.

"I have been worried about you," he said. "It was... a very unusual fall you had, through the Veil."

I felt my eyebrows furrow. "Veil?"

"Yes. How have you been feeling?"

"Alright." No information came to my mind about the 'Veil'. Asking the man would be the most direct route, but he was already speaking.

"No one- how should I put this." He thought with fingers tapping at his leg. "Has anyone unsavory or suspicious come to you in your dreams?"

"...No?" I curled my legs closer to me. "I mean, I've had uncomfortable dreams but..."

Nightmares hadn't frightened me for years. I couldn't pinpoint an exact age, but sometime in middle school I had stopped having bad dreams. Some would make me unhappy, or attempt to scare me, but those I could usually change or ignore until a new dream took its place. Even the ones I couldn't alter were never enough to truly frighten me. The man nodded, and I got the sense he understood my unspoken message.

"Hey, what's your name?" He blinked in surprise. "I mean, we're friends, so I should know. But I need something to call you."

He hummed. "Do you not already?"

"Not that I know of. I mean, nothing comes to mind. Why?"

"I am Learning." The man's smile was indulgent, as though reminding me of a long forgotten inside joke. "Though you may call me Larry, as per usual."

It was my turn to blink. Larry was a being--a ghost or spirit, depending on my mood--whom I would blame strange happenings on. Moving glasses, slamming doors, and other weird phenomenon would usually be met with a sarcastic "Thanks Larry," or "That isn't funny Larry." It was a running joke between me and people I was close to.

He had never featured in my dreams, that I remembered, but I didn't mind it.

"Cool. What're you here for?" I got the sense Larry was either frustrated or incredulous by the way he ran a hand slowly over his face.

"We can jump right into business, I suppose." Folding his legs, he sat down beside me. "Dreams are going to be more hazardous now that you have such a connection to the Fade. I am glad it hasn't been a issue so far, but I want you to keep your guard up."

"Sounds... fine," I said, my words trickling out as I processed his. "Why is it dangerous? And how?"

He sighed through his nose. "I'm not sure I can explain, not while you have forgotten Thedas-"

"From Dragon Age?"

"Yes. Don't interrupt. You haven't brought your memories of the current situation with you this time. Regardless, you do have to remember what I tell you next." He stared at me, silent, until I agreed. "You have a wonderful way of dealing with bad situations while you dream. If someone ever asks you to make a deal, no matter who they are, no matter the conditions, do not accept."

"That's pretty obvious," I said, ignoring the talk about my memories for the moment.

"I'm sure it is, especially to your waking mind. Tricks are easier here, however. I wish to make sure you will be vigilant."

"If it makes you feel better." I shoved him playfully with my shoulder. "I promise not to sell my soul to Satan."

He snorted, a sound out of place with his formal way of speaking. "Good enough, for now. Our time grows short. I shall see you again soon, Sabrina."

Rough shaking woke me up; My eyes flew open to Carver. "Get up," he demanded before walking out of the bedroom.

As my dream started trickling out of my head, I desperately grasped onto a few key details. I had met a friend. They said I was in danger. Don't summon Satan.

"Are you up yet?" Carver yelled from the main room.

"Easier said than done," I muttered bitterly to myself.

0-o-0

A few days after my failure of a first mission, Leron had a verdict for us. "Our previous contact, Richard, is dead. We will no longer speak of him."

Okay, that wasn't ominous. Athenril's absence was odd, too...

"We have a lead on where the deserter might be, here." Leron handed Marian a paper. "This is the woman you need to talk to, she'll give you more information. Because this will likely devolve into a fight, we are sending your brother as well."

Carver chose that moment to walk into the room. Convenient.

"We don't suspect there will be many men there. Regardless, we can't have people opposing our operation. Eliminate anyone who stands against you."

"And those who are neutral?" Marian asked.

The elf snorted. "Not likely to find those. You can try to convince them to keep quiet and out of the way, but if they rebuild because of your actions, you take responsibility."

They stared each other down for a few moments, neither flinching. "We'll take that chance, if it presents itself."

"Fine. So long as you remember what you're there for."

"We will," Carver assured.

"Then you're dismissed."

Once outside, Carver turned to his older sister. "Do you really think we'll find anyone willing to back down so easily?"

"Perhaps not," Marian said, "But it doesn't hurt to ask. Who knows what we'll come across."

"A bunch of thieves, likely," Carver said, scoffing.

"You forget that, currently, we're 'a bunch of thieves' too, dear brother."

I giggled, which only increased Carver's consternation. "That doesn't mean I have to like it."

"Like it or not, it's good to face the truth," I inserted.

"There you go!" Marian said cheerfully.

Carver just grunted at us, adding to our mirth. We made our way to the docks fairly quickly, Marian saying that the woman we needed to talk to would be near a cart of fish.

"Remember, it's still daylight, so we shouldn't cause a scene." Carver and I agreed with her. The woman was about middle aged, red hair greying and hands worn from working. "Excuse me, are you Grizel?"

The fishmonger looked us over, one by one. Her stare was disconcerting, especially since she lingered on our weapons. "Who's asking?"

"The Hawkes."

Even as my eyes widened, I looked straight at the stones beneath us, hoping the older woman wouldn't notice. Why would Marian would introduce us in that way? Perhaps I had been... accepted as part of the family. Or maybe it was just to stop from arousing the woman's suspicions. Even so, it made something warm and fuzzy settle in my stomach, easily chasing away the butterflies.

"I see," the redheaded woman said, "Then why don't you pick up some supplies for me. Check around the store house there." She pointed at a building not too far away, with shoddily boarded windows. "Check the back."

"Thank you," Marian said.

The building looked nearly abandoned, or would have, had it not been for the signs of people entering. There were scuffs where the door had been opened and closed, and it looked like the window blocks themselves were able to be moved liked shutters.

"So, anyone else think we should go in quiet?" I whispered.

"Agreed," Carver said, making me do a double take. "We need all the advantage we can get."

So, Marian opened the door slowly. We winced at the slight scraping sound it made, but so far, no one had popped out to stab us. We took that as a good sign and entered, closing the door behind us.

As we took our first few steps in, I noticed something odd about the floor. It looked... uneven. Now, it wasn't as though Lowtown houses were generally in the best shape, but they were better near the docks, especially since they were usually flattened out by the sheer amount of traffic the area got. So seeing some almost square shaped pieces on the floor, almost like panels-

I gasped and reached for Marian, grabbing at her arms. "Stop-!" I hissed, but I dragged her back too late.

There was a clicking sound as she stumbled back, before an explosion of gas filled the area. We all covered our mouths, Marian motioning with her free hand to continue into the base.

Though we moved quickly, the gas was already making me dizzy, the ground before me swirling. We made it into the next room before we encountered warriors.

"Well, would you look at that." There were a couple men just entering the room from the other end, both dressed in dock-workers' clothes, but with armor padding clear underneath. Carver closed the door behind us, but some of the gas was still seeping through cracks. "Looks like someone thought it was a bright idea to walk right into our base here."

The other man snickered, dirty beard twisting up near the mouth. "Let's teach 'em a lesson." They drew their weapons, prompting us to do the same, though mine wasn't very steady. I was sure I heard one of the men snicker at my slight wobble. "Ooh, that's what you get for walking in uninvited," he reprimanded.

"Surely it's not all that bad." I glanced at Marian. Her grip was tight on her sword, but her posture and expression oozed confidence. "I realize we didn't give you any time to prepare a nice tea before we dropped in, but we're not picky guests, I promise."

Judging by how the men were scowling and tensing, neither of them took to Marian's humor. We couldn't talk ourselves out of a fight.

Marian and Carver both charged in, faces tightened in concentration and anger. Both seemed to be fighting off the effects of the poison; maybe they hadn't inhaled as much. Damn tall people.

Since both of the thieves seemed occupied--and they were going to die, though I tried not to think about that--I decided to try one of my newer techniques. Breathing as Bethany taught me, I raised my hands to about shoulder level, spreading them out and feeling the power flowing through the room. Pointing my swordstaff at the closest man, I built the power within me and connected it to the Veil I had felt in the room. Electricity sparked along my arms.

"Move, Marian!" She dodged back; The man was too slow to realize what was going on. 

A bolt shot along my weapon and arced right to the thief, causing him to shutter and writhe in silent pain as his weapon dropped to the floor. He fell to his knees as the electricity stopped, skin steaming and eyes rolling back as he collapsed completely.

The other man fighting Carver was still going strong, and seemed to have gotten more aggressive as his comrade fell. "Damn mages!" he shouted.

His anger made him sloppy though, and he missed a strike, Carver taking advantage with an upward sweep. As the man stumbled back in pain, Marian swooped in and finished him off with a piercing blow.

"I had him," Carver huffed.

"Sorry brother, but we need to do this quick." She slid the body off her blade and flicked some excess blood to the floor. "Let's go."

We headed further in, my mind processing the deaths in the back, but focused on the mission in the front. Somehow, I was already getting used to the kills, or at least, it was only tormenting my subconscious.

As we made our way to the next room, we saw various crates and other storage units in a couple corners. A table sat along the far edge, papers scattered across it. Likely where those two men were before they heard us trip the trap.

Marian seemed to think the same as she beelined for the table. Carver looked through several crates, appearing uninterested in the contents he found.

"Not much here," Marian confirmed. "I can't find anything about the shipment we were supposed to pick up. Either they have it further in, or they aren't responsible."

"Let's hope they have it, or Athenril will have our heads," Carver grumbled.

The next room was the biggest we'd seen, and filled with men. They noticed us immediately and stood from their spots at what looked liked a dining table.

"Intruders!" one shouted. Yes, very observant. Fortunately for us, there were boxes in the area that slowed their advancement, giving me time to pull on the Veil again. I breathed, in and out, in and out, finding what I needed and pushing on the power again. 

Light glowed in front of us in a large circle, slowly drawing out a glyph. This was something I still had some trouble with. My magic just didn't want to apply itself to the floor, but it would even the playing field for us, and that was desperately needed since we were facing around six men.

Just as they reached us, I finished my spell, slowing all of the men that stepped onto it.

"Kill the mage!"

Marian and Carver stood in front of me, taking out the first two men with no problem. My glyph faded then, leaving us with four more men to take out. I watched as two of them retreated further away, pulling out bows. The long healed injury in my side twinged in phantom pain, and I decided to take care of them first.

Ducking behind some taller crates, I tried to sneak around the edges of the room, avoiding both the main fight in the middle and the eyes of the archers. Once I got close enough, I concentrated and shot a bolt at the nearest archers, causing him to cry out and twitch, his arrow falling from his grasp.

His buddy noticed and aimed at me, but I ducked back behind my crate, heart beating rapidly as I heard a metal weapon being pulled from its sheath. Damn, had one of them decided on melee?

After peeking around and seeing the second archer advancing towards my place, long dagger in hand, I summoned a simple ball of magic and sent it flying at him, clipping his shoulder. He shouted what must have been a curse at me, but it was strangled in anger.

I still had a few more seconds before I was ready to charge another shot of electricity. Bethany had explained that it was a strain on the body and soul to pull on one element, and that it took practice to build up that sort of durability.

Until then, I would need to use my swordstaff. I pulled it up just in time, the man coming around the crate and swinging at me. I managed to block his swing, pushing his long dagger off to the side. It became apparent after a couple of missed swings of my own that he was faster than I was, and the only reason he hadn't hit me yet was because I had better reach.

When I felt electricity building up in me again, I channeled it through my weapon, my next strike against his dagger burning his hands and making him partially collapse. Adrenaline had me stabbing into his chest, afraid he would come back to hurt me once I passed him.

Checking the body only briefly, I stepped over him and continued to the first archer. He was recovered, though his movements weren't especially smooth. He shot an arrow into the main fray before noticing me.

I ran up quickly, before he could notch another arrow and swung at him. He tried to block with his bow, which barely held under my swing. Without thinking, I continued into another slice and caught him in the side, my blade biting in deep. I finished with a thrust to his torso while he was still gurgling.

Looking over at the others, I saw they were finished and making their way to me.

"Finished them both off?" Carver asked.

I nodded, lips pressed tight to keep my thoughts inside.

"Good job," Hawke said. "Let's check the back."

We both followed her into what was likely the last room of the building, my feet dragging and all my muscles still tense.

The last room also had a large table, filled with small crates and more papers.

"Check for our box, I'll go through the papers." Carver and I agreed with her, then began rifling through the materials.

I checked numerous boxes, none of them filled with things I would want, like weapons and armor, until I came across something different. A few smaller boxes were carrying spices. From the smell, they were something exotic. My mouth watered at the thought of having some different spices on my food.

Kirkwall's Lowtown food had a certain taste, and considering our budget, we didn't get many spices. It was far different from what I was used to on Earth, especially the areas where I usually spent time. From spiced Chinese to rich Mexican food, not to mention the greasy American fast food everywhere, I just wasn't used to being restricted to one type of food for so long. Pizza was something I was sure I was having withdrawals for.

A noise of triumph from Marian distracted me from my thoughts of Earth. She held up a piece of paper. It looked to be a letter, from the arrangement, but I still couldn't read a word of it.

"Looks like it's here, somewhere. Let's try these few behind the desk."

Sure enough, we found the shipment of lyrium in a box hidden behind several crates of gauntlets and boots.

"Guess we should bring this back with us," Carver said. He picked it up and carted it back into the other room.

"That all?" I asked Marian.

"Athenril will probably want us to raid the place for more of this," she waved her hand over the boxes, "Especially since we cleared it out. For now, let's just make sure it doesn't smell like rotting carcass when we come back."

I paled, but followed her to where the bodies lay. I watched how she would drag one to a large tarp from the wall before heading to another body. I tried to bring one over as well, grunting at the weight as well as the blood still dripping from the chest area. The work was over soon and I stood by a wall, trying to breath in fresh air.

When they were going the move the two I had killed, Varric's warning flashed through my head. Shit, I had meant to be more careful this time.

"A-ah, um." I scrubbed the back of my head nervously as the Hawke warriors turned to face me. "We should probably... dispose of the bodies that I killed."

"While it never hurts to be cautious," Marian started, "Why, specifically, the ones you killed?"

"I killed them with magic? It's, kind of obvious."

Carver looked down at the man with burned hands. "I suppose it is." He frowned. "We haven't really been doing that for Bethany either. Though, we thought it wouldn't be too noticeable, since she isn't throwing fireballs around..."

"Good thinking," Marian said, nodding at me. "Let's do this quick."

They grabbed the two men with signs of magic on them and carried them to the front. They dropped both of them into a big crate and sealed it.

"There's not many places to put them," Carver said. "Even dumping them in the ocean, they might just come back."

"Wouldn't that be a surprise for the fishermen," Marian said wryly.

"So, is there anywhere people put trash?" I asked. "Maybe we could dump them in a, well, dumping ground."

Marian thought, chin in her hand, but it was Carver who spoke up. "I have seen several people dumping things in a large shaft not far outside the docks. It all looked like junk. Let's try there."

"Seems like the best option we have, at the moment," Marian said. "Though I hate to carry two bodies all the way over there."

"I mean, the only way to avoid that would be to chop off the burnt parts of their bodies..." I hated myself for saying it, but it had to be said. The Hawkes' expressions mirrored the twisted expression I could feel on my own face.

"I'd rather just carry them, whole body," Carver said.

"I... have to agree. At least this time." Marian sighed. "We can dump the other bodies in the back alley. Someone will come by for them... I hope."

I waited in the front room while they went back to dump the tarp of bodies into the alley. With that settled, they came back and set about picking up the crate with the other two men inside. I peeked out one of the windows, then the door, giving the all clear.

We walked out with no one watching us, and headed to dump the bodies. Joy of all joys. Athenril had better be damn pleased by all the shit we got her.

She was pleased, at least, as happy as I ever saw her. She paid up more than usual, and told us we could begin moving materials as soon as we were ready. We all agreed to start on it the next day.

0-o-0

"I've heard interesting things about you lately. That in itself is interesting, considering I usually don't hear much about you at all."

Hunger was the only thing that kept my fingers moving meat to my mouth. My eyes, however, remained unflinchingly still, centered on Varric's face.

"...What kinds of things?"

"Oh, the usual. Some Ferelden refugees are running around Kirkwall causing havoc for the poor local smugglers. And... some of them appear to have been killed with magic. Now, you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

Poker was never an interest of mine, but as I struggled to keep a stoic face, I wished it had been. I opened my mouth to deny his claim before he cut me off.

"Don't lie to me. I have it on very good authority that you and two others were the ones dumping those bodies."

Blood drained from my face so fast I was surprised I didn't pass out. "Shit." Varric hummed knowingly.

"Honestly, it's none of my business. But what is my business is knowing what my ah, partners are getting into."

Partner? What a strong word. If he was serious, that meant he was wholly dedicated to our odd food-for-info exchange. He leaned forward and lowered his voice.

"So, if you're running around with apostates, I need to know."

"For safety?" I muttered.

"Mine and yours." His eyes looked genuine enough, and hadn't he earned my trust by now? Not only did I know him from the game, but my personal experience with him had shown him to be unwaveringly loyal.

I took a deep breath, lowering my voice more than his, and looked him straight in the eye. "I don't 'run around' with apostates. I... I am the apostate."

His face was close enough to give me a perfect view of his micro expressions. I watched shock pass through first, followed by incredulity, before he tried to wipe his expression clean. His eyebrows were still lowered as he studied my own face.

"If certain people get hold of that information, they could hold it above your head. Make you do things you might not want, or suffer the consequences. Why tell me?"

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face as all my muscles relaxed. "You said it yourself: we're partners. Besides, I don't think you'd ask me that if you were planning on double crossing me." I giggled. "You'd just try to reassure me that you'd never do something like that."

"Sharp as always." He let out a breath. "This does make things more difficult though."

I snorted. "For you maybe. A secret is a heavy burden."

"Where's your sympathy?" he lamented.

"Must have left it back in Ferelden." We laughed a little before Varric got serious.

"In all seriousness, this does change things. I don't have the resources to keep you from the eyes of everyone in Kirkwall."

"I know. And I wouldn't... wouldn't want you to. I mean, yes, but I don't want you getting in trouble."

He followed that with a hearty laugh. "Me? In trouble? Madam, you wound me."

I laughed as well. "Sorry, forgot who I was talking to."

"What are you going to do about all that attention? I take it Athenril knows about your little perk?"

"Yeah. It's how I ended up working for her in the first place." I rubbed my forehead. I had been using magic as a sort of crutch recently. "I guess I'll just have to be more careful... maybe learn different spells, if I plan to use them at all."

"Sounds reasonable. Just... be careful."

"Only 'cause you asked," I said, a lopsided smile on my face. 

"Well, I guess we've covered what I meant to say in the first place. So long as you're going to be more careful-" I nodded vigorously, "-Then my work here is done."

"I guess I should get going. It was nice to see you."

"Always a pleasure, Marie."

0-o-0

When Marian, Carver, and I went to the thieves' hideout that evening, it was with a cart Leron had graciously let us borrow. And by graciously, I mean he kept a glare on us and threatened that should we let anything happen to it or the new cargo, that he'd do worse than dock our pay.

I wanted to punch his pretty sea grey eyes through his skull, but we just left, Carver toting the cart.

"Why am I doing this anyway?" he asked.

"Aren't you farm boy strong?" Carver grumbled at the shit eating grin I gave him, but surprisingly, didn't protest anymore.

The journey was uneventful, and while the bodies we had dumped in the ally were, in fact, gone, the building looked untouched. I felt a twinge of disappointment at the city guards' failure to investigate properly, until I reminded myself that their failings were currently to my benefit. While loading up, I managed to convince the siblings to allow me to take some handfuls of the spices.

"C'mon," I said, "We could never afford this, and you know it."

"All the more reason we shouldn't have it," Hawke argued.

"Would you listen to yourself? We can't have this because we're too poor? It's right here!" I shook the sack for emphasis.

Carver looked unsure, like he was wavering. "Isn't that stealing?"

"From who?" I snorted. "From Athenril? From the people we murdered?" I had to swallow down my thoughts on that. "The dead don't need it, and Athenril won't miss it. We're not taking the whole sack."

That convinced Carver, and Marian just sighed. "I... suppose. Don't make a habit out of it."

"'Course not! This isn't just to sell anyway, it's useful. Think of it like, a moral boost for your mouth!"

Carver scoffed at that, a smile on his face. Even Marian grinned a little, so I took that as my queue to separate some of each spice into the little pouches I'd brought.

Food was going to get so much better, at least, for a while.

0-o-0

It was weird to have Varric in on my secret. One day he even asked what sort of magic I was using that had made the deaths so obvious. 

"Because let's be honest," he said, "No one would bat an eye if it looked like weapons or poison, and they couldn't cause the sort of damage found."

"You don't know?"

"My job does not consist of cleaning Kirkwall's streets. That's for the guards to do."

"That's so mean," I said, laughing.

"It's just the truth. Come on, do I have to guess? It has to be fire, right? Too many burned bodies and no fires?" He raised an eyebrow like it was an obvious conclusion.

"Nope. So nobody reported exactly what the bodies looked like? That's some shit reporting." Worked in my favor though. After all, I was a lot more careful using my magic, so snoops would have a much harder time determining which bodies had been killed with "unnatural" skills.

"You're telling me." He snorted. I could tell he was getting impatient though, so I smiled. 

"I suppose, if you really don't know..." I laughed when he threw his hands up. "Okay, okay. Electricity."

"What?"

"Like lightning?"

"Oh. I didn't peg you for the stormy type." He smirked. "Shocking."

"Oh please, Varric." I rolled my eyes while holding back laughter. "You're just lucky I like you."

"I suppose so. Still, I just can't see you getting so angry."

I had to laugh at that. "Yeah, no one really can. I guess I'm just a naturally chill person." I shrugged at his raised eyebrow.

"I thought you said you used lightning."

"What? I do."

"Then why did you just say you're 'chill?'"

I couldn't help blushing at that. "That- it's just slang." Both his eyebrows were climbing up now. "Short language? Chill means that I'm calm, or relaxed."

"You sure have a lot of sayings I've never heard, even from other Fereldens," he said, shaking his head. I just scratched my nose.

"Yup. That's me. Weird phrases." I laughed uncomfortably.

"...Right." Ugh, the look he was giving me made my stomach clench, guilt weighing down my insides. 

But I had already spilled one secret, right? Right. Even so, I was glad when he seemed to let it go, leaning back in his chair.

"Speaking of which, I've never heard any of your phrases in the merchant's guild either." Or maybe he was just stabbing from a different angle.

"What do you mean?" I asked, eyebrows furrowing, "Of course not. You know I don't hang out with them."

"I suppose I do. But then, you must 'hang out' with a lot of dwarves somewhere, or you did until recently."

I blinked. "I'm completely lost." Where was this coming from? What would make him think I had ever spent a lot of time around dwarves?

Varric just shook his head at me. "Did you think I wouldn't notice? You've got a dwarven accent."

"Huh? I do?" I thought over what I usually talked like, but couldn't find anything that might connect the two. "Are you sure? I don't think I've even called one person a nug-humper before."

He guffawed. "I would pay good money to see that."

I smiled back. "Find me someone I can get angry at." I thought of the kind of people I usually got mad at, and immediately retracted my statement. "Nevermind. I sound dwarven? Really?"

"It's less in terms of your... 'slang,' and more in the way you pronounce words." He really did pay attention to details. I was impressed.

Of course, that got me thinking on the local accents. I had noticed that the people here in Kirkwall had a slightly different British accent than Aveline and the Hawkes. I wasn't sure how to describe it, but the way they emphasized words and the lilts in their sentences were different. Especially in Lowtown, people tended to curve their sentences up at the end. The dwarves though... Varric was right. I hadn't run into very many, but the few I had did not have anything I considered to be an 'accent.' Did that mean my brain heard them as American? Granted, it was a different world with different cultures and geography, so they probably weren't directly comparable.

My short companion must have noticed the conclusion I came to. "You see?" he said, "Of course, it looks like you didn't notice it yourself."

"I really didn't. This is just the way... well, my family and friends talked. For the most part."

"Yet you lived in the middle of nowhere? I think my brother would have mentioned a town right on top of Orzammar."

"It wasn't." I fidgeted under his stare. He was really determined tonight. 

I wasn't a very talkative person normally, and getting nervous only made me quieter. Roaming the tavern with my eyes, I spotted Norah cleaning a nearby table. The waitress was always kind to Varric, and by extension, me. I got the feeling she liked the fact that we respected her personal space and bothered to thank her for her work. Not that I could have done anything else. Working in both food and retail, you sympathized deeply with everyone else in a similar position. I wondered if she would help distract Varric if I looked distressed.

A cough from said dwarf caught my attention, and I made the mistake of looking at him. Never had I seen his eyes so intense. Maybe he'd finally gotten tired of wrestling small tidbits of info from me.

"I..." My mind pulled up images of my family, Ellen, my pets. I felt the world quiet down around me, like my awareness was pulling further into my head, or my soul was fading. I hadn't been able to figure out any way to get back, not even a hint of how to contact them. Resources weren't an option either, because I had no books, and wouldn't be able to read them anyways. I was just stuck here, doing work that made me more anxious than ever, and going 'home' to a place that didn't make it much better.

Feeling a hand on my arm, I looked up to see Varric's blurry face. Which was odd, considering he was closer now. Ah, I was tearing up. Since I wasn't in the mood to draw interest from drunks, I swiped the tears away before they could fall.

Now that I got a clear look at his face, I saw Varric had his mouth twisted down and his eyes looking me over. Despite his obvious care, he was also shuffling and aimlessly moving his free hand, like he wasn't sure what action to actually take.

Seeing that, I couldn't help but chuckle in the back of my throat. He really was awkward when it came to comforting. When he started to pull away, I panicked and blurted, "My home is really far away."

It had the intended effect. Varric stayed where he was, one hand still on my arm, though he looked more surprised. When his mouth opened I continued, not letting him speak.

"It wasn't in Ferelden... It, it was- is really far. And everyone in my country, well not everyone of course, it spans pretty far and there are regional-" I cleared my throat as his brows furrowed and got back on track. "Well, nearly everyone speaks with an accent like mine."

As if to prove me wrong, the many people who had accents from learning both English and another language came to mind, but I shoved the thought away. No reason to confuse Varric right now, and I wasn't sure how many people in Thedas bothered learning multiple languages.

The Orlesians had French accents, but did they actually speak French, or the Orlesian equivalent? Who knew?

Varric's near silent hum brought my attention back. "Not from Ferelden, huh?" He patted my arm awkwardly, and when I gave him a reassuring, if watery, smile, he moved back to his own seat.

"Lucky that you managed to leave when you did, then." I agreed fervently. "Now, what you were doing there is none of my business," he continued, and I stiffened at his implications, "But why would you flee here as a refugee? Why not continue home? Wherever that may be."

I opened my mouth a couple times, but wordless sighs were the only things I could get out. Finally I said, "You know I don't have any money. I was going to go home before... before I ran straight into the Blight..."

"Wait wait wait." Varric immediately leaned across the table. "You actually ran into Darkspawn? And survived? Your story gets more intriguing," he said, chuckling.

"It wasn't heroic, or anything," I protested, "I just, ran. And got super lucky."

"How so?" His excited smile made my heart jump.

"I... my family. My new family," I said, feeling a flush creep up my neck from my heart, "They rescued me. They were running from Lothering, and when we met we kinda ended up traveling together."

"Really?" Varric tapped a finger on the table. "I suppose even people with ah, perks need help getting away from the Blight."

"I guess. I'm not very good, so, I wouldn't know." I lifted my shoulders in a shrug. "I did help out a bit but..."

"But...?" Varric prompted as I made fish motions with my mouth. A nervous chuckle preceded my words.

"I probably should have realized that not everyone in the group would take to me being a mage. I just, I didn't know," I said, feelings edging into exasperation and defeat, "I used my magic without realizing it, and he-"

I closed my eyes, trying not to think of Ser Wesley's last moments. His accusations didn't bother me, not anymore, and I knew that the Darkspawn taint was not something that I could ever hope to fix. Still.

"Not everyone made it," I mumbled. "I only managed to save one person."

"That's one more that wouldn't be here, without you."

I sniffed back some lingering snot and returned Varric's small smile. He was right, of course. I knew, logically, I did the best I could at the time. I couldn't get discouraged with my slow progress learning magic. Most mages in Thedas discovered their gift as children. Catching up would require dedication on my part.

"Thanks, Varric."

"No problem." He was leaning back in his seat now, smile growing. "So, are you going to tell me all about your new family, or do I have to buy you another drink?"

Incredulous laughter burst out of my throat, shaking me as I leaned on the table, but I didn't decline the fresh mugs Norah placed down. There were still so many secrets I needed to keep. But... Ostagar, Lothering, the Hawke family, these I could tell.

"Right," I said, after a solid swig, "So this actually starts with the story, the real story, of Ostagar."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hhhheeyyyyy. Long time, no see...? Hm. I guess it hasn't been **too** long, in the grand scheme of things. Still, I swore I was gonna get a chapter out during the summer... then didn't. Honestly, I think this was done during those months but, I just couldn't bring myself to do a final once-over. I'm sick of looking at it! Take it away! Haha, in all seriousness though, point out if something seems off. I just didn't want to read through it anymore.
> 
> And whew, I got through some ~~important~~ necessary junk here, yeah? I guess I don't have much to say about this one, but hey! Look forward to the next chapter too! ...Which I am only partially done with. But it should be fun~ 
> 
> Next chapter: Secret shopping! Real shopping! Two dates that aren't actually dates?


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